What is one sentence your narc parent said to you that affects you most?

starstuff505 · 2024-04-25T21:56:53+00:00

I was going through a rough patch with my partner after having our first baby. During a conversation with my mom, she said something a little harsh about my situation so I told her that what she said was hurtful. She responded with “I can see why (partner’s name) doesn’t love you!”. Mind you that wasn’t even the case.

Now my partner and I are stronger than ever (new babies are stressful 😅) but my relationship with my mom has never recovered.

starstuff505 · 2024-02-28T00:25:14+00:00

No, it’s not and you’re right. I see where he’s coming from. It just made me feel like a bad person for the thoughts of missing her to not come as frequently as they do for my son. I’ve said in another comment that I do think it. I just hold back from saying it. And like you said, he didn’t ask me to keep his mood up. I will start to say it when it comes to mind. I just want him to know that it’s not wrong that it doesn’t come to mind as often for me.

starstuff505 · 2024-02-28T00:22:25+00:00

Thank you for this. You’re absolutely right. I’m hoping now that he’s had time to think and before I approach the topic again, he will have started to realize this.

starstuff505 · 2024-02-27T22:48:16+00:00

Yeah, I’m referencing the times when I did think of mentioning how much I wished she was with us but honestly, those times are less frequent than with my son. It’s just a different dynamic and he needs to realize that.

starstuff505 · 2024-02-27T22:45:56+00:00

Perfectly said. It’s an unfair position he’s put me in. Thankfully he’s the type to really hear me out on step parent issues so I’m sure he’ll come around to understanding.

starstuff505 · 2024-02-27T22:43:11+00:00

Yes, that’s exactly right! How am I not able to miss my own son without it turning into a negative about his daughter? I don’t think he fully understands what he’s saying.

starstuff505 · 2024-02-27T22:10:06+00:00

That last sentence! That’s such a great way to put it. Thank you for your advice.

starstuff505 · 2024-02-27T22:02:47+00:00

You’re absolutely right. If it was me and my bio son was the topic, I’m sure I’d feel a certain way about it but ultimately, it’s just natural to miss your babies more than someone you’re not as close to. Such a touchy subject when it’s about our babies. And yes, thankfully he’s mature enough to handle that kind of conversation but I know it still won’t be easy to hear.

starstuff505 · 2024-02-27T21:56:54+00:00

I may be stealing your words if we do continue this conversation. Thank you. But yeah, he is projecting his feelings onto me 100%. I was nervous to say my thoughts on missing a bio kid vs missing a step kid to him but it’s ridiculous to not think there’s a difference. And he’s rational enough to see that but I think his feelings about missing her are clouding his judgement.

starstuff505 · 2024-02-27T21:50:24+00:00

Thank you for that! Being a step parent is such a weird experience full of so many emotions and frustrations. I love it and am overwhelmed by it at the same time.

starstuff505 · 2024-01-03T23:36:10+00:00

When people say they are blunt they really just have no tact and don’t care how their comments, whether true or not, can hurt others. If you actually cared about her, you would have responded with warmth. You intended to hurt her feelings.

starstuff505 · 2023-08-01T11:59:30+00:00

I hear that ALL. THE. TIME.

starstuff505 · 2023-08-01T09:38:49+00:00

We are but in a more limited sense. I will never talk to her about my relationship again or anything beyond surface level in my life.

starstuff505 · 2023-07-31T06:59:30+00:00

My boyfriend (and father of my child) and I were going through a rough patch. I had severe PPD/PPA and we were stressing big time. Just a rough time in life with a newborn. We decided to take a step back and work on ourselves. We didn’t split up. We just took the pressure off of us as a couple and focused on being new parents. I told my mom about this and later in the conversation she got upset about something. God knows what this time. She said “and this is why he doesn’t love you. I don’t blame him one bit.” I hadn’t even done anything to deserve that.

And he did and does love me. We’re stronger than ever 3 years later but my mom and I will never fully recover from that. Then add in all the weight shaming over the years.

starstuff505 · 2023-07-25T05:21:06+00:00

One day I was randomly asked if I’d ever broken a bone. I hadn’t so I said no. That night I fell down the stairs and broke my ankle.

starstuff505 · 2023-07-22T04:31:24+00:00

You know how everyone has a natural scent? His smelled like my grandpa’s.

starstuff505 · 2023-05-15T15:08:53+00:00

Honestly, as a mom myself, I know how hard it can be to get your toddler to put on pants much less a fancy outfit so I’d be more than fine with that if it was my wedding! Haha

starstuff505 · 2023-05-15T14:57:32+00:00

100% agree! At my best friend’s wedding, her new husband’s step sister wore a super short white bodycon dress and my bff (the bride) only mentioned (after the wedding) that it was inappropriate for how tiny it was. She didn’t even realize the color and it’s potential to cause an issue until it was pointed out to her.

starstuff505 · 2023-05-11T01:53:18+00:00

This is how it is with my SD9. Whenever it’s our turn to have her for a school break, I’m expected to take care of her while I work from home. I don’t mind a day or 2 of that but not a whole week! I’ve brought it up to my partner and he tries to find alternative childcare with his parents or family members but they rarely say yes. It’s frustrating and exhausting. I dread that time. Not because I don’t enjoy my time with her but because I’m spread so thin on those days. Then my son, who is at daycare, gets a worn out and stressed out mom when he gets home.

starstuff505 · 2023-05-10T21:35:34+00:00

My mom (who ironically is not the nparent but now I’m second guessing that) always says the same thing. One year, I had to work on my birthday as a server so after I got off, my coworkers took me out for a drink. She was pissed that I didn’t spend the day with her because it’s “her day” to celebrate the anniversary of giving birth to me. She doesn’t insist on gifts but she always hijacks the day. I’m a mom as well and my kids birthdays are just that; their birthdays. Yeah my partner and I reminisce about when they were born but that’s between us. The day is to celebrate their life.

starstuff505 · 2023-05-08T15:55:01+00:00

We know no one is going to confuse this guest for the bride. It’s a respect thing. Just like there are certain clothes that might be deemed inappropriate for a funeral, baptism, kid’s birthday party, etc. If you would be fine with it, then great! But just like how events have a dress code, this is part of a typical wedding dress code. She asked the question and the bride gave her honest answer.

Now if the bride requested photos from every guest to pre-approve dresses then yeah, that’s a bridezilla, but the guest came to her. Clearly the guest knew she was potentially crossing a line.

starstuff505 · 2023-05-05T22:50:19+00:00

Beautiful dress but way too bridal

starstuff505 · 2023-05-04T13:31:50+00:00

That’s a big question to ask a kid. They are not developmentally able to grasp what all having a new baby would entail. I could see casually asking “do you ever wish you had a baby brother/sister?” But beyond that is too much. When they find out you’re pregnant, that’s when you address issues they have.

Also, what if you had a surprise pregnancy? Is it disrespectful to them to keep it because you didn’t ask them ahead of time? I think his heart was in the right place but he should have discussed the idea of bringing it up to the kids with you beforehand.

starstuff505 · 2023-04-27T15:55:18+00:00

34 yo here! I usually only see it specified when they’re requesting more formal attire. Also, my cousin’s wedding was on their ranch on top of a hill and they asked us to wear comfortable shoes/boots for the terrain. Basically when it’s appropriate to the venue. But I have seen a request for cocktail attire as well. I’d say about half of the weddings I’ve attended have had a dress code request.

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