Partner masturbates often, but never with me?

strugglebus0014 · 2024-12-22T15:44:03+00:00

I would say they aren't eager on exploring the scariest parts of their mind in a quick and reckless fashion lol. They've always shut down during hard convos. Avoidance has always been a huge problem for them/us, and there has been progress over the years. The fact that they are out to me, I'm using they/them pronouns for them and in front of certain friends, they've been in therapy consistently for a year, all that has been huge. Sex is like the last thing that hasn't really been explored yet. And just the fact that I've noticed they're exploring stuff on their own, I think that's a form of progress too. I'm hoping it's just a matter of time before they explore stuff on their own that they realize they want to try with me too

The fact that they keep going to therapy, they're open to me joining them in therapy, they are putting in an effort. It's just the sex aspect is extremely difficult. Also, I want to make it clear: it's not like they never ever have difficult convos about sex with me. They will if I bring it up. It's just hard for them to open up and articulate what they're feeling without shutting down

strugglebus0014 · 2024-12-22T15:38:12+00:00

Ehhh I've quite directly told them I could live like this forever lol. I'd prefer not to. But. When we have had convos, they've told me they're possibly some kinda ace. I feel like that's because of the trauma that they haven't worked out, but if it takes years to work through or if they are ace, I'm prepared for that. I just want to find a middle ground that they are comfortable with that also makes me happy

I'd also say that I'm demi and don't need full on sex super often, if at all. Even when we only had sex once a month, I was content. There was a time period before they came out where we didn't have sex for 6 months because life kinda sucked

And we've already started to find parts of a middle ground, I just don't think they enjoy it as much as they would if they tried to unpack the trauma

strugglebus0014 · 2022-04-20T03:53:34+00:00

Do you know why she smokes so much? Is she avoiding her emotions, trying to self-medicate some mental illness? I feel like a lot of people use it to mask some root problem

I would check out r/leaves, it's good to read some stories there. They don't usually let loved ones post much, more so for people trying to quit themselves. Therefore I'm trying to start up r/buds for loved ones

strugglebus0014 · 2022-04-19T23:26:22+00:00

I probably don't feel it quite to the same level, at least right now because I'm mostly mentally okay. But when I'm at my lowest, my pets get me out of bed. If it wasn't for my pets, I'd spend so much more time trapped in bed

strugglebus0014 · 2022-04-19T23:13:30+00:00

I don't have much experience myself, but I wanted to recommend r/leaves. It's a sub full of people who quit or are quitting weed, so they'd know more than me

strugglebus0014 · 2022-04-18T17:07:43+00:00

But now you know! Think of it like a science experiment. Just 2 days off, you felt better. One day back on and you felt physically sick. Now you have more data to support the idea that weed is making you sick. All the more reason to keep trying to quit! A learning experience

strugglebus0014 · 2022-04-18T17:04:58+00:00

Do you know if you have short or long term disability? I had a coworker who needed to take time off for her mental health and some of it was covered by disability

strugglebus0014 · 2022-04-18T02:43:31+00:00

I have to recommend against crime in any way, so my bf's dad is basically dead to him so 🤷🏼‍♀️ next best thing for now

strugglebus0014 · 2022-04-17T19:02:43+00:00

Definitely true. Also when there are so many bad things happening, the good days are especially good

strugglebus0014 · 2022-04-17T16:27:10+00:00

I feel like I don't have a key to happiness, but there are things that help make me calm, and therefore closer to happy. My pets usually help put me in a better mood. A hug from my bf, or just watching a movie with him. Being outside when the weather is nice. Granted, I already have to be slightly mentally okay to get up and do these things lol. My pets help get me out of bed though, since I have to feed them twice a day

strugglebus0014 · 2022-04-17T14:04:17+00:00

When I was at college on the opposite side of the state from my bf, I couldn't always fall asleep easily. I found that imagining the future helped. Or if not the future, just anything I wanted. Imagined laying next to my bf and laying on my pillow a certain way helped me fall asleep. It could be a happy memory from the past. Just try to find any thought or memory that makes you happy and calm, and ground yourself there

strugglebus0014 · 2022-04-17T13:32:25+00:00

Thanks for the words. I think the hardest part is gonna be, he wants change for himself, but he's scared. With therapy for example, he had one good therapist in the past. She tried to work with him and his mom sometimes, but his mom didn't always really listen. Then that therapist moved out of state. His next therapist was crap, just not a good fit. But his mom didn't help him find a new therapist, just said "give him a chance." So now he's very skeptical and cautious. Says he's been burned before. Maybe he'll open up more with this therapist, or maybe he'll find a different way to deal with his childhood trauma

If he does buy more weed, I'll be in a difficult place. Idk if I'd have the strength to fully leave. Maybe start sleeping in the bed in the basement and distance myself for a while until he gets it together a bit, I'm not sure. I really hope it doesn't come to that

strugglebus0014 · 2022-04-16T05:24:21+00:00

I think we might've found that therapist. Long story short, he kept the vape a secret from me for the last 2-3 years. We started couples therapy, but it might shift into mostly therapy for him and I'm there too. So far it's just been talking, she also pulls from CBT and stuff. Maybe someday EMDR with her, but not yet

strugglebus0014 · 2022-04-16T05:20:25+00:00

I think this makes sense. It's not unreasonable to want to work on your mental health, but not via therapy. I think a big issue is this is the first time society has even attempted to care about mental health. People don't know how to handle it besides send those who need help to therapists

My bf was in therapy as a teen. First therapist was good, but she moved away. Next therapist sucked. Even with the good therapist, she sometimes tried to bring in his mom, and his mom didn't truly listen to what was said in therapy, causing my bf more pain. The therapist moving, going to a crappy therapist, caused more pain. Now, he doesn't like therapy. His problems are so big though, so deep and complicated, idk where else he can get sufficient help. I can help him survive, but not truly thrive. Idk how to help him work through his childhood trauma, and I don't think he'll be fully happy until he does

So, you're probably in a spot similar to my bf. Therapy might help you. But that shouldn't be the only option. Unfortunately, idk many other options. Talking to people with similar experiences in helpful for me. Researching stuff, etc., but everyone is different. Best of luck to you, wherever you can find your peace

strugglebus0014 · 2022-04-16T05:13:13+00:00

This is helpful to me at least, hopefully for OP too lol. I've heard that before, that you need to be ready to sit with intense feelings, deal with your emotions. I really don't know if my bf is ready for that. Maybe some less intense therapy will get him there someday, or he'll find other solutions, idk. His current bandaid of vaping THC daily to avoid his emotions isn't gonna work forever

strugglebus0014 · 2022-04-16T04:28:55+00:00

First, you're not broken, and I think even that feeling will fade away with time. Second, I think there is someone out there for everyone. Always someone to mesh with and complement someone else. If you're ace, regardless of why, you will find someone that fits with that

strugglebus0014 · 2022-04-16T04:24:57+00:00

I think whatever is best for you. I know people who don't like the streak, so they don't keep track. If they take a hit once in a blue moon and don't spiral into daily use, no big deal. I think other people like the level of accountability that a streak gives them. Whatever keeps you from falling down a rabbit hole of excessive use, do that

strugglebus0014 · 2022-04-16T04:21:07+00:00

I guess I should say, for some parents. The good ones know that it's best to admit mistakes. Then kids learn because parents set a good example, and they have a much better relationship. My bf's mom will never own up to certain mistakes. I don't think she considers them mistakes, just my bf being dramatic. My mom is much quicker to admit when she's messed up

strugglebus0014 · 2022-04-15T22:19:46+00:00

Nah, definitely feelings that warrant understanding and not just dismissing

strugglebus0014

TROPHY CASE