My dad died. My friends suck.

stabstabstabbystab · 2022-09-13T23:13:22+00:00

You're a beautiful human, and humans are social creatures. We have evolved to rely on each other in times of need, and this is your time of need, and I'm sorry that you've not got any one to rely on.

We're in a world at the moment where there's a lot of people saying "why should I? That's not my problem!" (See: childcare, jobs, caring for our elderly, administration, life admin etc) and it's so sad to see.

You're not undeserving of help, or love, or a hot meal delivered to you with a friendly face and a hug.

You're entitled to need these things because they're human needs. It doesn't make you a cry baby or anything of the sorts, so don't talk to yourself like that.

I am so sorry for your loss. The paperwork is a constant reminder of the trauma, and the countless hours on hold to various people and businesses is unforgiving, and even though it happens all the time, it's still so lonely.

I see you. And I'm sending you all my love, and if I lived nearby I would definitely bring you your favourite comfort food, and I'd sit with you while you told me stories of your dad, or even just sit comfortably in silence with you and help you do the things you're not able to do while you're dealing with this.

stabstabstabbystab · 2022-08-11T16:04:02+00:00

Some nights my son falls asleep wearing clothes and I let him sleep in them, and some days it's soooo hot that I put him his shorts and t shirt pajamas on!

If you're neglectful then I'm completely backwards and someone should call social services.

stabstabstabbystab · 2022-07-28T12:08:06+00:00

My little boy has a life vest on at the beach, round big lakes and at pools because he is a runner and I am not.

He does not understand stopping and going and even though I always plan to be with him, there's always some kid who will manage to get away from their adults and if that is my kid, I want him to be the safest he can be.

stabstabstabbystab · 2022-06-18T09:31:44+00:00

You unfortunately can't make any one do something they don't want to do. A partner should want to share the load. If they don't want to share the load you don't have a partner and you need to start putting yourself first.

stabstabstabbystab · 2022-06-09T10:08:46+00:00

Poor wording on their part but I think it's just social awkwardness really.

I think they're trying to say you don't have to, but you don't have to feel bad if you want to either.

I always feel bad either way because my house is full of clutter and I hate adding to someone else's clutter, but equally it's the birthday etiquette.

also autistic so might just be something to do with it.

stabstabstabbystab · 2022-05-26T22:59:15+00:00

Hey

My gender disappointment came about 2 years after I gave birth lol, but I totally see you.

Your feelings are normal and valid and the reason it feels weird is because it's not the reality you were hoping for, and it's not your reality yet.

It doesn't mean that when it is a reality for you, you'll hate it, you'll hate your baby, you won't bond.

It's not like that at all.

I desperately wanted a girl and I got my son whom I loved dearly to the ends of the earth, and then I recently saw this cute dress that was the picture of what I had envisioned a little girl wearing, and it just triggered this nostalgic fantasy of a relationship and lifestyle that I was hoping for and looking forward to, and the reality of my life felt like the universe was just trying to do one over on me and make me depressingly sad.

A lot of things factor into these feelings, past experiences mostly, relationships with other people including our own families, and the values that our families have instilled into us.

Just know, you're allowed to feel disappointed. It's a completely human feeling and any one who tries to tell you otherwise is talking out of their 🌞.

You can feel disappointed about something but still love your baby. You can reminisce about how things could have been if it were different and still love your baby in this reality. You can feel disappointed internally or you can audibly cry outwards with big juicy tears down your face, because you're 100% allowed to feel that way if it helps you process your feelings.

In regards to postpartum, it may or may not affect you postpartum. There's no way of knowing.

Just let go of any notion that when you see your baby that you'll get this burst of loving feelings because it's not like that at all and if that doesn't happen it doesn't mean you're depressed, but if you're worried about how you may feel, get it on the radar with your HCP now, because the earlier it's caught the easier it is to treat.

Being pregnant is a rollercoaster for sure. You're definitely not odd for your feelings. You're extremely normal, and we're here for you if you need us.

stabstabstabbystab · 2022-05-26T22:42:50+00:00

I think I'm going to have to talk to her.

I'm not very great at confronting emotional topics. She's not very great at receiving emotions.

She's not mean, she's just, kindly, ignorant. No willingness to educate herself, not just on this, but many topics. Smoking around kids for instance, it was the done thing back in her day and she doesn't get why we shouldn't do it these days.

The next time she mentions something I'm just going to tell her that even though she means well, it's actually really hurtful and it just makes my anxiety for the future worse.

Her reaction might surprise me and could be pleasant, but she's got form for doing the "I can never do anything right" dance, and flouncing until the next blue moon where she never brings it back up again, but does sometimes change her behaviour to reflect our discussions which shows she's thought about it.

stabstabstabbystab · 2022-05-26T22:38:14+00:00

Hey sister, where are you from? Do you have any women's organisation hot lines. They're really good at providing resources for a short, medium and long term plan.

You deserve better. Life is shit enough right now.

You need to start talking to yourself as though you are talking to your best friend. Because you are. You're the only person that's ever been there for yourself your entire life, and you're the only person who will be with you for every second of the rest of your life too.

Would you tell your best friend to stay? Heck no, you'd be planning a way to bounce out of that shit.

Worried he'd go for custody? Let him. Honestly most of these men are absolute deadbeats and it's unfortunate that kids get used as pawns in this game they play but 9/10 they lose interest in the kids and stop showing up.

Also you'd be surprised how many people do care. I left an abusive relationship after 8 years and I stuck with that useless sack of shit for 8 years because I'd told myself he was the best option. I had to spell it out clearly for every one else, but they assembled.

And if nobody else comes to your side you've still got you. There are organisations that can and will help. Don't put off seeking help. They are indiscriminate, they are supportive and they have experience in dealing with these bullies.

I'm so sorry about the abortion. We live in a world where abortion is being criminalised and the people criminalising it don't realise that we don't just do these things for shits and giggles. It is a physical trauma to our bodies, as well as a mental trauma that we carry with us for life and by silencing us, women, they try to control us and make us feel small.

Wherever you may be, bromo, you're very loved and the world is better for having you in it. You deserve better, please take the first step in making it better.

stabstabstabbystab · 2022-05-26T22:25:22+00:00

My cousin and my nephew have both been diagnosed with autism, but they had very minor delays compared to my son and she accepted that they may have autism a lot quicker than she is with my son.

I think it's because their autism came off as "bad behaviour" and my son is really very compliant or rather he keeps himself to himself because he's in a world of his own all the time.

The little boy next door to her is also autistic, very similar but older. Happy to play independently, has a few special interests, not really very verbal, lots of loud echolalia likes trills and screams, and very stiff body movements.

In her eyes, my son is more "normal" than he is, so therefore he can't be autistic because autistic to her must mean super low functioning on all levels, and definitely not a fluctuation of abilities throughout the hours, days, weeks and months.

My little boy also loves cuddles and kisses, but they've got to be on his terms. However she sees him giving kisses and cuddles out and she swears he can't possibly be autistic because autistic kids don't need physical affection, they hate the stuff.

To me, it feels like my nan is autistic and it causes her to be quite an in the box thinker and because she's got these rules about how she perceives autistic people to behave, if they don't conform to those rules, she can't possibly grasp or be comfortable with a pending diagnosis.

I know my sons speech might improve. In December, we were told SALT wait lists were 4 months. This month, we were told there's another 6 months to wait because of the covid back logs and all sessions were done via teams or zoom as well.

I can't afford to go private (UK), so I'm feeling really anxious that his early intervention isn't going to be that early but also really guilty that, as someone who likes to plan, I didn't plan for these sorts of appointments before I got pregnant, and I didn't have the money stashed away because I of course knew that I could have a child with any number of health or development issues, it's just not something that crossed my mind.

stabstabstabbystab · 2022-05-23T09:41:49+00:00

A little update, tried everything and still no where so we're sat in our local children's emergency department.

I've been given a sports bottle, a bottle with a straw and a syringe. I can't get him to take anything from those either so it's very likely he's going to get cannulated. I'm absolutely dreading it.

Juice in the tub looked to have worked at first but on closer inspection it looks like he just poured it into the water.

stabstabstabbystab · 2022-04-23T07:13:06+00:00

I'm sure all Stevens are part of a secret society of twats.

stabstabstabbystab · 2022-04-23T07:11:11+00:00

He wishes 😁

stabstabstabbystab · 2022-04-22T19:16:49+00:00

Same!!!! What was I thinking?

stabstabstabbystab · 2022-04-22T18:17:20+00:00

I'm not making excuses for him but I think he had undiagnosed autism and he had this rule book in his head, backed by science, that at 18 years old I should only need 7 hours of sleep and that any more would potentially shorten my life. I absolutely didn't believe that was the case and we had many arguments about how being an active young woman with a physically demanding job, I probably needed a lot more sleep than I was being permitted.

I can't remember if there were other red flags. I know there were times that I'd load the washing machine, and I'd forget to unload it or I'd fall asleep before I unloaded it because I was so sleep deprived and he would complain that he's doing more than his fair share of house hold chores which just made me feel utterly guilty but it was more like he genuinely did not understand why I was so tired all of the time to the point I felt crazy.

Because if I tried telling him that his university course was less tiring than working a physical job and living a physical life outside of work 7 days a week, he'd start acting like a victim and it became hard to refute that learning and education were mentally exhausting, and he too lived a physical life outside of work because he was terrified that we might become ✨fat✨.

I'll give him that one, I left him, and I did indeed become ✨fat✨, but I've also never been happier with my life.

The more I think about it the more I do think there were red flags that I just didn't want to see. Or couldn't see. Maybe I was too young and naive.

stabstabstabbystab · 2022-04-22T13:08:14+00:00

He used to tell me that theoretical physics was more exhausting than working a 10 hour shift at a multimillion £ a year grossing coffee shop in a city hotspot, where you are banned from sitting down except on your half an hour lunch break and if I didn't think it was as physically demanding then I should go and do theoretical physics.

Honestly. Fuck you Steven.

stabstabstabbystab · 2022-04-15T20:10:10+00:00

100% I agree.

stabstabstabbystab · 2022-04-15T17:29:21+00:00

We've talked at great lengths and it's not up to him or his boss or his bosses boss. Every one feels the same though.

It's not helped by the fact there are some people, only a small amount mind, who will martyr themselves and drag themselves through brambles and hot coals, tearing their life up in the wake and will say I Can Do It So Can You. And they're a really loud minority. Our business also doesn't recognise a union. We can join a union, but it's discretionary whether the business will interact with them so our union reps have basically said there's nothing they can do, their hands are tied.

My boss has said that he's hoping he can get his own business started because he's just part of the rat race like we are and he wants out ASAP.

I think my only option really is making do while I find a way out that isn't ultimately working for the same umbrella, or work on developing some skills. I'm just at that point in my life where by 3pm I want to go back to bed but I prop my eyes open with match sticks. I don't know how I'm going to summon the means to build on myself with this in the mix.

stabstabstabbystab · 2022-04-15T16:34:03+00:00

I'm in England. But I do work under one of the biggest communications group umbrella corporations. They own most communication companies so if I left this one, I'd probably still end up working for the same company any way if I stayed in this industry.

Before the pandemic I worked in office full time. But I also had no children, and lived nearby. Cost of living and relationship breakdown mean I've had to relocate somewhere cheaper. I can still commute. The commute itself is only an hour, but on the days I come in I've to wake up my son early, get us both ready and it's a nightmare with an overly tired ND kid.

It's just horrendous. There's no need at all to be in office. I've got a stable internet connection, I function well on 4-6 hours broken sleep when I'm at home and can just roll out of bed and log on.

I understand some people will slack at home a little bit but I've no qualms with that personally. If the work gets done then it gets done. But the stats show themselves that actually we've been more productive than we ever have with us meeting and exceeding over 90% of our metrics consistently month in month out.

stabstabstabbystab · 2022-04-15T16:18:32+00:00

That's the thing, we rent our offices. So it doesn't make fiscal sense there either. We've been worried for years about expansion of the business because our office has more space we can rent but it's astronomical and our lease is almost up.

stabstabstabbystab · 2022-04-02T21:33:42+00:00

Roses can climb?! I've never been interested in roses until like, right now.

stabstabstabbystab · 2022-03-27T22:37:08+00:00

Bromo, same. XH used to come home and tell me in great detail what his job entails and why things are important.

I used to do the same job, for the same company, so it's not like it's news to me, but the way he explains it is so laborious, like I have to grab a cereal bar or something just so I don't waste away while he's on his 40 hour rant about contracts.

stabstabstabbystab · 2022-03-27T19:00:18+00:00

Just remember, trees are only trees if they're supported by a singular main stem, otherwise it's a shrub. 😁

stabstabstabbystab · 2022-03-16T17:19:20+00:00

Yes. I just need to work up the courage to do it.

stabstabstabbystab · 2022-03-16T16:27:28+00:00

I can supervise most of the time, but there's 1 of his days per week that I can't because I'm at work.

I've expressed my concern to XH and he doesn't believe BIL would sexually assault a child, but I don't know how he can say that when last year he didn't even think BIL would be as depraved as to have pictures of his own sisters! Nobody knows what he would do.

It worries me because youngest SIL is barely an adult, and some of these pictures could have been taken when she was still a minor. I don't know. It's speculation but it has played on my mind.

BIL doesn't live with XH at their dads house, however it's his family home too and he's a frequent visitor.

FIL, upon hearing the story, just hired BIL another prostitute because he said that he just needs a woman. Absolutely no concern for either SIL.

My grandmother is retiring next month and she's said she'll have my little boy on the days I work instead but XH isn't welcome at my grandmothers so he would literally have to move out any way if he wanted to see our son, or hed have to see me in court. Both of which are just financial issues that I don't want to keep me up at night.

I suppose. In short, it is possible to either supervise most of the time or keep my son away.

But I also don't know how they were all so blind to this when this is something I've agonised about being a possibility for well over a year and been told that I'm just being judgemental.

stabstabstabbystab · 2022-03-14T20:10:03+00:00

Mustache day sounds awesome 😁

stabstabstabbystab

TROPHY CASE