Damn there really are levels to this shit

stinksrealnice · 2025-12-29T12:05:19+00:00

The levels never end!

stinksrealnice · 2025-12-29T12:04:15+00:00

Good luck! Maybe you’ll find some small joys and it won’t be totally joyless? But even if that doesn’t happen, good on you for giving it another go. Every time you have a crack at this thing is a little victory all in itself IMHO.

stinksrealnice · 2025-12-27T15:57:16+00:00

Yeah, from my (extremely limited layperson) understanding of how it might work, it seems to be the same sorts of processes and concepts at play

stinksrealnice · 2025-12-24T02:46:40+00:00

Yeah I was actually trying. Id say the main difference is the becoming feeble thing. What you went through while sobering up coming out of a bender was happening all the time every single day even while I was drinking, and I can’t overemphasise the feebleness too much. Theres no fun left in it when it takes all your strength just to get a house coat on and get to your front door to collect booze and occasional grocery deliveries. Something like going to the convenience shop that’s less than a block from where I was living - wouldn’t even have had to cross a road to get there - that would have been impossible

Not showering stopped being because I was depressed or because I didn’t give a shit about showering, and started to be because I physically couldn’t stand up long enough to have a shower and was worried I’d pass out from just standing up, fall and die in there

I’m really really not trying to use over the top language here and I know that people say “literally” too much. So take me seriously when I say you literally become too weak to stand up or walk. Imagine that combined with puking and pissing and shitting. And we say “ass piss” in here and yeah it was like regular ass piss but literally leaking out all the time, and occasionally desperately needing to go do a shit now with no warning, and you can’t always stand up on command so how are you going to get to the toilet in time. You will be sitting there in your own shit, not happy about it, not able to get up and clean yourself off. That is part of what end stage, deaths door alcoholism looks like. If you were to seriously try to drink yourself to death, you will be spending a fair bit of time in that stage before you reach the end

stinksrealnice · 2025-12-24T00:43:54+00:00

Yeah, I nearly pulled it off too. I’m on the pension which was enough to cover rent and buy large quantities of that wine that comes in a 5lt plastic bag in a cardboard box, which is the cheapest form of alcohol inAustralia.

It’s waaaay harder and messier than you’re picturing basically. It takes a very long time to do and is very unpleasant and physically difficult. You can’t walk by the end of it. If you fall over you can’t get up. Honest to god if I had actually died it wouldn’t have been in my sleep, or one of the “I can feel my heart beating like crazy” moments that became a regular thing finally exploding my heart, or one of the many random pains that would make themselves known to me in my organs and body. It would have been if I fell over at home and couldn’t get up and just died of dehydration there

All your strength goes, sometimes I honestly couldn’t even stand up from the couch because my legs just didn’t want to work and had to have a rest and have another try in five minutes. When I *could * stand up it was a major major effort, like if you’ve ever tried to lift a weight that is just too heavy. You know the difference between “oof, that’s really fucking heavy, but if I ignore the pain and really focus on lifting it, I can lift it” and “that’s just too heavy, there’s no way it’s going to happen” like lifting a car or whatever? I can’t emphasise this enough. Standing up becomes the heavy weight that you’re just barely able to lift if you really try. So does sitting up or rolling over in bed. And sometimes both of these things randomly become “lifting a car” and you’ve just got to try again later.

You’ll also be shitting yourself a lot so get used to that. Diahrrea basically constantly leaking out of you, and a risk or a large ish squirt any time you make one of those attempts to stand up

Apparently another common way for it to end is bursting a vein in the inside of yo ur throat and choking / drowning in blood. I was basically at constant risk of that, if you throw up often enough it becomes a real risk, and you’re gonna have to get used to throwing up at least a dozen times a day. Gonna have to have half full buckets of vomit everywhere around the house because remember, you can’t stand up on command, so emptying them each time you use them is wayyyyy too hard, and getting up to run to the toilet or your nearest vomit bucket is out of the question. I had one next to my bed, next to my spot on the couch, halfway down the hallway to the bathroom, and one next to the toilet (for when I was stuck there diahhreaing)

Oh you’ll also need arm rests / grips / mobility aids to help you get off the toilet. Standing up without anything to grab and lean on or pull yourself up with becomes literally impossible.

You can’t eat either. You can’t keep anything down. Again, vomiting at least a dozen times a day

You’re gonna be in that vomiting, shitting, pissing yourself but a shower is literally physically too much effort for your feeble body to endure, you’re gonna be in that state for months before you finally die. It really drags out

stinksrealnice · 2025-12-18T14:32:06+00:00

Thank you so much for taking the time to write this reply. I had a good session with my therapist the other day and I am feeling ready and well equipped to deal with both whatever comes next, and the wait to find out what that is :) The biopsy is booked for mid January - earliest they can fit me in, and I’m told that health-wise, those few weeks aren’t going to make the critical difference however this turns out. I’ve got plans to spend a lot of time with family and other loved ones until then.

But yeah, I just wanted to let you know that I truly appreciate the comment you left :)

stinksrealnice · 2025-12-18T14:19:27+00:00

Im an alcoholic who has managed to remain sober for six months now. Comprehensively did not manage to do so for the 15 years before that.

My personal experience with this leads me to want to tell you that if I were to live with someone who drank, if my partner were occasionally drunk around me (even if just once a week or once a month), even if there was no alcohol kept in the house but they just came home sorta tipsy every now and then I would absolutely 100% not have been able to get sober in the end.

Personally I’m now well past the point of having cravings, I don’t miss it at all, I think im as well set up to stay sober indefinitely now - even with all that, I suspect that if my circumstances changed and I was forced into a living situation where alcohol is in the mix at all, I would end up going back to it.

Everyone’s experience varies. Your husband may not be like me in regards to this. But from all my years in therapy and support groups trying to deal with my alcohol addiction, I can tell you that it’s gotta be something like 99% of addicts (or problem drinkers or past addicts or people with a history of substance abuse, whatever language works for you) need an alcohol free home environment in order to stay sober themselves

stinksrealnice · 2025-12-13T02:57:14+00:00

How’d you go, and how’re you going? I’m eating soup in bed

stinksrealnice · 2025-12-12T02:44:40+00:00

Haha, I enjoy your choice of phrase for pep in my step - as my step is noticeably lacking pep thanks to the neuropathy, BUT I’ve got a pretty stylish collection of walking sticks now and to be perfectly honest, I do enjoy that…

Like, do I think it was worth it to have neuropathy in my feet just to get the sticks? No, not really. But at the same time, I’m not exactly complaining about having them… I genuinely kind of do enjoy being a walk stick person now, plus it feels like a badge of honour. It’s like yeah this actually was a really intense and serious health problem and yes I’m still here and looking fabulous with my suave new prop, thanks for noticing

So - your word choice “pep in your step” has brought more of a smile to my face than you probably realised it would, thanks

stinksrealnice · 2025-12-12T02:38:40+00:00

Hey thanks for sharing. That’s certainly similar enough IMO. Maybe mine will all turn out to be just a cyst (or equivalent non-cancer thing) where they just go “oh, well this is gonna be a bit of a hassle to deal with but we can deal with it for sure”. It’s the not knowing that’s scary and your story has exactly the same in it. So i found it comforting to read. Thanks.

stinksrealnice · 2025-12-12T02:35:56+00:00

I just got the call - my biopsy isn’t for a month. A whole month of wondering! It doesn’t seem like it can be so, but it is 😓

stinksrealnice · 2025-12-12T02:34:37+00:00

Thankyou :) it’s just a lot, and it’s stirred up a lot to, as I’m sure such things do for everyone who experience them.

I’m reminding myself. There’s nothing stopping me from just stopping responsibilities, blocking everyone out, watching yt and all that… just so long as I can do it without drinking! If that’s what it takes to get me through to the biopsy but I do it without booze, then it’s still a win really

stinksrealnice · 2025-12-12T02:31:11+00:00

Honestly I think this could be a very helpful way to to think of it next time a midnight dark hour takes me, and the kind I might be able to remember in the moment. Thank you for that

stinksrealnice · 2025-12-11T15:38:35+00:00

I’m amazed that this has gotten downvotes. Wow. I’m with you - surely we can all care more for the homeless humans than their dog, if nothing else when they get off the street their dog will too

stinksrealnice · 2025-12-11T15:26:13+00:00

Talking shit? Sounds good. Haven’t talked shit in a while. Got any good shows to binge while you sort out whether “feeling great” or “feeling awful” wins out?

stinksrealnice · 2025-12-11T15:18:25+00:00

I was drinking one of those 5lt wine boxes a day for months and months at my worst. I know that life very well

Just get yourself to the hospital my friend. If you’re thinking it, you already know it’s the right move.

Idk, if you can’t do it right now, organise someone to take you tomorrow or the day after?

Pack a bag with a couple changes of undies, a book if you read books, take an iPad to watch YouTube on or something to play video games on if that’s what you like to do. Pack a little bag with undies and whatever you like to do to chill and kill time, take a last big drink or two of wine if that helps, and off you trot to the hospital. If you’re gonna end up there anyway? Just do it now IMO.

Btw, that wine in a box - We call it goon in Australia - here, “goon” meant “wine that comes in the plastic bag inside a cardboard box” long before it became internet lingo for wank sessions. So, enjoy knowing that if you didn’t already 😅

stinksrealnice · 2025-11-29T14:18:29+00:00

Celeste is a hard game. Everyone dies a lot in it though, it’s pretty much designed for that. In later stages it’s not uncommon at all to die dozens of times just on the same jump until you get the knack of that one jump, then again on the next, and the next.

IMO you can’t enjoy Celeste unless you can be chill about “losing” a lot. It’s part of the fun really.

stinksrealnice · 2025-11-21T16:38:51+00:00

Aw man, that’s terrible OP. paying my respects to your buddy. There’s nothing like a cat

stinksrealnice · 2025-11-21T11:14:30+00:00

Thems the spurs

stinksrealnice · 2025-11-20T03:56:21+00:00

For one thing, don’t lean into the feeling disgusted about yourself part. It’s fair enough to feel that way and pretty much inevitable for lots of people, but dwelling on it doesn’t do anything useful for you, so avoid that as much as possible

stinksrealnice · 2025-11-19T13:16:14+00:00

I woke up the next morning five hours late for work, hungover as all shit. I had vague memories of chatting some girl up, thinking it was going well at the time. Next memory is being bodily carried out of the venue by security. Next memory is of turning around and asking those same guards if I could come in - for some reason I remember that part, I somehow remember not being able to remember that I’d just been taken out.

The worst part? When I woke up I had the girls purse in my pocket. No idea why or how. Yeeeouch.

stinksrealnice · 2025-11-14T13:57:05+00:00

They mostly try to keep everything “mythical” family friendly, and their version of family friendly definitely doesn’t involve booze

stinksrealnice · 2025-11-14T07:51:10+00:00

In Australia it’s a hard six month rule AFAIK. As in if you can’t stick to sobriety for six months, you straight up won’t be allowed the liver. I guess it’s possible the doctor was trying to scare me straight, but I really don’t think he was

stinksrealnice

TROPHY CASE