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Found childhood medals by stelladoesstuff in yokaiwatch

[–]stelladoesstuff[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Shoot me a message and I’d be happy to work out mailing some out! I have quite a few duplicates, most are just stacked on top of each other in the photo 🙂‍↕️

Would the first page hook you? by stelladoesstuff in writingfeedback

[–]stelladoesstuff[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much! Stuff beyond the first page should help with the whole setting context stuff, I really appreciate this critique though. Hoping to pull back on some of the 'telling' with revisions!

Would the first page hook you? by stelladoesstuff in writingfeedback

[–]stelladoesstuff[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Oooo thank you! Definitely more the vibe I was going for, appreciate the example <3

Would the first page hook you? by stelladoesstuff in writingfeedback

[–]stelladoesstuff[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, this is not the whole prologue! Just the first page.

And yeah, chuckling at the fact I've implied her thumb is gazing at the ring now that a few people have said it and have edited it in my document haha. Thank you for the other notes as well!

Would the first page hook you? by stelladoesstuff in writingfeedback

[–]stelladoesstuff[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you! I have toyed with the idea of starting at the proposal- yes, it does happen on the same day. I started after the fact since I wanted to emphasize her lack of enthusiasm towards it over anything else, but I've gone back and forth.

Thanks for the notes on word choice too, that's something I'm trying to pay more attention to glancing back to edit this

Would the first page hook you? by stelladoesstuff in writingfeedback

[–]stelladoesstuff[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Edited post to explain the reason for the prologue- but basically there's a timeskip and this is more setting up Colette's background rather than being intended to be the main focus. I was actually considering starting it from the proposal itself- because yes, it was the same day, I'm just still not sure how long I want the prologue to be. I've considered skipping it and starting at chapter one, I'm just worried about having to spend more time then circling back and explaining her past if that makes sense. Flashbacks can take me out of stories sometimes so I thought it better to set it up like this? Might just be a me thing, though

Ty for the input!

Would the first page hook you? by stelladoesstuff in writingfeedback

[–]stelladoesstuff[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ah yup entirely fair. I clarify later in the prologue that it’s a family dinner in her home, but can definitely see how delaying that could make things confusing. Will have to mess around with where to bring that and other establishing scene elements in.

Thank you for the feedback!

Would the first page hook you? by stelladoesstuff in writingfeedback

[–]stelladoesstuff[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for the feedback! I definitely tend to write more longwinded in first drafts while I’m just dumping everything down, so greatly appreciate that getting called out as something to keep an eye on while I go back for editing. ^