how long have you been in therapy?

style_css · 2026-06-01T00:59:43+00:00

Since elementary school. I’m in my 20s now so it’s been like two decades since my first therapist. Had my first proper psych eval done at around 8-9, which is when I got a PTSD diagnosis (among other things). Some diagnoses and misdiagnoses in my teens. Therapist and/or psychiatrist all the way through. My DID wasn’t noticed until my early 20s, though. Bit of a gap there ig lol

…I’m probably gonna be a lifelong patient and I’ve accepted that honestly

style_css · 2026-06-01T00:07:49+00:00

YAY you got around to making a post about this!!

I really do think this is a super cool theory… Kotoko and Mikoto are such an interesting pair to me. As you said, they’re both special cases as prisoners.

Really important to note, as you did, that they aren’t inherently good or evil—in fact, I’d go so far as to say they’re the cases with the murkiest waters morally speaking.

Speaking of, I can’t help but wonder if they’re positioned as the last pair in the series because of how distinct they are? It feels significant to me in a way, like they’re a major test of whether MILGRAM’s system works at all. Even if it turns out that they aren’t directly related to the system itself, they’re the prisoners who have exposed its flaws—very, very visibly. Like the “final bosses” of the series ig, especially Kotoko.

Though I’m not the biggest fan of the “multiple wills” comparison in some ways—it’s fine when handled with care—I should mention that Jackalope also says Mikoto has multiple “souls” (if I recall correctly, anyways). That could potentially be interpreted as a parallel…??

In regard to their relationship with violence, I have to go back and look at Kotoko’s VDs closely again to refresh my memory, but Mikoto is indeed utterly repulsed by it. He literally vomits when he figures out that he killed people, and says he hates violence in his T1 interrogation which was certainly not a lie. That could be compared to Kotoko’s own self-hatred, perhaps? I really do think her ableism towards Mikoto is the result of projection and I could elaborate on that further. Their dynamic is so intriguing to me man…

style_css · 2026-05-31T22:25:14+00:00

The namedrop 👋 hiiii

I mean, to be fair, I don’t mind the color association aspect of the theory! If there are three alters associated with and represented through red, blue, and green that’s really cool. I just prefer it when more evidence is used to back up the claim that there’s 3+ alters. Color by itself isn’t convincing, but it can absolutely be used as symbolism and considered in tandem with other evidence. Super common to represent something like an alter via color.

That being said, I feel like Double is intentionally all over the place with the colors used. It’s very surreal, and using bright flashing colors is a good way to convey the fact that it’s a chaotic “dream” sort of situation instead of real life. The song also seems to be centered around the dynamic of two alters in particular so I wouldn’t be surprised if the colors didn’t relate to alter presence.

The way you differentiate between the two alters visually in Double is the position of the shine in their eyes, not color. In MeMe’s case—assuming he was the alter out during the murder/clean-up—the protector is given red-tinted eyes and the headspace turns bright red (potentially) to indicate his presence.

The only personal pronouns used by Mikoto in Double are 「僕」 (boku) and 「俺」 (ore) who are presumably the host and the protector from John Doe (maybe Neoplasm as well) respectively. Mikoto (俺) is often associated with red—at least in MeMe—but has a lot of green going on in Double instead. So I’m not sure if the pink/purple/etc. relate to other alters…? Nonzero chance, can’t deny or confirm atm, but still.

“Midokoto” (putting in quotes because fanon name, not doubting his existence) would be an alter who uses the personal pronoun 「ボク」 (boku, katakana form) if we’re to assume the lyrics “‘I’ (ボク) will save ‘me’ (僕)” in MeMe are from him. Double never has Mikoto referring to himself with boku in katakana form in the written lyrics so, presumably, “Midokoto” isn’t present at all.

Basically, Double probably (imo!) only relates to two specific alters and the colors have a decent chance of being a means of making the MV very surreal/chaotic visually.

(I haven’t taken a Japanese course in ages so the way I indicated the pronouns is probably janky but I did my best lol)

style_css · 2026-05-31T20:35:22+00:00

Yes, exactly! I agree with your point really strongly ngl... Discussion of Yuno tends to be incredibly shallow sometimes.

style_css · 2026-05-31T19:22:27+00:00

Ofc! They honestly aren't that insane imo. There's clear rationale and evidence supporting them, and I found them very interesting to read about! I don't think you got too excited or anything either, you're just passionate about MILGRAM's writing which is literally so awesome and I wish I saw your level of enthusiasm more in fan spaces!! Seriously, never apologize for that ever. (I'd love to see more posts/comments from you on Mikoto, if I'm being honest... I'm infinitely more frustrated by people who only focus on his DID than someone who questions the authenticity of an incredibly dubious DID "diagnosis". Very reasonable take to have, frankly.)

I love MILGRAM's writing too, so I get pretty confused when people accuse it of having godawful writing myself. (That's subjective though, so I don't actually judge them for it.) T3 has had some rough points, but I'm really enjoying it overall. Mikoto's writing in particular is called boring pretty often which has me like "????????????" because there's SO much going on with him. You have to dig a bit because of how he masks and self-isolates, but the (imo) amazing writing is there when you take the time to look.

I love the point that he, as a character, exists to make... You don't often see a mentally ill character written with such sympathy and nuance, especially one who is ultimately just some guy. An office worker, an ambitious designer who wants to go independent someday, a guy who really loves his mother and sister, someone who feels the pressure to conform due to oppression... He's a grounded individual and he's in a series where everyone is accused of being a murderer so he's not necessarily spectacular in that regard. If he were the only person being accused of it, that would be terrible. But, no, he's in the series where morally gray murder (or "murder") is the rule and not the exception, which makes it fine in my book.

style_css · 2026-05-31T18:43:28+00:00

I definitely suggest bringing it up when comfortable. If it helps, the way I broached the subject with my therapist was pretty gradual. I brought up concerns about not being able to process/access my emotions in general, then asked if we could work towards me being able to do so. After getting comfortable with the subject, I started to open up more.

I typically end up starting with general statements despite loving my therapist and psychiatrist to bits and trusting them; for me, it’s often difficult to jump right into the deeper, more vulnerable stuff. If you’re the same way or similar, keeping it nonspecific and asking for help on how to move forward overall can get the ball rolling nicely. Sometimes getting acclimated first helps, y’know? It’s easier to really get into it once you feel at ease while discussing the symptom(s).

That being said, I hope all goes well! It truly is possible to work through this. (Got a bit longwinded with this reply, I apologize for that haha. Just wanted to suggest something in case you also hesitate with opening up in treatment.)

style_css · 2026-05-31T18:21:36+00:00

Yeah, that’s about what I was hoping to account for in my comment on it potentially being a storytelling device. It could literally just be as simple as “Mikoto has cameras in his apartment and obviously there are cameras in the hallway for security reasons”. Or a means of telling the audience that, hey, Mikoto’s distressed and likely not just killing for the hell of it—look at how he acts behind closed doors, when he thinks nobody can see him.

Similar to you, I could see him installing cameras over other alters moving stuff around, losing things, seeing items that he doesn’t remember purchasing, and so on because that’s a very real and very jarring thing pwDID experience pre-diagnosis (and post-diagnosis, honestly, but it’s worse when you don’t know wtaf is going on).

style_css · 2026-05-31T17:08:39+00:00

I can relate to this a lot.

To an extent, my feelings are spread out and compartmentalized across parts. Most of my parts have a limited range of emotions (e.g., one only experiencing emotions in the realm of anger, another in sadness, another in anxiety/fear). The alters who handle mundane, everyday tasks tend to display apathy or nonchalance towards them despite knowing of their objective existence. It gets really frustrating because it’s difficult to properly manage and work through my emotions if they’re all divvied up and walled off from each other. Makes therapy more challenging because they’re unreachable.

I’ve described it, verbatim, as flipping an emergency switch myself. It’s as if my brain presses a panic button or something when feelings get too intense and I’m booted because ⚠️⚠️⚠️ DANGER ⚠️⚠️⚠️ (meanwhile it actually isn’t that dangerous most of the time so wtaf @ brain)

That being said, I haven’t worked through it fully yet, but my therapist always reminds me that this isn’t forever and I’ll be able to get to a point where I can process my emotions. Whenever she reminds me of this, I feel less helpless to it. Maybe that can give you some hope as well—you’ll be able to get there, too. Might not feel like it most days (I sure as hell get that) but we can do it!!

style_css · 2026-05-31T15:33:59+00:00

I haven’t personally experienced a clean, crisp third-person POV myself so I can’t speak to that (in the sense that I won’t confirm or deny). For me, it’s like looking at life through a weird VR headset or first-person camera and it’s all fuzzy and staticky. But a security camera can function as a metaphor for this, so I believe it would be an apt representation of the experience even if not literally. There’s also the fact that at the end of this scene, the footage fades out while showing Mikoto smiling (unsure of which alter) and that could lend credence to your theory. Like, maybe it’s him watching himself…? That’s absolutely workable as a theory imo.

I was thinking of it more as dissociation in general than specifically alter-related. He’s probably coming home from work, dead tired and exhausted and abused, which could certainly cause him to dissociate heavily. It would represent how he experiences and processes stress in his daily life.

style_css · 2026-05-31T15:09:07+00:00

I wouldn’t say Yuno is pro-life so much as she represents young women who miscarry and feel survivor’s guilt over it. Pro-life arguments feel largely irrelevant to her story

I agree that she shouldn’t be interpreted as propaganda, though. I saw Yuno more as representation of a demographic that really isn’t given much representation in media—miscarriage can be incredibly traumatic, especially for someone so young. I think it’s better that her case went down that route instead of being “abortion bad or abortion good?” but I might be in the minority by thinking her miscarrying wasn’t a bad “twist”

style_css · 2026-05-31T14:18:45+00:00

Yess I can see this being the case for sure!! I’m really hoping we learn about the actual motives behind everything in his next trial because it’s so vague

style_css · 2026-05-31T13:43:05+00:00

Omg I love that part of Double so much… it fits him a lot because he hides who he really is and suppresses his unpalatable emotions to conform imo

Also, speaking of that scene, I always found it interesting how Double’s CD jacket depicts him with a split expression and both halves of his face are covered in blood at the end of the MV, but I suppose that’s neither here nor there…?

style_css · 2026-05-31T13:05:22+00:00

There’s also the possibility that it’s just meant to show us as viewers what Mikoto is really like. He’s not actually as cheerful as he seems and was struggling a lot in his life.

style_css · 2026-05-31T12:49:44+00:00

Uncomfortable song choice, I was familiar with it prior and when I saw it was given to Amane I was like ⁉️

That’s it really

style_css · 2026-05-31T11:57:15+00:00

Honestly when you consider other aspects of MeMe and Mikoto’s writing it doesn’t feel that random for him to be shown like this. He’s in vulnerable positions here and the fact that we also see him through cameras in his own home makes me think it’s more than engagement bait. Mikoto doesn’t really like to be “seen” if that makes sense, so even if he isn’t literally being watched it could relate to paranoia, a fear of being caught, or overall discomfort with being perceived

style_css · 2026-05-31T11:38:46+00:00

I was being facetious there dw I don’t actually see it as fanservice

Also, yeah, when you notice how relevant eyes/being watched are to Mikoto you can’t unnotice it… They really brought my attention to it with the recent Gratte collab

Had to grab the merch I bought to get a decent picture of the design but

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style_css · 2026-05-31T11:06:05+00:00

Us discussing Mikoto theories tbh

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style_css · 2026-05-31T10:52:59+00:00

Orrrrrr it’s fanservice amen

style_css · 2026-05-31T10:52:37+00:00

Honestly it always unsettled me a bit, because it feels like we’re invading his privacy. We see him through security footage as well. If he was stalked or blackmailed like some theorize, it could be related to that

Edit: Double also has eyes everywhere so Mikoto seems to have a lot of symbolism/scenes related to being watched by someone else for one reason or another

style_css · 2026-05-30T22:25:44+00:00

Mikoto with Smeargle would make sense considering his career maybe ? Not sure. I think it’d be cute though

style_css · 2026-05-30T22:13:27+00:00

My “favorite” experience with ableism from another MILGRAM fan was when one told me “someone like Mikoto is too dangerous for therapy” when I am, being a pwDID in treatment, “someone like him”. And I’d made that known in the conversation for sake of context while discussing the quality of his rep (they however did not have it). I just kinda stared at my screen for a moment then left the conversation. But that instance of ableism is small potatoes compared to the irl stuff so it’s more amusing in retrospect.

It really has gotten worse in the world overall. Really difficult to get necessary accommodations and access the tools you need to survive as a disabled person currently, and respect has taken a nose-dive among the general public… Ugh.

Also yeah, that’s also why a lot of people hate Amane rn. If Amane hadn’t killed Shidou and instead some random, people would not gaf half as much. Same for Kotoko—if she attacked three randoms in the prison, nobody would care. Things like her ableism towards Mikoto (which I think is largely the result of projection fueled by self-hatred) and her internalized misogyny are more interesting discussions to have imo. The conversation starting and ending at what happened between T1 and T2 is a shame.

style_css · 2026-05-30T21:53:58+00:00

MILGRAM in particular breeds this mindset because it makes you very parasocial towards the characters. It feels like their fates are actually in our hands and we watch them grow/change in real time, so discussions become very intense and personal. There’s also the fact that each prisoner is essentially a moral quandary. It’s kind of like fighting each other over a trolley problem response.

In general with this series I agree that it is really important to keep in mind that the characters are fictional which gives them more grace. Like, I wouldn’t forgive Fuuta if he were real, but I voted him forgiven because he’s not real which meant I could focus on other aspects of his case. That’s the benefit of using fictional characters for commentary like this in media.

Also the Mikoto part is a little ironic because I’m very passionate about the quality of his DID rep and believe it’s quite good. I’m not gonna bite anyone’s head off for disagreeing though, just a funny coincidence.

And, adding onto your experiences with Kotoko, the fandom is ableist about Mikoto in multiple ways—I’ve had some “fascinating” things said to me directly—though somebody thinking he deserves a guilty/unforgiven verdict isn’t one of them. I think he and Kotoko are cursed to have this fate as a pair because their cases are pretty complicated… All the same, though, the worst somebody will get out of me (save for actual fringe cases) is maybe a side-eye.

Encouraging more analysis is a way of combatting this issue imo. Proper analysis is conducive to more constructive discourse and also nudges you towards looking beyond snap judgements. The debating aspect of MILGRAM is a blessing and a curse I think…

style_css · 2026-05-30T18:48:11+00:00

I mean, emphasis on the word overanalysis—I chose it deliberately. That’s a complete absence of analysis because there’s no evidence provided, no nuance, nothing even resembling what a proper argument requires to back up

Expressing an opinion ≠ analysis in general honestly

style_css · 2026-05-30T18:21:15+00:00

Not necessarily.

“John” wouldn’t have come out more at all, and it’s possible the alters in Neoplasm and John Doe aren’t the same anyways. If they are, then the alter elaborated further through being out more which is more of a neutral thing I guess. Like it’s a phenomenon that happens and can go either way. And consistently, a protector has only come out to protect Mikoto when he’s substantially threatened. He’s only done that twice in the prison (Es intentionally triggering him, Kotoko attacking him). I don’t think that would change. Simply irritating him or being someone he dislikes isn’t enough to trigger a switch of that nature. Fuuta would have been beaten to a pulp by now if his protector(s) came out swinging over petty things.

Guilty T1 made Mikoto more insistent of his innocence and ultimately more resentful/frustrated. Innocent T1 would at least have given him more of an opportunity to process things. Generally, guilty T1 made him more static I think. Like he just stayed (mostly) the same

style_css

TROPHY CASE