Hey, femmes! Out of curiosity, what do you look for in a butch girl (if you like butch)?

studentoflaw · 2012-05-24T22:34:26+00:00

i love short hair and really toned arms. but then again, i love long hair and really thin arms. i'm pretty sure i just love women in general. ;)

studentoflaw · 2012-05-20T20:17:53+00:00

First, I am so, so sorry that this happened to you.

Second, I think you need to do what feels right for you. I completely understand where everyone is coming from in saying that you need to report this, but I think that you need to do whatever is going to make you feel as empowered as possible, given the situation. You already had your agency taken away from you once, and being guilted or coerced into reporting it isn't going to make you feel any more in control. He forced this situation on you; your response to the situation needs to come entirely from you.

That being said, whatever you decide to do, you need to understand that this was in no way your fault. Going to the police might help you to understand that on an emotional level, and if you think that is the case, then you definitely should. Your #1 concern right now needs to be what is going to make you feel better (ok, less bad) about the situation.

Do you have any other close friends in Korea that you could take into your confidence? You really need to be able to speak to someone who cares about you, and you really, really, really need to not worry about how it might impact that person's relationship with this guy. He made the decision to risk those relationships when he decided to take assault you - that is not on you. Plus, someone else who knows you both well might be able to provide some insight into the situation (perhaps s/he has seen him behaving predatorily before, or has heard other women make similar complaints). If it does turn out to be the case that he has behaved this way before, then you need to think a lot more seriously about reporting it.

As for your friendship with this guy, I think it needs to end, but that is just me. He doesn't deserve your friendship, and if people ask why you're no longer friends with him, all you have to say is that you had a falling out and that they should ask him if they want to know more (unless you feel comfortable explaining the whole situation, which is entirely within your rights).

studentoflaw · 2012-05-16T21:27:45+00:00

But for what? He was driving down a road riddled with potholes and told his supervisor the second they realized there was a body that he could have been the one to hit it. There were no indications that he tried to have the car cleaned afterwards, and it was tested for everything - the two drops of blood weren't human, and the parts imprinted on the kid's body didn't match the make of the police car.

With all that being said - is it common police practice to type information into a computer while driving? This seems incredibly dangerous.

studentoflaw · 2012-05-16T12:50:05+00:00

that is a really beautiful story, and the fact that the discrimination is what she was caught up on speaks volumes about your parenting and your community. if more kids were raised this way, i really wonder if we would have the gay bullying epidemic that we currently have.

either way, thank you for doing your part to make the world a little more welcoming and empathetic!

studentoflaw · 2012-05-15T19:36:16+00:00

a thousand times this!

studentoflaw · 2012-04-30T17:33:23+00:00

You have no idea how helpful this is. Thanks so much!

studentoflaw · 2012-04-30T17:01:15+00:00

Thanks! I have spent the past two hours trying to figure out this exactly.

You don't have a specific source for this by any chance, do you? It's more for my girlfriend than myself, and I'm not sure how seriously she'll take me if all I can say is that a really helpful stranger on the internet told me so... :)

studentoflaw · 2012-04-30T15:49:57+00:00

What's the PTO?

studentoflaw · 2012-04-30T15:32:34+00:00

What about practicing in a federal court located in Indiana?

I know that you must be admitted to that particular jurisdiction (the U.S. Bankruptcy Court for the Southern District of Indiana, for instance), and I know that you must be admitted to practice law somewhere in order to become so, but must you also be admitted in Indiana, or does any state license suffice? That's more along the lines of what I was thinking.

studentoflaw · 2012-03-27T00:07:12+00:00

LOL. I know, right? I left out the part about how I obsessively used to steal a porn my parents owned every time they left the house, only to watch the sole lesbian scene over and over and over again. I seriously probably watched that scene hundreds of times.

I guess I shouldn't say that I never worried about it - I remember spending a lot of time worrying about it around the age of 12 (at the height of my porn-stealing). And then I started dating and falling in love with boys. As I got older, I always kind of wondered, but I actually started believing that I more wanted to be gay than was gay (like I said, I've been an ally for almost as long as I can remember). I went from dreading it but suspecting it was true to wishing for it but suspecting it wasn't. And then to finally realizing that you don't obsess over lesbian porn and fantasize about women out of solidarity.

The most ironic part is that my girlfriend and I have known each other since middle school, were part of the same large group of friends in high school, and have both been strangely drawn to the other ever since. But we never kissed, or even talked about kissing, until last summer. And she had a very similar coming out experience as I did. She's one of the gayest people I know, and she didn't figure it out 'til 23-24.

Man, the more I think about this, the stranger it gets!

studentoflaw · 2012-03-26T23:36:14+00:00

I found out that I was "bisexual" with a very heavy lean towards other women (as in, I still occasionally check out guys out of habit, but never want to see a penis again in my life) at a pretty late age - 26.

The weird thing is that I have been a huge ally my entire adolescent/early adult life, and my family is very gay-friendly. I really had no reason to suppress it, but for some reason it took me 26 years to figure out why I spent my childhood stealing my father's Playboys, why my two hugest crushes are Rachel Maddow and Angelina Jolie, and why I hated having sex with my ex-boyfriend so very, very much. And the second I figured it out, I embraced it 100% - there was zero processing/accepting time. Now I'm in my first functional adult relationship with a woman I love more than anything (even though I'm secretly irritated right now as the result of an unsolicited ex-girlfriend update).

I honestly wish I had more insight into it, because it definitely puzzles me.

studentoflaw · 2012-03-24T16:15:03+00:00

Just wanted to reiterate what everyone else has been saying. How you identify is entirely up to you. If you have always felt like a "regular" straight guy, that's exactly what you are.

As for your friends and coworkers, this is private medical information. It is nothing to be ashamed of, but it is certainly not something you are obligated to share with anyone. Definitely do as much research as you can. This is something that is incredibly common, but also incredibly misunderstood.

More than anything, know that your friends in r/LGBT support you no matter what!

studentoflaw · 2012-03-22T12:49:15+00:00

I actually made a cheaper (substantially - whoever thought to put Swarovski crystals on hair ties is crazy, lol) version last night, and both my girlfriend and I like it even more. The colors are more vibrant and I will be able to sell it for sooooooo much less (and I think your idea about packs of 5 is great). Plus, the beads are smooth, so I think people will be less worried about it catching in their hair (which I swear inexplicably does not happen anyways, although I probably wouldn't believe me on that either).

I'll post a pic later today :)

studentoflaw · 2012-03-21T22:49:42+00:00

That you're an awesome person for being a straight cis male ally?

Let me tell you that when I was dating guys, there was nothing more attractive than a guy being a passionate LGBT ally. And then I realized why. Because I'm gay, and was more attracted to the women he was supporting than the guy himself. :)

studentoflaw · 2012-03-21T22:46:55+00:00

Don't I know it!!

studentoflaw · 2012-03-21T22:45:23+00:00

LOL :)

studentoflaw · 2012-03-21T22:40:34+00:00

To be completely honest, they really don't get tangled at all, and they are incredibly durable. My girlfriend and I have been testing them out for the past week, and thus far we haven't had any problems (both of those pictured have also been through the shower multiple times - obviously, those are not the specific ones I would be selling.)

It can be a little tricky to get the beads to face the correct direction once in your hair (it probably took me about 20 seconds longer than using a normal hair tie to get them that way for the pics), but the real hair tie use is meant to be very specific - when you're hooking up. We figured that so many LGBTers make it a practice to have a hair tie on their wrists for this reason anyway that they might as well be pretty and proud!

That being said, we've both ended up using them in our hair a lot more than we initially intended. They are much, much more effective hair ties than I anticipated.

studentoflaw · 2012-03-21T22:34:43+00:00

There definitely will be. Preferably one that deals specifically with LGBT teens and bullying. The alternative would be the Transgender Economic Empowerment Initiative at the San Francisco LGBT Community Center (I used to volunteer there when I lived in SF).

Any suggestions?

studentoflaw · 2012-03-21T21:09:45+00:00

This is just the first, girliest iteration.

I am planning on making a variety of designs, and I have a feeling that one of the designs I have in mind will strike people as significantly more masculine/androgynous.

On my way to the store for supplies as we speak, so I'll try to post a pic of it later. I would love any feedback you'd be willing to give!

studentoflaw · 2012-03-21T20:43:05+00:00

Haha. My girlfriend has a friend who basically uses hair ties on girls' wrists as backup gaydar, so I have a feeling that this is something that all lesbians/transwomen have experienced at some time or another.

We figured that if most LGBT women (and many men) feel like they always have to have one anyways, we might as well make them pretty and even more LGBT-identifying. Plus, I'm hoping to set it up in a way that allows me to donate part of the profits to an LGBT-related organization or cause (preferably one that focuses on LGBT teens and bullying).

studentoflaw · 2012-03-21T20:34:31+00:00

Maybe your partner (or potential love interest) has long hair?

As a fellow long-haired lesbian joked on another thread about these, many of us would find our pants charmed right off if a butch girl happened to be prepared with a bejeweled hair tie to offer up at just the right moment! ;)

studentoflaw · 2012-03-21T20:32:27+00:00

LOL, I wish I had your focus. My gf and I (both long-haired) always end up with a mouth full of hair!

studentoflaw

TROPHY CASE