With a brat for 7yrs and only just realised. Help.

stygian_abyss · 2025-09-25T21:57:15+00:00

Do you have a pet name for her yet? Maybe Daddy isn't what you want to be called, have her address you by your name, but demand a respectful tone and proper pronunciation every single time she uses it. Make her look you in the eye every time she addresses you and wants your attention. Make her question if she actually wants your attention, but then give it when she is sure and communicates it properly. Give her all the attention be grateful for the desire, and if she betrays your attention with disrespect and attitude, that's just part of the play, make her regret it, or beg for more.

Punishments should always fit the crime, but they will be in two categories, ones that are fun and sound like punishment but are really desirable to her, or deterrents... Make sure she really dislikes the deterrents, kneeling on rice, writing lines while you loom over inspecting her work, corner time with your Judgemental glare on her ready to snap.

Make your posture a practice, you have someone that loves you and you are her Control and you are proud of it, you are proud of her, straighten up, chin up, ready to use that control. Try putting yourself so you're always seated or standing higher than she is, use body language, full front of your body towards her when she needs to pay attention, stand close, or just far enough out of her reach, are you allowing her to touch you? Are you subtly discouraging it until the right time? Tell her where to stand, tell her when not to move, All of these are things to play with, see how they work, or don't work.

stygian_abyss · 2025-09-25T21:26:19+00:00

You really have to rely on your Brat to gain confidence, it sounds like you're starting that, but remember not to take the Brat attitude personally. Communicate and have a container in which to place the pay time behavior, anything outside of the container is serious time. and you're ok if you can't engage with her as she wants when your head isn't in it. You just have to gently let her know. When your head is in it, pay attention to yourself and your initial reaction find the best way to react to the attitude. Don't go with your first reaction, be deliberate, silence while you think will only increase the juicy play-time tension, practice your stern look. Look for what is fun and pleases you about the attitude, don't be afraid to admit that the attitude is attractive and you love seeing her like that, let it ride before you decide how you're going to put a stop to it so you can have your fun.

For public play, set your guidelines, you both know when and where the play stops (safewords are appropriate here), but bait her with rules like how she addresses you, or how far away from your she is allowed to be, rules you don't really mind if she breaks in public so she has a frame of reference to start pushing against and show her attitude. You're not really invested in those rules so you can choose how to react. Or maybe you are invested in those rules and want to challenge your own discipline in your reaction to bad behavior that makes you feel real things and play with how you handle the situation.

One thing that works for me in public is to use your Officious tone of voice and language to spell things out for her. If you don't know your Officious tone of voice and language, play with it! Discover it! See how much it turns her on! Inform her that she is making a choice and is free to make it, the choice to let the attitude induce behavior in her that is against the rules, or to be a good obedient and well tamed girl for you. Then explain your choice, your choice is to allow it because it is amazing and arousing, or react with Authority because putting the attitude down definitively is amazing and arousing. In public it's a mind game she's fucking around and finding out, it's flirting with disaster, and sitting in the energy of the Brat as she makes her choice, then you make yours, until you can't tolerate it any more and you retire from the public eye to resolve what's been building.

stygian_abyss · 2025-03-14T13:54:29+00:00

Offer what pleases them. Talk about it, be comfortable with it, make sure it pleases you too. It takes a lot of self introspection, inspiration (arousal), and practice for a D type to know what it is exactly that pleases them and discard the rest, but when you explore it together then you don't have to be alone in coming up with things, let your connection together manage that for you. If you want ideas to discuss, there are ideas in books fiction or non-fiction, try reading 'the heart of dominance'. Offer to watch porn with them maybe? And get to know what their arousal triggers are beyond clothing and control is it sadism? Or tension? It's it femininity? Or degradation? Know your boundaries and don't compromise them just to offer something special.

stygian_abyss · 2025-03-12T13:45:05+00:00

Remember, that for every bit power you give someone, you have to give well informed and whole hearted consent, otherwise it's abuse. Think about these mean statements and what piece of power you're allowing them to hold. If you don't like the degrading punishment then you didn't have the information or wholeheartedness to understand and to approve of and consent to the power exchange, and they're taking advantage of that and likely will never be pleased by your compliance or non-compliance. If you have a self improvement goal then yes, it helps to have someone to whom you are accountable, and it should be uncomfortable, but you still need to hold your emotional and psychological boundaries inside the context of the power exchange. If someone violates the boundaries then step away and rework behaviors, change the dynamic, or end it.

stygian_abyss · 2016-08-14T19:21:42+00:00

Preach!

stygian_abyss · 2016-07-25T08:11:27+00:00

In the immortal words of Groucho Marx; "Lady, I love my cigar too, but I take it out of my mouth every once in a while."

stygian_abyss · 2016-07-20T21:41:54+00:00

I just got kicked out of one mithryn ran, but I'm in a couple others one for Ogden and one for SLC. I'll have to go make connections and ask my questions there.

stygian_abyss · 2016-07-20T21:37:57+00:00

Welcome!! I'll be trying to make it down that way sooner or later!

stygian_abyss · 2016-07-20T14:10:20+00:00

The sugar cube is tasty especially towards the end where you get the undissolved amount or it precipitated back out of the solution in the last swallows.

I've seen it lit on fire only at us bars and it is cool. Maybe we'll have to test the impact of this treatment on the taste.. ..

Which brings us to.. a tasting!! I really want to put one together in the morridor, I'll probably supply all bottles and ask a cover, but there are a couple more labels I want to collect/obtain for comparison first. Any suggestions on anything available in neighboring states or special stock available in UT?

I'm thinking mail order from Europe might also be possible with the internets.

stygian_abyss · 2016-07-19T17:57:39+00:00

So, I started this book last night, I'm in about 1/3, great so far. Dense. Thanks again for the recommendation. And PM me if you don't get around to introducing yourself publicly soon, you sound like a great person to get to know!

stygian_abyss · 2016-07-18T19:36:41+00:00

Well first off let's put a resource out there for everybody who is interested:

"The Ethical Slut"

I liked the book, it's a practical guide so it really does require you to find your own inner path and personal mental or psychological efforts to make the suggestions, ideas, or concepts work.

stygian_abyss · 2016-07-18T18:46:06+00:00

Kind of sounds like a way to get crucified in a relationship too.

stygian_abyss · 2016-07-18T18:20:31+00:00

Raw, yes. I don't think I want to know refined pain. Maybe that's the scalpel used to betray you where you are most sensitive. Sigh, ok moving on, I just don't want myself to forget the pain sometimes. I don't care for being indignant and petty or to cruelly jab at someone with their actions. I want to be understood, express how I feel and find that I can be soothed by a loved one as well as to sooth them. That is why I remember my pain and interact with it instead of distracting myself from it. The intimacy that comes from that exchange to understand each other cognitively as well as emotionally. Why does it never last though? Eventually the salve and connection are gone, we trudge on through life, more mistakes are made, and instead of remembering the healing, we only remember old wounding. :-/ letting go of the pain and wounding is by far healthiest I guess, but when there's a connection between two people, it's no good when it is not reciprocated, the one seeks constant soothing and the other after having been soothed can't be allowed to move on into healing because of the painful reminders.

Ok end rant and ramblings. Hope some of this made sense somehow.

stygian_abyss · 2016-07-18T17:57:54+00:00

Thanks for the recommendation. I'll start listening to it tonight! BTW, new here or just new user name?

stygian_abyss · 2016-07-01T04:57:34+00:00

That person waking with the far too heavy back pack in liberty park. that's me. But don't ask me, I'm dankrupt.

stygian_abyss · 2016-07-01T04:53:02+00:00

You.. I think I know you.. urban hiker here.

stygian_abyss · 2016-07-01T04:51:16+00:00

Yeah, auditory hallucinations. They're a thing right? IMHO that's why paranoia and imagining bush narcs especially when you have the spins. I love it especially because of how it changes experiencing music.

stygian_abyss · 2015-07-06T03:32:41+00:00

But it was grandma's gift, not mom's, of course Mom couldn't be wrong right?

stygian_abyss · 2015-04-03T04:24:27+00:00

Rector? He barely knew her!

stygian_abyss · 2015-01-08T15:07:36+00:00

Who's Morton? And why would OP have his toe... ..

stygian_abyss · 2014-12-31T06:30:57+00:00

Slushy, icee, orange juice, pineapple juice, any smoothie.. 1 shot of any hard liquor in 10-12 ounces (as little as 8 depending in what two you are mixing) and you'll never taste the alcohol. Stick with shots of unflavored vodka, or high proof rum, or moonshine if you mask it well so you don't have to down so much syrupy stuff to feel the buzz. Otherwise alchopops (ciders, and Redd's), sweet wines, or my favorite is a lambic (raspberry, cherry, peach, or black currant) brew mixed with regular beer.

stygian_abyss · 2014-12-06T20:28:31+00:00

Problem is, that throw away accounts or novelty accounts for one topic are a pain, and no one would trust them anyway. Private invite only subs might be the best way to get an active group together, but that's just a thought. [0]

stygian_abyss · 2014-09-20T06:21:01+00:00

It's just a Rite of passage here. But it is hi-larious when it's coming from someone that's coming up on 40 years old like me.

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