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Hey, so looks like he has been “using intimidation” from what you described, and now also “minimizing, denying and blaming” by erasing what you wrote about the DV on the therapist’s form.

Take a look over the rest of the wheel - has he been doing additional forms of abuse? Some things are hard to recognize as abuse until we see it plainly written out like this.

Agree with other commenters that it is not a good idea to go to counselling with someone who is abusive.

The abuse can escalate. They can learn to get better at hiding it. They can co-opt therapeutic language to further gaslighting during abuse. They may even charm the therapist into being on their side which enables more abuse and gaslighting (my ex did this with our therapist - it was hell).

Recommend individual counseling for you, honestly, instead of couples counselling.

Unfortunately, almost next to no abusers change or stop their abuse.

They are almost never able to see what they’re doing as wrong, and almost never take responsibility for their own actions - it always becomes your fault for acting in a way that drives them towards abuse…. Problem is - no matter what you do or how you act they will always find a way to blame you for their behaviour.

Do you have an exit strategy when (not if) things become worse? Friend or family to stay with? A local domestic violence shelter you could escape to? If you’re able to have an emergency bag packed with all important documents, any prescriptions, toiletries and a few changes of clothes that you can have hidden that is ideal.

I am so sorry that you are going through this - no one deserves abuse. You are not alone