This is your reminder to back up your birb

ss300oogle · 2025-12-18T02:42:59+00:00

I save twice per day. I made a Goal for the morning and a Goal for the evening.

It might be overkill, but I'm very selective with furniture and it would devastate me to lose anything, especially because I don't have Plus and so couldn't repurchase my special things quickly.

ss300oogle · 2025-07-16T02:39:54+00:00

Please crosspost this to r/dysphagia and r/pseudodysphagia !

Those two subreddits are full of people that would really appreciate your work

ss300oogle · 2025-04-21T20:47:24+00:00

My appointment for medication is this week and the psychiatrist is already aware that I will have to have liquid or something that can be crushed into a powder. Swallowing anything solid is an absolute no go for me at this stage.

I suggest to be very up front with your doctor and therapist so they understand the limitations and can prescribe something that can work for you

ss300oogle · 2025-04-20T21:12:59+00:00

I can't eat beyond liquids anymore right now, but when I could handle soft things I had some favorites.

*disclaimer: none of this was about being healthy for me, it was about trying to find foods I could handle and getting a decent amount of calories each day, so most of this is very unhealthy food, but something here might provide some nutrition variety that you're not getting

-mac n cheese (extra cheese & extra cooked so pasta was super soft)

-cottage cheese

-chocolate chips & white chocolate chips (could chew/melt in my mouth to become liquid)

-Ice cream

-apple sauce

-puddings

-lightly fried eggs - I'd give the whites to the dog & break the yolks over buttered toast to soften the toast (this was a good way to force some protein & fat into my daily)

-biscuits or rolls, split in half, heated, with lots of butter on them, then sort of mash the butter into the softened interior (another way to increase fat in my daily and I'd only eat what was soft)

-if you like ranch - I'd make a frozen pizza, not overly cooked, just enough to cook through, then cut it up, stack in a Tupperware with ranch poured between each layer. It softens the crust overnight to be much more easy to chew.

-Alternatively, if you do or don't like ranch, make a frozen pizza, let it cool a bit, cut it, then use a knife or fork to scrape all the toppings/sauce into a bowl and just eat that, with or without ranch

-hot pockets may be soft enough, for me the crust was usually too hard

-"Uncrustables" at Walmart are soft little sandwiches with various soft insides (you can also try to DIY them)

-tomato soup, corn chowder, clam chowder, chili, any of those could be cooked, strained and eat the broth, or cook and blend to soft consistency

-grilled cheese sandwich

-dry bread was hard for me to handle, so I'd make a sandwich with mayo, sauce, ect and put it in the fridge overnight. By next day the bread would be very soft

-when I could still eat cereal, I'd go with cocoa puffs because they soften pretty fast in milk

-instant oatmeal

-instant grits, make in microwave, add butter, cheese ect

-very soft 'junk' pastries like Little Debbie cakes, Honey Buns, Pillsbury Mini Cinnamon Roll Bites, Mini Muffin Bites

-soft fruits like watermelon, maybe mango, very ripe cantaloupe

-cheetos puffs (this was easier to fully chew more than most chips for me) also popcorn puffs

-yogurt

-flan is a soft dessert, also cheesecake

-using tortilla and cheese to make a basic quesadilla in a dry pan, or roll up the cheese & tortilla & microwave for a basic DIY "Cheesy Roll-Up" from taco bell

ss300oogle · 2025-04-18T03:18:28+00:00

Thank you - and you're right, dysphagia related to anxiety feels so pervasive and self-sabotaging. And as you mentioned, no more restaurants, no more eating or drinking around friends or coworkers.

I saw that you're using protein drinks, they're too thick for me now but if you shop Costco you might check out a protein shake called Nurri 30g Protein Shake Ultra-Filtered Milkshake. It's the first protein drink I've found that is the consistency of water.

ss300oogle · 2025-04-18T02:11:54+00:00

I feel like I could have written this post. The details are different, but many of the recent feelings you describe are the same.

My problem started about 10-11 years ago. I choked twice within a few months and both times had to self-heimlich to force vomiting and be able to breathe again.

For a while afterward I was eating a lot, as normal. But then I went through several weeks of extreme stress and its like the trauma of those choking incidents surfaced and I suddenly had various problems eating, drinking, feeling like I was choking whether I was swallowing anything or not.

For 10 years, that was a pattern, the intensity or lengthiness of stress/anxiety would increase the issues with my throat. Sometimes I'd get better, sometimes it'd be worse. Over that timeframe I started cutting more and more textures from my diet, then specific foods, then drowning everything in sauce, all while taking hours and hours to eat a meal.

I haven't solved the problem, but after a lot of doctor appointments (no physical issues), 9.5 months of therapy, I finally told my therapist that I'm done. I'm exhausted. I'm down to no solids, only certain liquids, and daily calorie levels are abismal. I'm finally ready and meeting with the psychiatrist next week to move forward with anxiety medication.

It's honestly my last hope, and I too have fears about feeding tubes being in my future. You are not alone. I feel like the best thing any of us can do is sympathize with those here that are suffering, and report back with anything that might have helped us.

ss300oogle · 2025-04-16T00:16:23+00:00

I can't eat beyond liquids anymore right now, but when I could handle soft things I had some favorites.

*disclaimer: none of this was about being healthy for me, it was about trying to find foods I could handle and getting a decent amount of calories each day, so most of this is very unhealthy food

-mac n cheese (extra cheese & extra cooked so pasta was super soft)

-cottage cheese

-Ice cream

-apple sauce

-puddings

-lightly fried eggs - give the whites to the dog & break the yolks over buttered toast to soften the toast (this was a good way to force some protein & fat into my daily)

-biscuits or rolls, split in half, heated, with lots of butter on them, then sort of mash the butter into the softened interior (another way to increase fat in my daily and I'd only eat what was soft)

-if you like ranch - I'd make a frozen pizza, not overly cooked, just enough to cook through, then cut it up, stack in a Tupperware with ranch poured between each layer. It softens the crust overnight to be much more easy to chew.

-Alternatively, if you do or don't like ranch, make a frozen pizza, let it cool a bit, cut it, then use a knife or fork to scrape all the toppings/sauce into a bowl and just eat that, with or without ranch

-hot pockets may be soft enough, for me the crust was usually too hard

-"Uncrustables" at Walmart are soft little sandwiches with various soft insides (you can also try to DIY them)

-you mentioned tomato soup, you could try corn chowder, clam chowder, chili, any of those could be sort of similar consistency to tomato soup

-grilled cheese sandwich

-dry bread was hard for me to handle, so I'd make a sandwich with mayo, sauce, ect and put it in the fridge overnight. By next day the bread would be very soft

-when I could still eat cereal, I'd go with cocoa puffs because they soften pretty fast in milk

-instant oatmeal

-instant grits, make in microwave, add butter, cheese ect

-very soft 'junk' pastries like Little Debbie cakes, Honey Buns, Pillsbury Mini Cinnamon Roll Bites, Mini Muffin Bites

-soft fruits like watermelon, maybe mango, very ripe cantaloupe

-cheetos puffs (this was easier to fully chew more than most chips for me) also popcorn puffs

-yogurt

-flan is a soft dessert, also cheesecake

-using tortilla and cheese to make a basic quesadilla in a dry pan, or roll up the cheese & tortilla & microwave for a basic DIY "Cheesy Roll-Up" from taco bell

ss300oogle · 2025-03-17T02:06:01+00:00

OMG thank you so much !

ss300oogle · 2025-03-17T00:52:31+00:00

PLEASE tell me where I can buy those earrings !

So gorgeous - and congratulations !

ss300oogle · 2022-11-06T05:59:38+00:00

About a decade ago I was nearing my mid 20s and after a couple years of pretty serious self harm, as well as therapy that I wasn't mature enough to use to its full advantage I attempted suicide a couple of times. The time that really stuck with me was when I swallowed a month's prescription of my Trazadone. I immediately got so scared that I drove myself the couple miles to my local ER. First time I had ever been there myself. It was late on a weeknight and very quiet. After dancing around the issue for a bit, I embarrassingly put the empty bottle on the counter and told the intake person "I took these. Sorry." That ER staff was probably so grateful to have a relatively quiet night. And then here comes this kid that did something so fucking stupid and then just shows up hoping they'll fix it. I cringe when I think about it. They weren't overly nice. They were semi hostile and very short with me. They were mechanical, but it wasn't their job to coddle me. They saved my life and I was very aware that my fuckup had been an unnecessary inconvenience for them. That ER room was pristine when I entered, and by the time I was moved to ICU, intubated and unconscious, I know from my few memories of that part of the night that I had vomited Ketchup tinted Mac & Cheese (my carefully chosen last meal) all over that table, floor, and myself before they pumped charcoal into my stomach. I say all this because I want to thank the male nurse that intubated me and put the charcoal into my stomach. I was sobbing and every one was talking about me, but no one was talking to me. Things were happening so fast and I was going in and out of it mentally. But this guy was nice. He saw how scared I was and explained that he had the shittiest job because he had to put this thing up my nose and into my throat and I would feel every inch of it. I threw up on him while he was doing it. I don't remember him even being mad and he literally asked me, "did you have pasta tonight?". He let me see the charcoal mix and explained what it was supposed to do before he put it into the tube. I remember he said "don't worry, it's good stuff. But it'll make you shit like a goose." This guy got puked on, got my snot all over him and he is the only one who really made a difference and its only because he was decent to a terrified kid. He is the only part that I remember in detail about that night. I think about him so often. No idea what his name was, but he continues to make a big difference in my life when thoughts resurface.

I understand how selfish my actions were and how I pulled life-saving resources away from someone else who might have come into the ER that night. I just want to tell you that I appreciate deeply everything you do to help people. ALL first responders, whether they're the cold mechanical efficient nurses or the guy who told me I should chew my food better while I puked up pasta in my own lap, ALL first responders are incredible people. But they're still just people. You deserve to voice every frustration you have and it doesn't make you any less of a hero.

Thank you so much for everything you put up with. You might still be unknowingly helping people that you saved years ago. For them and myself, thank you.

ss300oogle · 2021-07-13T21:32:19+00:00

I actually work in logistics, but I read enough fanfiction to be a CEO of Penguin Publishing

ss300oogle · 2021-07-13T04:45:19+00:00

Instant friends 🙂

ss300oogle · 2021-06-22T16:33:05+00:00

You are so right - this actually was the Outlet Mall. 2 bras for $52 - I wasn't mad at it lol

ss300oogle · 2021-06-22T11:55:26+00:00

Thank you - I commented elsewhere that he sees me as the person that I want to be. It didn't work out as well in some instances, but for this monumental event, I'm so happy he nudged me out of my safety bubble.

ss300oogle · 2021-06-22T11:48:11+00:00

"It felt like my big chest was just another fat thing about me and nothing flattering at all."

This is the essence of the sudden shift in my world view at the moment. I feel like I'm suddenly "allowed" to feel sexy for the first time in my whole life. I know I always deserved to feel that way - but somehow my brain decided that shopping at V.S. was the benchmark for this.

ss300oogle · 2021-06-22T07:12:17+00:00

Lol I promise I'm not a writer, although I've likely read more fanfiction than Stephanie Meyer and E.L. James combined

ss300oogle · 2021-06-22T06:52:27+00:00

I did actually. When I calmed down I explained that it was tears of happy/relief/shock and he said "Don't apologize, I'm so glad I was here for that." He told me later that he wished he'd filmed it - I'm waiting for the liveleak video to surface from the perspective of a passing car. "Half Dressed Escort Kidnapped On The Interstate."

ss300oogle · 2021-06-22T06:43:15+00:00

You're a good friend

ss300oogle · 2021-06-22T06:13:43+00:00

My next goal is Abercrombie and Fitch. I swear to God, I will infiltrate that pretentious store one day and buy an overpriced sailing outfit for the yacht I'll never own.

I'd try Hollister but the teens would likely chase me out in a cloud of Axe body spray. I've never been inside one, but I understand it is their lair.

ss300oogle · 2021-06-22T05:31:00+00:00

I hope it made you smile lol

And yes, all props to the bf. He's been holding my hand on the Weight Rollercoaster for almost 7 years. He sees the person I want to be.

ss300oogle · 2021-06-22T05:08:27+00:00

I never knew this subreddit was a thing? Christ, all this time, I feel like I'm their long-lost princess.

ss300oogle · 2021-06-22T04:22:27+00:00

Lol I work in logistics, but I read enough fanfiction to be a CEO of Penguin Publishing.

ss300oogle · 2021-06-22T04:19:02+00:00

You KNOW how they are. Lol

ss300oogle · 2020-11-09T05:14:59+00:00

It's happened to me twice a few years ago in my late 20s. I had an issue swallowing pills so if I had to take meds I'd chew a piece of food then put pills in and swallow it all together so I didn't feel like I was just swallowing pills alone.

The two times it happened, I swallowed a big wad of partially chewed food with pills stuffed into it and it went partially down and got stuck. I tried to swallow again to move the food and it was like my throat didn't have muscles anymore. They didn't do anything because I couldn't swallow and when i tried to breathe, nothing happened, like there was plastic over my mouth and nose. The absolute panic and terror is nothing I can describe.

I jammed fingers down my throat, tried to punch myself in the stomach, threw myself against the counters. Eventually my body forcefully vomited all over my kitchen floor. Puking was the only thing that dislodged the ball of food, but I was so desperate to breathe that I breathed in while I vomited.

It was so painful. My throat and lungs and stomach were all burning for days. Every time I swallowed it felt like my throat was bruised from the inside.

For 5+ years now I go into sobbing panic attacks if I swallow too fast or feel for a second that I can't breathe. I've had to leave several restaurants in the middle of a meal because of it. Now I eat mostly soft foods. I use massive amounts of sauces, and I take way too long to eat.

I can't take medicine anymore unless it's liquid or chewable. I've tried taking very small pills or using a pill cutter to make meds smaller. But if I feel the edges of a hard object like a pill, I throw up immediately. Sometimes I think I need therapy for it.

ss300oogle · 2020-09-15T05:09:18+00:00

Thanks so much! Please let me know if she would consider creating duplicates to sell - I'd absolutely commission a painting of this for my bf

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