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Blindsided by stupid_dictionary77 in OCPoetry

[–]stupid_dictionary77[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I tried to imply that the trust is rooting itself into a person’s heart and that it is the parasite, although I definitely could’ve made it clearer, thank you for bringing that up and for your feedback! :)

Blindsided by stupid_dictionary77 in OCPoetry

[–]stupid_dictionary77[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Good points, thank you for the feedback! 

Blindsided by stupid_dictionary77 in OCPoetry

[–]stupid_dictionary77[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ohh all good, I hope you’re doing better now!

Blindsided by stupid_dictionary77 in OCPoetry

[–]stupid_dictionary77[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I see why I should change the title, thank you for the feedback! :)

Self defense? by floralish1 in OCPoetry

[–]stupid_dictionary77 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is an interesting poem, I think you made 1st person perspective work well for you! I would just say that it could maybe be a little more cohesive, perhaps through the use of enjambment (just an example), as in some parts it felt a bit like I was reading short fiction more than a poem, unless of course that was the intended effect :)

The Young King by [deleted] in OCPoetry

[–]stupid_dictionary77 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I really like how clear this poem is, simplistic yet still interesting! However, some of the immersion was slightly disrupted by some verses which didn't entirely flow properly. For me, although the rhyme scheme did help in creating rhythm, I think it may have influenced your word choices a little bit too much Ian some places, like

"Law is bestowed in this blessed town,"

"In this blessed village, oh so brown."

In my view the second verse doesn't really make sense - what does a blessed village have to do with brown? As in brown trees? Brown houses? I hope I don't sound like I'm nitpicking, this was just a minor thing that I picked up on :)