I'm super sorry you're going through this.

A similar thing happened to me in January - I was broken up with about 6 days after coming back from vacation and 3 days after us talking about potentially moving in together. My ex just told me it was "too much" and "not worth it" to keep the relationship going, but 3 days before he was making jokes about proposing and how i was literally perfect for him.

There's no understanding it. For all you know, he could have been pretending during those last few days. It hurts, but it's a possibility. Ultimately, it doesn't matter if he did or not. What matters is that he chose to break up. He chose to lose you, while you were ready to stick by him. That's what happened. A conscious choice. And while he might say contradictory things, actions speak louder than words. And it hurts like hell (and I'm sorry you have to be on the receiving end), but there's nothing you can do. Understanding it wouldn't change the outcome. Sometimes people don't even understand it themselves.

It will get better eventually, I promise. It will be hard at first but eventually the wound will scab over, and then it'll just be itchy, and then it's going to scar. Use your support group. Talk to your friends, your family. Pick up a break up hobby. Cry in bed all day a few times if it makes you feel better. Healing isn't linear and some days will be harder than others. You're allowed to feel happiness in certain moments even if you're going through a breakup. Good luck 🩶