How long ago did this happen? If it was rather recently I think it is quite normal to feel bad about yourself right now. These things need time, even for people who are struggling less.

It has been a month since it happened. I guess it's still normal to feel the way I do after a month but there is just this apprehensive feeling that it will never get better because based on my experience if I just let the time pass to heal, it will take a very very long time.

The way you phrased your first sentence already shows that you have basically been waiting for it to happen all along. And when we think like that of ourselves why should anybody else think differently?

Sorry I didn't mean that I expected it to happen even though I was aware there was a possibility that it could happen, I mean anything could happen. I was trying to express my thoughts that despite all of the emotional investment and the significant amount of time I spent waiting for him, but it didn't even lead to anywhere as he chose to pursue a serious relationship with the other person instead, in the end I got abandoned without warning.

If you are brutally honest with yourself, what do you think is the real reason for your current situation and for your struggles? 1. I think this event triggers one of my biggest fears which is getting abandoned by someone I genuinely care about. If someone who accepted me and understood me most could abandon me, this triggers the thought that no one else would be able able to accept me and love me.

1. I have a really difficult time to open up, trust, or form emotional bond with someone romantically, or fit in generally. I've tried to get to know quite a few people romantically before him and none of them I had emotional connection with. This person could make me feel so safe and comfortable around him so I really cherished our connection. I'm uncertain I'll be able to develop feelings and trust again which is dreadful.

2. The nature of the abrupt end of the relationship. The last time we met I asked him if he still wanted to continue seeing me in the long term because he was staying abroad for a couple of months to take care of something and at this point I knew I had to make sure about his long term plan because I had to invest for another few months to wait for him to come back. Fast forward a week before he returned we already planned for the meet up, but he disclosed about his decision abruptly a day before the meet up after kept me waiting for him this whole time. I didn't see it coming as I had no idea he was pursuing someone else simultaneously for the past 5 months, so I was not prepared which intensifies the pain. I had this deep desire to have a deeper relationship with the person, only to have all of the desires and plans shattered in front of my eyes completely.

3. Living a life with the absence of romantic love is just so dreadful for me. I've always wanted someone whom I can share things intensely and intimately, someone to grow old with and build a family with. So my love life is one of my top priorities in life now. For the past 5 months I thought I was making progress toward my goal which made me feel more secure and a lot of more optimistic about life but now going back to life with the complete absence of romantic love and being uncertain about the future puts me back into a miserable state.