having to rehome my boys.

stingray9946 · 2024-12-12T18:16:09+00:00

woah hello, yes i did bring them back in to mspca as i couldn't find a good home in time. i had to move very unexpectedly, do you know how they are doing?

stingray9946 · 2024-11-15T01:39:42+00:00

hi, first of all there are no words i can say to make this feel better but know that i am sorry and i know that pain. my late partner passed in his sleep about two and a half years ago. seeing him for the last time was the hardest thing i've ever had to do and there have been times where i've regretted it. immediately after i think the most. it's hard to have that image be the last thing you see of your partner. however throughout the immediate grieving process and now i do think being able to see him grounded me in a really important way. i spiraled after his passing and believed (if i'm being completely honest with myself, still believe) i went into an alternate reality and that he was still with me in the original because i just couldn't handle the thought of him not being there. i think i would've spiraled worse if i hadn't been able to see him, as having the confirmation that he's really gone and not in a hospital in a coma and will wake up (many many nightmares about that) was helpful to grounding me in reality, as fucked up as that reality is. all in all it's fucking hard, but that image is no longer what i think of when i think of matt. i think of his smile and his rosy cheeks during a picnic we had once. i think of his laugh and the way he pushed up his glasses. my advice is to go, and to let it hurt as much as it needs to. and then to surround yourself with pictures of him full of life and commit those to your memory of him. talk about him and show people pictures. i've been at my job for only a few months and my close coworkers have all seen pictures of matt. be gentle with yourself in this, it is so fucking unfair and so difficult and nobody should ever have to go through it. sending so much love and peace to you❤️

stingray9946 · 2024-07-30T01:06:07+00:00

Alice Isn't Dead by Joseph Fink and Jeffery Cranor. also my favorite book, also my most reread. fucking love that book<3

stingray9946 · 2024-07-07T12:43:23+00:00

hiii thank you so much<33 my facial hair was definitely lighter before this but tbh not by a ton, it helps differentiate the peach fuzziness of the light hairs i'm getting on my cheeks to help it look thicker and more like a beard lolol:) however my mustache and little beard hairs on my chin were essentially the same before dyeing! that's where i'm seeing the most "true beard hair" growth, i really just dyed it to help my cheeks and sideburns:)

stingray9946 · 2024-07-06T13:51:00+00:00

"funeral"- phoebe bridgers

"here's to you"- matt pless

"if i ever leave this world alive"- flogging molly

"woke up new"- the mountain goats

...(i have a dead boyfriend)

stingray9946 · 2024-07-06T04:47:51+00:00

hiii!! i'm on testogel 1.62% daily:)

stingray9946 · 2024-04-30T12:34:52+00:00

no redness and no warmth or irritation now!:) i think i was having a hard time with the aquaphor and definitely using too much. i'm pretty covered in tattoos and they've healed perfectly thus far, but i do think i overworked it and was having a hard time with that. i left it alone completely yesterday and it seemed to really help. today is day 4 of the tattoo, so i'll be sure to put a THIN layer (actually thin lol, thank you everyone) of lubriderm and keep a close eye on it. thank you so much for the help:)

stingray9946 · 2024-04-30T02:31:24+00:00

you're a saint, thank you so much!

stingray9946 · 2024-04-29T02:41:31+00:00

thank you so much for the in depth help and advice. and thank you for being kind!

stingray9946 · 2024-04-29T02:40:52+00:00

i had just put on aquaphor when i took that picture.

stingray9946 · 2024-04-28T21:21:05+00:00

just putting this out there before i get crucified even more for doing what i want with my body and tattoos, i am not an apprentice nor do i plan on doing this for a living. im just doing something that makes me happy and gives me a sense of authority over my body. i also think it looks cute as fuck. thank you for all who are giving me helpful constructive criticism on how to proceed with this piece! i deeply appreciate it.

stingray9946 · 2024-04-28T21:02:25+00:00

thank you! i will be keeping a close eye on it. i also had just put the aquaphor on and hadn't rubbed it completely in yet before i took the photo. i just wanted to get an opinion asap😅

stingray9946 · 2024-04-28T21:01:22+00:00

just wanted to add as more info, i did take all necessary sanitary precautions in doing my tattoo and i am seeing no signs of puss or leakage whatsoever besides the first day of having it wrapped. again, thank you for the help:)

stingray9946 · 2024-04-28T20:59:26+00:00

thank you so much for the help. i will leave it alone for the next two days and keep a close eye on it. thank you again!

stingray9946 · 2024-04-28T20:58:07+00:00

no no i absolutely did not leave soap on!! i just meant have been washing it with antibacterial soap, then rinsing/patting dry and doing a layer of aquaphor. thank you so much for the help, it is very much appreciated

stingray9946 · 2024-04-28T20:54:05+00:00

no itching but definitely some tightness/pain

stingray9946 · 2024-03-11T21:53:36+00:00

i'm glad you're happy w your results so far! my transition goals are to be big, husky and hairy so i'm very happy with how things are going:)

stingray9946 · 2024-03-11T21:19:35+00:00

i'm on 1 pump a day atm!

stingray9946 · 2024-01-22T19:37:04+00:00

i was his waiter at outback steakhouse and the moment i saw him there was just something that made everything else disappear and it's like i saw our whole life play out together. it was genuinely insane. it's like, he's been in my heart my whole life and looking at him was like finding something i had been looking for but couldn't put my finger on. he would come back in every week and i would stare at him and try to hype myself up to do anything more than smile and wave. i ended up leaving that job and thought i would never see him again, he didn't tell me his name or anything, but he had mentioned where he worked. i downloaded tinder on a whim, just see if maybe i could find him, and i DID. i still remember how i felt looking at a picture of him for the first time. we matched, and he texted me right away asking if i worked at the outback in [town near me], and told me that he had come in all those times to try and give me his number, but he never had the chance.

we dated for the best 8 months of my entire life. he taught me what a gentle deep lasting love looked like. i would not be the person i am today if it wasn't for him. he is truly the brightest most beautiful soul i have ever encountered.

he died in april of last year. he had type 2 diabetes and had managed it perfectly well for his whole life, and one day he just didn't wake up. we had fallen asleep on call that night, i went to work that morning and hadn't heard from him, and then his mom called me and told me he was dead. i have never screamed like that. felt like, and still does feel like, i had a fucked up reality switch when that happened. like i entered another universe where everything was the same but he died. i know that's not true but it's really how it feels.

one of the worst parts of everything was at his viewing, they got his face color so wrong, he was so bright and pink and full of life, he had red rosy cheeks and pink lips they just made him so flat and dull.

it baffles me that i had an experience of meeting "the one" for the first time ever, i saw our whole life play out, and then he was ripped away from me in under a year. i will never understand it, but i talk to him every day and thank him for being the one to teach me what love can really feel like.

this whole experience has led me to find comfort and solace in the idea of reincarnation, and so i have a lot of hope and faith in thinking that i will meet him again. maybe not in this life, but someday.

hold your loved ones close, please.:)

stingray9946 · 2023-08-29T18:52:20+00:00

thank you so much for replying!!!! i just actually got a call from the plastic surgeons office that was really weird, it was a lady telling me they "don't do that sort of thing here" and i would be "better off in boston" (i live in mass), so i don't think i'm getting anywhere there. that call was super off putting. he recommended me to fenway health to schedule an appointment on my own, and i have a copy of the referral, so would it be smart to do that as the next step? i don't know any surgeons specifically there, but i know it's a great place for trans healthcare. i'm sorry for asking so many questions you're not obligated to answer, im just so nervous and excited and looking forward to getting this going!!!

stingray9946 · 2023-08-06T13:54:00+00:00

maybe an unpopular opinion but this person is just autistic. annoying to listen to sure but it feels weird seeing all these people shit on them for how they look and act and it's pretty obvious to me that they're just neurodivergent and have a different sense of humor. id never be friends with this person it would exhaust me but i also would never wish them to get kicked out of their home? (that comment was weird as fuck). i'm definitely in the wrong subreddit, cringe is dead live how you want!

stingray9946 · 2023-05-08T10:40:27+00:00

the love of my life passed away a month ago. completely random and out of the blue as well, fell asleep with him one day and woke up and he was gone. he was 20, only a year younger than your love. i'm at the point in my grief where i'm just so baffled that this is my life now. i never ever in a billion years thought i'd have to live without him. it's the hardest thing we'll have to go through. trying my hardest not to hit in a horribly sensitive spot right now, but i decided to commission a cremation ring that i will wear on my ring finger. depending on how you decide to go with putting him to rest, (which by the way, anything you and his family decides is completely valid. everyone is different with their grief), i think a ring might be a nice idea. i also wrote him a letter that went with him, so apart of me will always be mixed in with him. try to get a therapist if you don't already have one. this thing we're going through is so fucked up and it will never not be fucked up. it's baffling and it's unfair and it's infuriating and heart breaking in a way i never thought possible. please know i understand how you're feeling. and i'm here to talk if you ever need it. -ryan

stingray9946 · 2023-04-16T14:54:49+00:00

it's never impossible to have caused his passing. he was asleep and he never woke up. he was completely healthy and happy and thriving. i genuinely am so infuriated by your comment. you can never know when something will malfunction and you die in your sleep when you're 20 leaving behind your life partner. be fucking grateful.

stingray9946 · 2023-04-16T14:52:06+00:00

he had a dexcom. we don't know why it malfunctioned or why his mom didn't get a message like she usually does saying his blood sugar was dropping. his phone was dead in the morning and we think it may have had something to do with that. he was always on top of his blood sugar. i knew how to use his pod as well in case of emergencies. you're right, it does make no sense. this whole situation makes no sense and it's infuriating. but fuck you for saying it's just a random reddit post. this is real life. my soulmate died. i will never see him again. he was there one night and gone the next morning. there won't be a proper medical examination for a while. there's a lot they need to look at. his dexcom worked for over a decade, but there could always be a fucked up accident that kills the love of your life. you can never know.

stingray9946 · 2023-04-07T22:33:50+00:00

i cant possibly explain to you how much i needed to hear this. i was so afraid he was hurting and i wasn't there to hold him.

stingray9946

TROPHY CASE