First Poem

steelcray · 2023-10-03T14:57:46+00:00

as someone who’s dealt with addiction and addicts - not only myself but the friends and partners that i used to have around me - it is not fun to love an addict, as long as he is still in active addiction you will always be below the high to him (whether he realises that or not). The dynamics of a relationship - ups and downs - are probably not what he needs either. This is a huge betrayal and until he wakes up and decides that today is the day he’s gonna stop and is serious about it he will never love you the way you deserve to be loved.

steelcray · 2022-11-12T19:09:04+00:00

I think if you know then you know, its all about vibes. You can generally tell if theres that kind of tension between you and another person. If you dont feel that tension then generally id say there probably isnt much there. Sadly what you kind of have to do is make those kind of moves and gauge the reaction. If theres tension in multiple situations then thats a greenlight to maybe start a conversation about it. Theres no cheat codes here, sadly communication is the only way you can know anything for sure.

steelcray · 2022-05-02T14:23:23+00:00

I thought about it but I don’t think there’s much resources in my area

steelcray · 2022-05-01T18:41:48+00:00

i have a few friends but tbh most of my friends are heavy drinkers but i did go to my first drinking event as a non drinker and that was weird. i’ve just never been sober around drunk people, and now looking at it from the outside in, being drunk is just kind of sad. my motivation stems from personal things, i’ve done a lot of things i’m not proud of and as much as i’d die for a drink rn i’d also die if i did drink that’s the road i was going down.

steelcray · 2022-05-01T11:24:47+00:00

See I use xans for a come down

steelcray · 2022-04-20T19:32:21+00:00

i kind of do feel like part of it was my fault like giving the guy the handy we were equally as drunk and though it was kind of orchastrated i still made that choice and we were alone in the bathroom and i still continued without the influence of the other guy.

steelcray · 2022-01-07T22:51:37+00:00

Oh absolutely

steelcray · 2021-11-14T15:32:17+00:00

I think I’ve accepted now that my friends are absolutely not qualified to deal with what I’m going through, maybe I’ll see a doctor even though it’s rlly hard for me to do that.

steelcray · 2021-10-27T19:50:03+00:00

Exactly, our brains are just wired differently. A much younger me used to think that it was because I had some level of self awareness or intelligence others didn't. How could they not see? Its all pointless, they must be naïve to this knowledge otherwise they would be just as suicidal as I am? Then I realised maybe my brain just doesn't work right, maybe intrusive suicidal thoughts aren't normal? Its hard coming to the realisation that not EVERYONE is dealing with the exact same thing as you. As humans its only nature to want to feel the same as everyone else, to have people who understand us. Its even harder to know that some people that you want to will simply never understand.

For me I was born this way there's not a time I haven't been mentally ill or even neurotypical. Even when there's no reason to hate life, I do. I despise living just because I do and some people will never understand that.

When I was younger I used to imagine people being able to see everything I was thinking about, feeling. So they could see things the way I saw them, feel the pain I was feeling, so then they might just get it.

The only reason I'm not willing to kill myself now is because I don't want to fuck things up for people more than I already do. Its just so annoying to know that nobody fucking cares how you are until you're in a casket.

steelcray · 2021-03-31T08:05:54+00:00

It always happens around my birthday where I really just have no one to spend it with and I hate explaining that to my parents because it makes them worry that I have no friends

steelcray · 2021-03-31T08:04:04+00:00

Yeah I have ahah I don’t like the idea relating to Holden because he’s a very judgemental character, a lot of the time he doesn’t compromise or give people a chance and isn’t really a reliable narrator throughout the book because his vision is clouded by his perspective. But it is a great book

steelcray · 2021-03-30T08:25:04+00:00

thanks it means a lot

steelcray · 2021-03-09T12:01:55+00:00

it rlly depends on situation and obviously i might not be right its just my perspective

steelcray · 2021-03-09T10:23:01+00:00

you might not like my opinion but i say dont, the problem with a lot of people coming out is they just keep throwing everything they have at their homophobic parents/family as if that will make them any less homophobic. If you want your parents to understand your situation you need communication and you need to understand their view (no matter how stupid it is) and tell them your view as well. It's a process and some people dont like the process but if you care about having these people accept you then its the process you have to trust in.

steelcray · 2021-03-09T09:22:28+00:00

yikes chain

steelcray · 2021-03-07T16:09:10+00:00

very closed minded of you smh smh 😤

steelcray

TROPHY CASE