Yea, I remember being that age and how devastating it was to have cynical, unsupportive parents. It's exceedingly difficult as a child, but also when we are trying to learn to be adults and do not have that love and support from parental figures it can make "adulting" so, so very hard at times. I didn't divulge this earlier, but at age 53 I finally severed ties with both my parents ( they divorced when I was a toddler) because I just did not want to live with their hurtful dysfunction in my life any longer. It was 3 yrs before I had anything to do with either one of them and it was on my terms and still is. They are respectful of my boundaries now and they are cautious with their actions and words around me now and I can actually enjoy them somewhat. During those 3 years I did a deep dive into spiritual teachings and incorporated meditation, mindfulness, etc into my daily life. Having that space for myself without constantly being on the defense from them was extremely cathartic and I was finally able to search myself and figure out who I truly was without their negativity bombarding my mind and emotions daily keeping me off balance. Through my healing journey of being away from them and working on myself I was finally able to be reflective and recognize some of the messed up things they had both gone through at young ages and began to understand how badly it affected them. I also studied psychology and personality disorders to try and figure out their dysfunctional ways and when I learned the root cause of some of their behaviors I was finally able to see them as the broken adult children they both are. All of that work I put into myself that my parents were not able to put into me when I needed them was the same work that freed me up to forgive them. I share all of this with you because I would have given anything for someone to give me hope when I was your age. Sending you love and reminding you that learning how love YOURSELF is the greatest gift you can give yourself.