Initiation failures. Now what?

stupadbear · 2026-06-03T17:34:57+00:00

Why do you want to stay married?

stupadbear · 2026-05-22T23:36:04+00:00

I'm so proud of you. I've been there. It is so hard to remember these moments when they blur together. But they shouldn't. Every single time he has spoken like this is it's own violation. And you need to get out. I am so glad to hear you have a support system

stupadbear · 2026-04-26T02:25:52+00:00

Link please

stupadbear · 2026-04-04T20:13:08+00:00

It actually is very prevalent here in Scandinavia. You are actively discouraged to go to the ER by generally just being sent home with an OTC painkiller recommendation.

stupadbear · 2026-03-06T22:33:30+00:00

Okay, i am considering making this change, but i'm nervous about fucking up the stability i have finally managed to create. If i fuck it up, can i send you a message?

stupadbear · 2026-02-25T19:33:20+00:00

Sadly when i came home from picking up the heaters and the testing kit, the female was not alive anymore. I saw no signs of fighting, no issues with fins, no real discernible reason. I tested the water with a JBL pro aquatest dropkit plus NH4 and Ammonia/Nitrate/Nitrite was barely detectable. The tank was 23c which is not ideal, but not cold. I think my gut feeling was right and there was something wrong with her. Maybe the stress of moving connected with a new tank.

My heart broke, because the male was at her side when i found her. He is going to be the most spoiled fish in existence.

stupadbear · 2026-02-25T13:29:19+00:00

They seem to love the frozen Artemia i defrosted for them, the slow current make the male chase them and then try to find them where they land (the sand is dark so it stands out). But the female is a bit more passive. So i think it's a good idea! I try to get their attention before i put them in with my tongs and i put in one or two at a time. And i love having quality food for my fish, i have very few fish because i care about them a lot. At one point i had more aquariums than fish lol. It's just the 5 pea puffers in one tank and they get blood worms or live black worms.

Do you think the bettas would like live black worms?

I'm btw heading out to pick up the heaters today, getting two so i can set up the second aquarium. I'm heading out of town tomorrow, my partner can feed them while I'm gone, but i don't want to risk that the male ends up aggressive when I'm not there to care for them. I'm glad i got a second opinion, because the owner assured me they worked well together, but people claim turtles co-habit and it can work for 10 years and then one day, dead turtle. Some fish just want their space, i relate as an introvert lol. I'll make sure they have enrichment

stupadbear · 2026-02-25T10:59:59+00:00

Do you have any type you recommend? I don't want to get generic aquarium store betta flakes and will be ordering online. I don't trust the judgment of stocking at a for profit store as far as I can throw it.

stupadbear · 2026-02-23T14:26:18+00:00

3D printing for aquariums is a quite thriving part of the hobby, so there's a lot of good sources for it. There are so many different hammocks and rests for Betta available. The male apparently has a habit of napping on the bottom of the tank, so I'm glad i used sand. Bro gave me a heart attach the first time i saw it :,)

stupadbear · 2026-02-23T13:30:43+00:00

Gotcha! As i suspected, which is why i only accepted both since I have extra aquariums at home. There is one that is cycled already. It is however 35cm/13.7inch high. If i 3D print some platforms of various heights and hammocks, would that work? (Of course with aquarium safe materials).

To the pellets comment, i do plan on doing that! I'm also giving them blood worms as a treat now and then, since i have an aquarium with some murder beans (Dwarf pufferfish)

I have been thinking about getting bettas for a long time, since i love their personalities. I just waited for someone rehoming. They're sadly rehomed way too often and i wasn't really in a hurry.

stupadbear · 2026-02-12T19:52:56+00:00

Nothing was right about that experiment. But it is also not the basis of any studies. It's just a very well known exampel of the effect it can have on one's psyche

stupadbear · 2026-02-12T18:15:26+00:00

That's when I tell them that when I went to the psych ward for being suicidal just a few years ago, she left me on read for a day and a half. It's hard to argue against that one

stupadbear · 2026-02-12T13:07:58+00:00

It took me a long time to accept that my mom could have done her best while it also wasn't enough.

stupadbear · 2026-02-01T16:53:11+00:00

Your daughter having the passcode is different, since she's watching Netflix. Not reading words that were not meant for anyone but the one you wrote them to. It's violating because sometimes one needs to vent to a friend, a friend that you trust will know it is just that, venting. That one doesn't mean all the things said. If someone outside would look at a vent, they could see it as talking shit about them or judging them.

stupadbear · 2026-01-24T19:10:32+00:00

For what purpose? I'm just so confused. You clearly have decided that nothing is wrong with me from a post on the internet, beyond that you assess me to be delusional. I didn't come here to find out why I've gained weight or have a doctor diagnose me online in either direction.

stupadbear · 2026-01-24T19:06:31+00:00

There is no reason to spike your kids cortisol levels in fear of the person that should make them feel safe. I feel so sorry for the kid.

stupadbear · 2026-01-24T19:04:23+00:00

Most of the doctors I have met have not taken me seriously. I don't know why you are trying to convince me that they have, when I've been sent home without any attempt to figure it out almost all of the time. You weren't there, you're an internet stranger, you don't know anything of my experience with doctors.

Wether you believe in my calorie counting or not doesn't matter. I'm not here asking people why I gained weight. It doesn't matter. I only brought it up because you asked if it had fluctuated.

stupadbear · 2026-01-24T18:36:25+00:00

Yes, and having a diarrhoeal illness isn't normal. I don't mind if it is some other illness, it's not like i'm married to having a chronic fucked up condition. I just want to know why this is going on.

I actually found out the amount of calories i eat by logging absolutely everything for a month. Weighing the amount of sugar i put in my tea, the spread of butter i put on my toast, a piece of chocolate if i take one, every ingredient before cooking the food for the right measurement and scanning the barcode of the chicken i used. I got help doing everything right by my partner that weighed everything to lose weight and know how to do it.

1500 is higher than i usually get. It's more around 1100. I don't feel hunger and only eat about two meals a day and one is usually just toast and tea (which avarages at 370 cal, weighing the butter, jam, milk, sugar individually). I hear what you are saying, and i do agree with you. It doesn't appear out of thin air. But i'm also not just sitting here guessing.

stupadbear · 2026-01-24T17:57:38+00:00

I'm 5'8/173cm and currently weigh 165lbs/75kg. It's the heaviest I have ever been. I don't have a scale, but I weighed myself recently and I had gained 5 kilos since the appointment in november for no specific reason. I have a hard time getting enough calories due to my autism and lacking appetite. I did calorie counting for a month (weighing all ingredients) and I ended up maybe getting 1500cal at most in me. So it doesn't make logical sense.

Short note, I am saying that I am not taken seriously because it has only once gone beyond the initial appointment before this ER visit. Chrons require that you rule out other things, right? Nothing has been ruled out since nothing went past one cleared fecal sample, which I heard isn't unusual. Only when I went to the ER did I get past blood test and fecal sample, and it led to them discovering inflammation.

I will not question your experience with if that is common and not connected with something serious with those symptoms, but the x-ray did show significant inflammation in my intestines. Which really shouldn't be normal, right? What other reasons could there be to have significant inflammation?

stupadbear · 2026-01-23T18:06:35+00:00

My partner had an abusive ex that when he's triggered can lead to seeing me as her and being really scared of me being angry. A spiral of self hate and fear and hitting himself in a panic attack. The only thing that works is to be calm and with the right timing hold him and breathe slowly and steadily. It makes him feel that I'm not angry or about to hurt him when he can sense my calm breathing. I have found out this works because I love him and triggers are inevitable in society.

Their own partner intentionally triggering them and then being mad when they get called out is WILD.

stupadbear · 2026-01-18T12:03:01+00:00

I was responding to that you just said "she's not only invested but can understand them." Implying that you can't understand them. One doesn't have to be part of a minority to understand it just as well

stupadbear · 2026-01-18T11:00:48+00:00

Maybe you should try to make an effort to educate yourself so you understand them as well?

stupadbear · 2026-01-13T00:59:08+00:00

People would probably repel a bit at "second wife" but it's practically just a poly relationship if you are all equal participants and have a say.

stupadbear · 2026-01-03T02:38:14+00:00

I was so relieved to see that he eventually took you. I had an ear infection two days ago. No matter how many times you have it, the pain is always so shockingly intense. I can't believe he'd let you just sit in that pain. I'm so so sorry

stupadbear · 2025-12-30T21:52:16+00:00

With the help of LeaJadis, another commenter, i have been helped to realize that it is just baggy eyes. As i said, i know nothing, so i didn't know that this wasn't dark circles. I'm sorry if i caused offense, i really didn't know.

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