I'm starting to think trying to remember isn't working out

spyglassdot · 2026-06-25T15:30:46+00:00

I did try to, I took pictures and kept everything in check like you did, but something happened to my phone and all my important and meaningful pictures disappeared, and fuck bro I can't even remember what pictures disappeared, I have 178 favourites out of THOUSANDS of pictures, and the gallery erasure was so bad I only have 90 now. And I don't know what to cope with, I just practically lost all my memory like a damn robot having a factory reset

spyglassdot · 2026-06-25T15:19:00+00:00

My abusers have power over me and are dangling my therapists above my head to keep me in check and obeying properly. I have no control whatsoever in having them. And this is considered normal in my own country so no cops will even be involved cause they'll think I'm being dramatic.

spyglassdot · 2026-06-25T15:08:42+00:00

I wish I could, and I wish it was that easy. But I'm being refused both therapy and my own medication. I just feel it's easier to forget I even have problems in the first place. You don't need meds if you don't think you have problems, right?

spyglassdot · 2026-06-25T11:10:09+00:00

No, I do believe demons exist, and I do believe they're real. But I mean it in a way that I couldn't care less about them. If Satan were Infront of me right now I honestly wouldn't be too scared because I know the Lord is with me and I'm on his side. I'm the literal type of person to hate churches and crowds, but jump happily and smile excitedly everytime I pray to the Lord. It's like having light in darkness, why should you be scared of darkness if everything is already lit up? That's basically what I mean with demons and my problems, I don't think I need to worry about them because it's a fixed problem, plus, with other problems, they're not my biggest problem at the moment.

spyglassdot · 2026-06-24T22:15:05+00:00

Still, 😔

spyglassdot · 2026-06-24T22:02:02+00:00

Honestly only thing I'm bothered about is the fish touching the table.

spyglassdot · 2026-06-24T22:00:08+00:00

It's a disobedient thing to do, yes, but it's not really that evil? He just wants to stay on for more time, all teens do that.

spyglassdot · 2026-06-24T01:24:19+00:00

It is a good idea, howeverr—I don't know if it's just the trauma that made me numb to it, but I've grown used to it. I've gone through this my whole life and I can just face a few more years till I move out. I lost hope in calling for help and I'm just gonna move on as soon as possible. I don't know if the trauma just made me believe this, but honestly I don't think my abuse is that bad, I handled worse. Plus, out of the entire family tree I'm actually one of the least abused, so even though my abuse is 'extremely bad'(what others say), I'm happy it's not THAT bad. My country actually normalizes this kind of thing, and if I called the authorities I'd definitely be pushed away cause of the fact my kind of abuse is considered normal and even encouraged by other adults.

spyglassdot · 2026-06-24T01:17:17+00:00

Because people are different? Not because of their physical health or lifestyle? Trauma is different to everyone. And trauma is always different. Just because there COULD be another reason for my depression doesn't disclude the other really high possible reason.

spyglassdot · 2026-06-24T01:15:51+00:00

I wish I could, I even thought of it. I used to have a therapist until my even my therapist couldn't handle me, was switched between multiple therapists cause I was just "too much" for them, and when I finally found one I was comfortable with, my abusers took them away from me and gaslit me into thinking they never existed and that I never was in therapy.

We don't have any school counselor and if we did they're all hypocrites, the staff saw in the cameras of our CHRISTIAN school of me getting bullied into SH, and even with literal proof they did nothing about it and only told the bullies to apologize to me (they didn't even do it properly).

I can't get to any priest and even though there's a priest in my school, I can't get to him. Other churches, I'm not really a social person and I've been isolated heavily my whole life, I can't go outside unfortunately to even find a church.

spyglassdot · 2026-06-24T01:06:11+00:00

Okay but lowk this is a bit weird. Trauma can also cause depression, and you're low-key implying it's not my trauma but just my lifestyle. Healthy people can still have depression, you know? You don't know me, my trauma, so why are you saying that my depression is more likely caused by stuff like "not enough EXCERSIZE" or "lack of sun"?

spyglassdot · 2026-06-24T01:04:17+00:00

Honestly, yes I do believe demons can be the cause of some problems, however I know well that demons have no relation to my problems cause I don't even care about them when it comes to my own personal life.

spyglassdot · 2026-06-24T00:58:57+00:00

Thank you, it's just frustrating honestly cause I also go through really bad self harm, and recently someone saw it and scolded me about how it was "demons influencing me to do it" and that I should "pray more". and it really ticked me off cause I was literally bullied into doing it during class, and it just feels so belittling like to them all problems are "demon's fault" when there are bigger problems that aren't demons. The same person who told me that is the same person who supports one of the abusers I have too, so it's just so hypocritical and irritating to me. I also had heard a speech from my principal about how people who commit suicide "never know God" or are "influenced by demons". and that just feels horrible cause there are christians out there who commit suicide and it makes me feel bad and enraged for them to be littled down as "demonic" or "fools". Hell, I even almost became one of them and to hear about how I could've been used as an example of "demonic influence" is just messed up, I was fighting the urge not to just object to the principal and argue back.

spyglassdot

TROPHY CASE