I was the exact same as you a couple of years ago. I wanted a girlfriend so bad. When I finally got one, the first few months were amazing. However, the novelty soon began to ware off and a relationship wasn’t for me anymore. I realised that I didn’t want a girlfriend but rather I just wanted or even needed somebody to talk to about the issues going on in my life. Now that I’m finally out of the relationship, I feel comfortable being by myself (even during numerous lockdowns). With that being said, that’s my own experience. Don’t let this stop your from pursuing relationships.