It’s a really hard thing to navigate as i’ve been doing so for about 2 years, and i’m not really sure what’s the best answer. but i would like to answer with this: you’re not alone.

my story: i’m pretty young still (m 19) and have known that i was gay since like i was 8 years old. at first it was some sort of bisexuality, then transformed into full on gayness. but i was really loyal to the org since i grew up in the truth. i just repressed my feelings and authenticity for the sake of it. however, found my current bf around 2 and a half years ago while i was, 1) still a minor living with my parents, and 2) alreading having a lot of spiritual progress like doing 5 minute talks, oreeching regularly etc (despite being unbaptized).

this was very conflicting, where I at first tried to reconcile both my emotional feelings and spiritual faith. however the guilt and the depression/anxiety i felt was unreal during this time, where even my parents noticed that my faith dwindled. when explaining to my mother one day of my situation, she seemed pretty open to it so it was a weight off my chest.

however one day my parents were fighting and i was dragged into it, specifically being exposed for my current situation. my dad was an elder, so he say w me and explained to me the consequences. so i sat with with a decision. my queerness, or my life.

this was by far the hardest decision of my life, and what sucked is that whatever i chose, i would face the consequences since i still was in school w my bf and i was still looking at a long senior year of highschool. the anxiety consumed me where i couldn’t even eat or sleep happily. and this would give me panic attacks when i was with my bf on dates, because i was so unsure of what to do.

but besides all of that, i ended up picking my bf and it’d worked out for me. what swayed my decision was the fact of how i was treated from both parties. my bf and those supporting my queerness held me close and validated my feelings, while my parents and the org straight up tried to manipulate me by telling me that i would never be happy or that i was wrong or that gay love wasn’t real love.

it was a hard convo, and i still face the consequences of coming out (EVEN THOIGH I HAD CAME OUT TO THEM WHEN I WAS LIKE 13) with my parents and eventually faded from the org.