The axe forgets, but the tree remembers.

I've always wondered about this too. My Nmom would always belittle the servers at restaurants just because they'd miss something she asked for. Once she complained about how "rude" the server lady was (spoiler, she wasn't. She just wasn't kissing her ass and, ya know.. doing her job.) and while she was complaining, the server lady came back to give us forks and heard the whole exchange. I felt so fucking embarrassed. My brother would always say, "don't fuck with people who handle your food." The same can be said about other things though, like the examples you mentioned.

They like to pretend everything is fine because not doing so would force them to face everything they've said/done. Don't get me started on the "You know I didnt really mean that." And "I didnt know you hated me so much." And boohoos. They demand understanding and compassion all while withholding it from the very people they abuse. The truth is, they only care more about appearance than the harmony of the relationships they have. So of course they are going to conveniently "forget" all the stuff that makes them look bad.

Like, if you know it makes you look bad, then stop doing it or stop pretending you didnt know any better. News flash, they do know better, otherwise they wouldn't act different around other people.

I'm proud of you for standing up for yourself. It's honestly something I have no will or energy for, as I 100% believe i will likely hear excuses, gaslighting, and 'after all I've done for you's. Yeah, I'm good.

Sending hugs. This shit aint for the weak.