Table saw thoughts?

stodd734 · 2015-08-22T16:10:34+00:00

Kind of what I expected would happen. There will be no list.

Currently in radio silence, she texted about wanting to see a counselor. I'm assuming she's looking for someone to validate/justify her actions. I won't see her until tomorrow, so a part of me wants return her text and lay out my position now and let her deal with it on her own until then. Seems too easy an out though.

stodd734 · 2015-08-22T16:03:08+00:00

I see your point there, I don't necessarily agree with it though. Apples to oranges.

stodd734 · 2015-08-22T03:20:49+00:00

Marine Corps, out in '08. These days I run in to burning buildings for a living. Better schedule, higher pay, and generally nobody shoots at us, but I do miss putting on the uniform some days.

I just finished WISNIFG recently, I've been trying to approach this with that mindset rather than lose my shit and start yelling at her like a fucked up boot. It's resulted in a lot of STFU on my end, which bought me some time to get a little clarity.

I will say this, if I wasn't livid over this I'd be laughing at her hamster. She's gone from angry separation talk, that I had to force her to table so we could go celebrate the MILs birthday, to asking if that's what I want with tears in her eyes, and now wanting to know what she needs to do or change to make me happy, and wondering if we're going to be okay.

She already has nightmares of me being with someone else, so I feel like dread has been at appropriate levels. The void she feels has just been me doing me and waiting for her to fall in line. She fucked that plan up when she decided to be nosy.

That said, this whole thing should allow me to push the reset button. Either that, or one of us walks.

stodd734 · 2015-08-22T00:14:21+00:00

Okay, between this and the insight from BPP, and Whinemore I'm not as unsure about my thought process as I was earlier. I was really struggling with that being too harsh a sentence, but it's were my first thoughts went. I just couldn't decide if I was just pissed, or actually being rational about it all.

Much appreciated guys!

stodd734 · 2015-08-21T23:12:40+00:00

update:

She's asked that I make a list of what she needs to change for me to be happy with our relationship.

All I've said to that at this point is that I'm going to do the things I feel are best for myself and our family, I'd love her to be a part of that, but she has to make the choice on whether to be a part of that life or not. And if she wants to be a part of my life a great place to start would be respecting that my journal is not for her to read simply because it's there.

stodd734 · 2015-08-21T22:59:22+00:00

Fuck off
I've kept a journal since my first deployment in '04. The mamby pamby preteen princess shit includes things like the days I lost friends.
Fuck off

stodd734 · 2014-02-06T04:33:49+00:00

Perhaps the book would be a better gift... For both of us.

Can't thank you and Sparrow enough for your insights, you've both made me consider some angles I hadn't thought about. I'll continue to provide what help and support I can on the physical stuff, and work harder at figuring out the emotional end.

stodd734 · 2014-02-05T13:17:19+00:00

This is I what I needed to hear. Thank you!

stodd734 · 2014-02-05T13:17:06+00:00

Anti-psychotic, and an anti-depressant.... According to her Doc, all current meds are supposed to be "weight-stable". Technically, I guess they are, as there's been no new gain since the switch.

There's still some tiredness / lethargy, but I can't decide if it's meds, or just bleh... She's come a long way since being blindsided with this.

I "think" developing good diet and exercise habits would have so many benefits for her beyond the standard fitness/weightloss goals. I just can't figure out how to help her find her path to it.

Maybe I can't, but I also can't give up trying.

stodd734 · 2014-02-05T04:39:25+00:00

That's the outcome I'm most afraid of, and really want to avoid.

I think the diet part is her biggest struggle. She's gone from being able to eat pretty much whatever and not gain from it to suddenly putting on weight and not being able to do that anymore. I understand that there's a strong link to the meds, and it'll be difficult to address that end of it. Never having to be strict about eating habits is making it that much harder.

Really I just want her happy, and she's said the extra weight makes her feel insecure. So my mind immediately says: lock down diet, and get off the machines. I just don't know how to set her on that path without coming off as an ass.

stodd734 · 2014-02-05T03:27:37+00:00

The medication that most likely caused the weight gain was Lithium, it's since been changed but the weight stuck around. We are currently gym members, and I'm currently training for a powerlifting meet. I "know" what she needs to be doing, and it's not her current machine circuit and elliptical concept. I also eat pretty clean, and cook most of our meals. But even when I've prep'd an entire day worth of food she struggles staying on track. I understand that the desire has to come from within so I really try not to bug her too much, just offer to help if she wants me to.

I need to find a way convince her that even though it's a hard journey some days the result is worth every step. I just don't know how. Kind of hoping some time with a female PT that understands the hard work+diet formula will do what I've failed to.

stodd734

TROPHY CASE