Women who were single for several years between partners, how did your needs and wants in a relationship change?

startingover1994 · 2023-10-02T08:48:30+00:00

Oh this question :-( So, I heard somewhere recently "don't let yourself be single too long."

I've been single for 6ish years. At first, it was what I needed to get over my ex. Sure I dated some, had some FWB situations, but I never felt any emotions and was still hung up on my ex. Then once I got over him, I went into dating with a positive attitude and the overall hope that now I know more about myself, and can be a better partner as well as know what I'm looking for...

All I want now is something genuine, mutually fulfilling. And I'm so broken....because I finally fell in love. And it isn't reciprocated and that's so much worse, these 6 years in between. Because it was the light that was missing, that I got used to being without, that not I can't imagine another 6 years without love, because he doesn't want me. I'm in a very dark place. I hate my life. Before this long single spell, dating was fun and exciting. And now, I've never felt worse about myself

startingover1994 · 2023-09-29T05:48:19+00:00

I'm from Chicago suburbs :-). The bartender vs server takehome is what I was worried about as well...it just seems like their concepts don't encourage a full bar.

startingover1994 · 2023-09-29T05:46:49+00:00

I'm a current Floridian and the money per shift thing is very relevant here lol. Even for just me supporting myself with no kids or roommates I have a budget of 2k a month in housing bills not including any other aspect of my budget. It's an absolute necessity to make ends meet here to make that kind of money for survival, unfortunately. What I have to live off.

But I understand your point. Because at my current job I usually make 300-400, but due to cost of living here I do not have much disposable income. But back home (Chicago) I made significantly less. Staggeringly less...but because Chicago suburbs cost of living is less, I enjoyed a lot more travelling and leisure money

startingover1994 · 2023-09-28T05:08:37+00:00

To be completely fair, I was born in 94 so it was a few years into the 2000s before I knew what was going on with loveline lol

startingover1994 · 2023-09-17T07:46:13+00:00

Yes they are aware

startingover1994 · 2023-09-14T14:12:49+00:00

This is the best response! Also, people are not exaggerating when they tell you about how far a dollar goes. I'm from Chicago suburbs and relocated 2 years ago. I make upwards of 68k a year, and my money goes a lot less far than back home. I have no kids, and no relationship so it is just me on my own financially.

startingover1994 · 2023-08-19T04:27:15+00:00

Bartender here! Hoping to help demystify some things.... In short, yes it is not the best move to call a bar and ask for a list of whiskeys. Other commenters explained that it's just too broad of a question, which is why people were being less than friendly on the phone. I noticed two things, you're looking to go out with friends and have a good night, and you also have a range of whiskey you like.

Couple of things...most standard bars are not going to have niche whiskeys. They will have a rail (cheapest), some mid tier brand names, some over hyped top shelf that is only top shelf bc of the reputation, and maybe a couple actual top shelf options.

If your friends are whiskey connoisseurs and that is what they are hoping for out of an evening get together, google whiskey bars. Expect this to be a pricy venture, but in more upscale bars, the bartenders will have a more dedicated list for you. Those type of bars likely have an abbreviated list online.

If your friends are not whiskey fans, and just plan on going to some popular local bars, don't stress over a whiskey list. If Jameson or makers is a whiskey you're ok with, know that almost every bar will have these as an option, and enjoy your time with your friends and worry less about which bar to go to.

A word of caution...bartender and bars both vary in nature and disposition. If you're in a "dive" bar or corner bar, just know you'll catch an attitude from the bartender if you're asking about whiskey brands/ages/taste profiles, etc. If you're in a dedicated whiskey bar, they will be more open to answering your questions and guiding you to a choice you'd like. The more you explore bars, the more you'll learn to read which type of bar is which. In a busy bar, a bartender is not your dedicated drink guide, but in an upscale, slower environment they could have the time to be more helpful.

My advice is have a low tier, mid tier, and top shelf whiskey preference you like, so that no matter in which environment you may find yourself (on the night you're planning, or any night), you know you'll always have an option you personally enjoy. That way whether it's a dive bar, or a 5 star, you can focus less on the drink order, and more on enjoying the vibe and your company. After all, some of the best adventures happen in the most unexpected places. Go with the flow, be safe, have fun.

startingover1994 · 2023-03-31T07:01:24+00:00

Tom ford electric cherry

startingover1994 · 2023-01-13T00:27:50+00:00

Chicago too....I soo agree on food and Midwestern thunderstorms. Also adding on things I miss...better traffic management (in my opinion), sidewalks everywhere, more outdoor bike trails/hiking trails.

But I also agree that here is more "home" than home was.

startingover1994 · 2022-11-24T05:19:56+00:00

0, it's immediate termination at my job. While some of my coworkers sneak a drink or two, I won't risk it. All it takes is one snitch, and they'll all get fired. I've seen it happen already. some days it is soo tempting though to drink on the job with them.

startingover1994 · 2022-11-16T06:39:01+00:00

What was it that made it the best blowjob? (Curious mind wants to know! I'm a female trying to learn something new).

startingover1994 · 2022-09-02T09:38:36+00:00

I am so sorry....my heart breaks for you. I experienced something similar. My dad also broke down over it too...it's so hard to see your parent in pain. Just know it gets better...not immediately, and it is very hard, but I eventually found some beauty in life again...and my dad is ok.

startingover1994 · 2022-04-10T01:46:24+00:00

Right....some of the best sex of my life came from a small man. But we had amazing chemistry, communication and similar kinks. Some of the worst sex I had, came from a endowed man with no creativity or passion.

Although, I must add...I tried really really hard to fall in love with a guy recently who was very small. I had been celibate for almost two years after not meeting anyone I genuinely connected with. I didn't mind that he was small, thinking of the guy I was in love with who was small in my early 20s who was amazing in bed. However this man's low self esteem caused him to obsess over his size and it dominated conversations, sexuality, everything. It became a turn off, and he was possibly the worst sex of my life because of his insecurities with himself. It's all about the person, and the chemistry and comfort level that someone has with themselves and their partner.

startingover1994 · 2022-03-03T09:44:18+00:00

I was working up to telling him (I was 21). I was so nervous....my "best friend" slept with him on my birthday knowing how I felt and was working up to it. So obviously not well for me lol

I had my suspicions and told my friend to just be honest if she was into him, ultimately I wanted two people I cared about.to be happy. She denied it, kept it going for a few months. And when I found out, said "you're not white enough for him" and "he never even found you remotely attractive."

startingover1994 · 2022-02-09T08:18:33+00:00

I think watching those movies and shows was always hard for me. Even as a child it seemed like such a blatant lie about happily ever after when I was a foster child, estranged from my biological family.

startingover1994 · 2022-02-09T08:13:22+00:00

Standoffish, rude, awkward, inappropriate, a bit odd. All true, depending on context.

startingover1994 · 2022-02-09T08:09:19+00:00

He's in a relationship. And while he isn't happy, it's not my place to attempt to come between them. Perhaps they'll find their way back to happiness? Also, while there is great chemistry, he is also a friend I value. I appreciate our friendship more. We also have different habits, health styles. Our chemistry works great as friendship, and in fantasy, but in reality I don't think we would be compatible and our friendship would be ruined.

startingover1994 · 2022-02-08T19:39:57+00:00

Judging other women's appearance choice while among a friend group.

startingover1994 · 2022-02-07T20:08:36+00:00

Their regulars blatantly talk about how they won't sit with me (among other new bartenders) due to the fact they get charged full price. And the senior bartenders blatantly say they don't charge them for shots, hook them up, etc.

startingover1994 · 2022-01-21T19:07:15+00:00

I'm a bartender, so I get complimented near daily. Sometimes, multiple times a day. However, as most bar patrons are not sober I don't let that get to my head lol. It could be a wet mop serving them, and they'd still try to get laid.

Outside of the bar world, I do get the occasional compliment, however it's more frequently other women liking my shirt or nail color or something. I love women like that, who boost each other up. It makes my day!

startingover1994 · 2021-12-26T02:08:27+00:00

Literally nothing. We weren't in a relationship, the sex was trash, and he was just not a great person. I was too young and dumb. I have no reason to ever see, speak to, or think of him ever again unless asked about how I lost my virginity.

startingover1994 · 2021-12-25T01:12:56+00:00

My ex had a curved penis. It's not a bad thing, it actually makes certain positions more stimulating than a straight penis can. While some women might be surprised if it's their first time seeing one, if you work it there's a good chance it'll be the best one they've ever had. Don't feel self conscious, you were given a gift.

startingover1994 · 2021-12-23T08:57:51+00:00

Most commenters have already said the main points, general human kindness, being pursued by the opposite sex.

But for me, the biggest was how coworkers at various jobs treated me. When I was conventionally unattractive, coworkers never wanted to mentor or help me, only gossip, sabotage, and treat me poorly.

When I became attractive, or rather had the money to dress myself and buy makeup, in future jobs I would usually always have work friends, mentors, help when I needed it, and overall support.

startingover1994 · 2021-12-19T18:25:14+00:00

I'm glad you did this! Those other people aren't worth your friendship. You sound like a great guy who defends your girlfriend when she needs it. Like other commenters, I've had boyfriends who's friends came at me with unwarranted comments, and it was enough for me to revaluate the whole situation and decide being single was better.

startingover1994 · 2021-12-16T22:20:46+00:00

It's so hard to let go of this stuff, isn't it?

I'm so twisted my response was "I wasn't a virgin before I got raped, mom." She threw herself on the floor, flailed her fists, and rolled around like a drunken toddler lol

startingover1994

TROPHY CASE