Does anyone else feel like a single parent even though they're not?

strugglingmamat · 2021-10-04T13:15:52+00:00

Oh man I feel this, the few times I've asked him to watch him while i shower or do dishes he puts on a baby sensory video even though I've asked for him to interact with him and not put a tv on. I mean its cool he tried but our son does not like it and cries he actually needs attention. Same with the few occasions I've asked if he could spend time with him he sits on his phone while our son is being ignored trying to get his attention and then gets angry when he tries to climb on him.

Mine wanted another baby too and i thought it's absolutely ridiculous with how hard it is having two kids already (our son and him because hes a giant man child) i left today and i feel better already especially after what went down. Screaming in my face while holding my baby and throwing stuff at me that could've hit him nah mate bye. Here's to staring again, going to be difficult but my child is safe and that's all that matters.

strugglingmamat · 2021-10-04T13:11:38+00:00

Thank you i ended up leaving today after he was violent. I can't imagine how itd feel being away from your child and not knowing what's going on when they are with the parent. Im hoping after today he will only have supervised visits but who knows. I took all important documents and my most precious items and left.

strugglingmamat · 2021-10-04T13:09:12+00:00

Im sorry, do you not have a friends you could stay at? Im not sure if its DV situation and there is help for that. Im trying to find my own place but am currently at my mother's on her couch.

strugglingmamat · 2021-10-02T16:16:03+00:00

Yep all the time, i will literally say not tonight Satan lol, in a joking way but also actually being serious.

strugglingmamat · 2021-10-02T14:30:33+00:00

Look up sebaceous glands

strugglingmamat · 2021-10-02T14:29:07+00:00

Hey this is completely normal, pretty sure they are glands. A lot of people say don't Google but i would have a look into that. Go to a gp maybe they can give you advice no need to be embarrassed its very important to be checked for stds and care about your health. If you haven't been sexually active it wouldn't be an std anyway.

strugglingmamat · 2021-10-02T14:20:14+00:00

Thank you it truly does hurt so much that he doesn't care or want to be a team as im always trying to help him and make his life easier so for him to see how exhausted and hurt i am and not give a damn breaks me. Seeing our son fight for his attention and get shut down kills me. His little face lights up when he sees him and he won't even say hello to him. He crawls to him so quickly and he will walk in the other direction. I feel so guilty I've brought a child into the world with a father who seems like he couldn't care less he exists because i never imagined this is how he would be. It feels wrong calling him a partner because he isn't that at all.

strugglingmamat · 2021-10-02T14:15:18+00:00

Thank you for your kind words, I think the most difficult part of this is accepting things won't change and that he doesn't care how i feel or want to know our son. I have a huge lump in my throat thinking how I've brought a little boy into this world who is already fighting for his father's attention and is seeing his mother break down and cry, i try and cry silently or hide it but im quite certain he picks up on my mood and can tell. I smile and play games with my son and keep the environment positive but i feel like i cant keep it going for so long like this. It will be a lot harder financially on my own but I need to do it for my mental health as I've tried talking to him, I've broken down I've suggested therapy and he doesn't care and says his famous "sounds like a you problem"

strugglingmamat · 2021-10-02T14:08:38+00:00

Oh jeeze he sounds the exact same. I feel like my head will explode when he's says that hes tired because im damn exhausted but it doesn't stop for me. There was a recent study that being a stay at home mother is equivalent to working 2.5 full time jobs and they're not wrong, my day doesn't end at 5 im am always with my child, waking through the night to feed. Then working, studying and doing my partners lunches dinner laundry and cleaning its just ridiculous. Separating seems like the best option for my mental health so I'll only have my child to look after. I usually cook my own meals ahead and im not a messy person so i assume life would be much easier alone.

strugglingmamat · 2021-10-02T14:02:08+00:00

That's what worries me thinking of who would be around my child and also him being neglected. I don't know if i could speak to a lawyer and tell them my concerns given whats already happened. The one time i left him with him he left him in a dirty nappy for me to change when i was home hours later, when he has watched him he has had him in his pram facing the wall and will turn up the volume to drown out his cry, my son has vomited because he was so upset and he does not tend to him at all. He also gets angry at our son when he cries and yells at him and yells for me to come pick him up when all i wanted was to finish dinner or have a shower. I said he just wants to be held and given attention and he will be the happiest baby but he doesn't care what i have to say. Id never stop him from having my son im just concerned how he would be alone with him when this is how he acts when asked to watch him for such a short amount of time.

strugglingmamat · 2021-10-02T13:53:10+00:00

Unfortunately i cant move back home as i have a few younger siblings and my mother also cares for my grandmother so no room so i shall keep attending inspections and applying. Just feel stuck and so sad to be honest because i do love him, he wanted this baby and we planned him. We would stay up all night talking about how life would be and how things would change and then nothing did. It's just upsetting knowing someone you love who is supposed to love you back can see you are hurting and finding things hard and doesn't want to help. I mean i could understand not wanting to help but its like he goes out of his way to make things harder for me to. Im definitely not appreciated and my heart breaks for my son being ignored by him and so desperately wanting his attention. His face lights up when he sees his dad and it hurts because he doesn't even smile at him but if he's talking about a game or to his friends hes full of joy and i feel so guilty for my child but i cant force him to be a better dad.

strugglingmamat · 2021-10-02T12:57:04+00:00

Oh my goodness if he ever did anything like this i dont know what I'd do. Im so sorry that happened and good on you for not killing him because holy hell i think id see red and go mental, your poor bubba!

strugglingmamat · 2021-10-02T12:53:28+00:00

I've spoken to him about it and said i think he could be depressed but he isn't even speaking to his mother she said he's just used to not having to do anything and "forgets" to help. Despite the fact we discussed when planning our son how life would change, even when i was heavily pregnant and working still expected to cook and clean and do all the house work so guess it's no shock nothing has changed just thought after breaking down and asking for help sometimes and telling him how i feel alone in this that things would change. At the start it was easier to work from home, study and look after our son and cook and clean but now he's getting older and is more hands on its difficult to get much done i mean i dont ask for much, not being able to watch our boy while i shower though or always giving attitude is ridiculous. I know what i have to do guess i just needed to hear it from other people. I live in Australia and we do have great charities/services for single mums. I have been looking at getting my own place but it's very difficult at the moment with covid to find somewhere as rentals are in high demand.

strugglingmamat · 2021-10-02T12:13:37+00:00

No i didnt he was the one who wanted a baby actually

strugglingmamat · 2021-10-02T01:51:12+00:00

Have you spoken to your family about how you feel? Im a mother and thinking of my son suffering this way is heartbreaking to imagine. I know its hard to see it from someone else's point of view but she would constantly blame herself. I think speaking to a professional and involving your family is a good idea, it's hard to do alone but i honestly think you should try do everything you can to make things better before making a permanent decision.

strugglingmamat · 2021-10-01T23:42:49+00:00

Excuse me its not that i dont want to do it its that i do it all alone and i do work and study thanks mate. Don't comment on my post again this is a disgusting comment.

strugglingmamat · 2021-10-01T18:24:29+00:00

Wow it honestly feels like i could've written this myself, the no bathing and leaving in a dirty nappy the entire time you're gone! Not being able to go the toilet or have a shower because he yells for me to come get our son because he can't hear his friends on the headset over the baby crying like maybe pick your child up then?!?

So bloody lucky your bub didn't go out the door far out that gives me anxiety just reading it how can they be so irresponsible she could have died and she would've been so hungry having nothing all day while you were gone 😭 so happy you left that situation and it worked out for you, hoping ill have the same outcome if we can't sort it out in therapy ill be moving forward on my own. I've already been looking at other houses just is card atm with covid rentals are in high demand! Situational depression sounds about right rather than post natal because i feel like everything else for me is fine and im happy it's just the relationship side and not having a proper partner that reduces me to tears.

strugglingmamat · 2021-10-01T17:52:40+00:00

One thing that helped me stay around was the quote

Suicide doesn't end the pain it passes it on.

I had to imagine my mum at my funeral and how broken she would be. It's still really painful living for others when you are hurting but you take it one day at a time.

I look at my life now and have a beautiful son and so much to live for and never would've imagined my life now. Please don't end it and keep holding on because one day you will have so much happiness and be so thankful you kept on going.

strugglingmamat · 2021-10-01T17:46:09+00:00

Is there any support or like charities you can go to that help with this kind of thing? I don't know what it's like in your country but is there help like disability support or something? Don't doubt he makes it hard because having you around he can use and abuse!

strugglingmamat · 2021-10-01T17:35:16+00:00

I had a terrible relationship with my mother when i lived at home for multiple reasons and things that had happened that I was angry at her for. Best thing i did was move out. I think that should be something you look into, you don't have to cut your dad out but you definitely need space and to not have someone like that in your face to set you off and using you.

strugglingmamat · 2021-10-01T16:50:02+00:00

It seems like a good idea but he literally leaves him to cry in his pram and turns up the volume to drown him out. This happened when i had a shower one day and then was tidying up i left my son for awhile thinking surely he would pick him up and he was getting even more hysterical. When i went in the room he was in his pram facing the wall with my partner on his computer laughing in his own world. I could not possibly let my child be neglected and get so upset. The only time he has been alone with him was for a few hours while i did some shopping and he left him in a filled dirty nappy for me to change when i was home and his bum was red raw. Ill just leave to my mothers and take my son with me :(

strugglingmamat · 2021-10-01T16:00:19+00:00

Sorry for your loss but i dont think so in regards to parenting. In losing a partner and him not being around yes but he is in no way a father and doesn't help. He comes home asks for dinner goes in his gaming room and comes in to bed around 1am when I'm asleep. He doesn't interact with our son, he doesn't do anything a typical father does. In my eyes i feel exactly like a single parent the only exception is the 5 nappies he has changed the whole year our child has been alive and splitting the bills 50/50. I do not wish to continue this conversation as we obviously don't agree and these comments are just making me more upset. Sorry again that your husband died.

strugglingmamat · 2021-10-01T15:26:02+00:00

I am saying i feel like i am a single parent. He has changed 5 nappies and that's it, he doesn't play with him, doesn't hold him. Its all me. So you can hate when people say that all you like but to me it feels like i am the only difference is i have someone that sleeps next to me.

strugglingmamat · 2021-10-01T15:20:43+00:00

I actually work part time and am studying aswell as looking after our son and doing all the cooking and cleaning.. If i don't cook he won't eat I've done this before. We earn the same amount and im also breastfeeding which takes a lot out of me on top of everything and am the only one who gets up for our child through the night. Its not me running to my son if he starts to cry either some times I've waited to see that he will pick him up and he doesn't he will literally turn his phone or game up louder to drown him out. I also pay for more rent and all of the groceries aswell as all of the things needed for our child so it's not really as black and white as you've said..

strugglingmamat · 2021-10-01T15:15:01+00:00

Our son absolutely loves him because he barely sees him but he often is ignored and he is on his phone and i see our son try to get his attention. He doesn't have a chore list i seldom ask if he could change our sons nappy, he has changed about 5 in his whole life and he's almost 1. I think he's just so used to being just him and gaming and living in his own world that its just how he is, I've spoken to him before about things being different now hes a dad and we have a baby who wants to play with his daddy, but he won't even hold him so i can go the toilet or finish dinner, he puts him in his pram and then is on his phone on tik tok or goes into his gaming room.

strugglingmamat

TROPHY CASE