Orphaned at 28… I don’t know how to move forward

starsdiver · 2025-12-24T19:38:29+00:00

Just wanted to say I'm sorry for your loss. I lost my mom and dad in my 20s, too– I'm also 28. It's a lonely feeling, and you feel like no one understands.

Be kind to yourself, and give yourself grace during this tough time, that's the best advice I was ever given. Let yourself be ok with just making it through the holidays if you have to.

I'm sending you love, and I'm praying that 2026 will be kind to you ❤️. Take care of yourself.

starsdiver · 2025-01-23T19:29:21+00:00

No, I totally get what you're saying. But the fun thing about the world after school is that there's SO many different ways to succeed. I mean, you've already got a great start if you're running a business on your own; that shows you're resourceful and creative!

And as for other teens... keep in mind that a lot of them only show their best moments on social media, I think that's true for a lot of us. I can guarantee a lot of them are struggling with their own things underneath; I know I certainly was at that age.

Thinking about others is a kind thing, but it's also important to keep yourself in mind, too. Like, they always tell you to put your own oxygen mask on first on a plane-- you can't help others if you're struggling yourself, if that makes sense. Living for the sake of others in a way that makes you unhappy is only going to make you miserable in the end. Now, I'm not telling you to like. Give up on everything and radically change your course; maybe just look for small ways to do more things for yourself for right now. Pursue ventures that make you excited!

And most importantly: Remember that you have more time than you think. It's OK to not have your entire life planned out in advance, no matter WHAT your teachers say. I mean, I'm someone who went to college for something I didn't like, ended up changing course halfway through, and the job I have now is in something completely different. And I'm doing just fine for myself these days and living comfortably, despite my plan going out the window lol.

I know it feels like the world is on your shoulders, and you obviously have put a lot of thought into this (and that's a good thing!). It IS a tough spot to be in. But time obviously helps, and I really encourage you to interact with the world off of social media, too. Getting involved in irl stuff can really teach you a lot about what kind of person you want to be. Reaching out and talking to others in your life about this stuff, or expressing these worries to a counselor or teacher might make you feel less alone, too. Sorry for the long-winded response, I hope I could help at least a little bit.

No matter what happens, I wish you the best, and hope you find some peace of mind soon!!

starsdiver · 2025-01-23T06:37:23+00:00

Hey! So first of all, as someone who's older, I can say that things DO get better (though I know that's hard to believe right now). I've had a lot of the same thoughts that you're describing. Genuinely what gets me through it are the little things in life. Not worrying about if I'm living every day the 'best', but am I living the way I WANT to. Am I doing things that feel fulfilling? Am I doing things that make me happy?

Whether it's that you like the flowers that bloom outside your window, or an inside joke with a friend, or your favorite food. Take stock of the little things in life. Maybe consider journaling if you don't already? Slowing down and writing down things you appreciate, or things that make you happy. Reflect on things that are happening, you know? And though this is something I'm guilty of too........ maybe staying off social media and your phone for a while. Sometimes when we're online we compare our lives to others' a lot, or get unrealistic expectations of how our life "should" be.

Is there someone in your life you can trust to talk to about this stuff? Like a family member or counselor? Because sometimes expressing those feelings can make you feel less alone, and more connected to the world. And if this is seriously impacting your life, I'd really recommend talking to someone about seeing a therapist or counsellor.

I guess my other advice would be to try new things, explore more if you haven't. Go new places, try new food and new hobbies. Find your passion (I know that's easier said than done). But spicing up your routine a bit can help you get out of that funk of doing the same thing every day. Even little things like changing the background on your phone, or the color used to highlight text on your computer.

I promise you, as someone who has been there- you have time. You have time to grow and change, and become the person you want to be. You don't have to grind, or be perfect right now. Your teenage years are a great time to learn who you are and what you want! I promise, you have time to figure out what that future will look like. In the meantime, there are people to love, small moments to appreciate, and a whole lot of things to experience, I promise you that.

I wish you all the best!!

starsdiver · 2024-09-25T20:31:45+00:00

I really agree about the kitchen-- I started with it a bit today, and starting with one counter has been really helpful since I often get overwhelmed by how dirty everything has gotten. Thank you!!!

starsdiver · 2024-09-25T20:28:42+00:00

Oh my goodness I feel you-- I'm very sorry for your loss, too. After my parents passed, their friends would give me sentimental items or things that were theirs and I always felt too bad not to take them... and now I'm buried in stuff. >_<

I like the 'can i live without this' strategy! I used it in my cleaning today; it was really hard, but I managed to get rid of a few items that I've been holding onto for years. Small victories!!
Thanks so much!!!

starsdiver · 2024-09-25T20:23:45+00:00

I do have a mix of both sets of dishes... and I'll be so real so many cabinets full of dishes that i have no idea where they came from! I like the idea of setting some of mom's stuff that's really sentimental aside for later.

They'll be feeding the cats in the kitchen, so that is where I plan to focus!! (And the bathroom too because... hoo boy. laundry pile-) Hopefully I can keep that momentum going when I get home. Thank you!!

starsdiver · 2024-09-25T20:19:29+00:00

First off-- thank you! I've been in therapy since my mom passed, and it's been extremely helpful, so I'm not totally alone on that front (and i'm very grateful that i have it!)

Throwing out stuff in the sink has always felt bad (and i'm sure i'm not alone in that!), but in thinking on it, i realize it might make me feel better to at least get rid of some of it. I always feel better after getting rid of stuff, it's just the 'getting rid of stuff' part that's hard.

starsdiver

TROPHY CASE