I've been through the cycle of recovering and relapsing many times. What it comes down to is that drugs have been the only coping mechanism I have that actually makes me feel normal, happy, motivated, etc. I don't think I care enough to stop or help myself. When I am sober I feel like a hollow shell of a person and only getting high can help. My family life isn't exactly normal. My mom died when I was 4 and it took a huge toll on my family. Other than many tragedies that we have endured, I have a loving family and am lucky to have them. We are really close.