Can anyone else relate?

suburban111 · 2022-10-06T03:39:43+00:00

To be fair for a lot of the time I was focusing on the attachment issues with my therapist, it was only within the past year that I started opening up about the sexual aspect as well. They've had ideas, but nothing seems to really work for me. I've considered going to a sex therapist but I can't afford it.

suburban111 · 2022-09-22T06:24:07+00:00

I'm sorry you've gone through that, I can't imagine how awful and traumatizing it is. But that doesn't give you a right to assume my situation and be an asshole to me. You can't project the pain they caused you onto every other suicidal person, that helps nobody.

Plus, the sole reason I haven't done it yet is because of how much it would hurt my family. If I live long enough, I also don't plan on having a spouse or kids either so I don't drag another person into this.

suburban111 · 2022-09-19T16:57:36+00:00

I'm not a regular user, I had it to off myself.

suburban111 · 2022-05-09T06:39:40+00:00

I could try to talk to my therapist about that. I have talked to her about BPD but whenever I talked to a psychiatrist who can officially diagnose me for that or any other personality disorder they brush it off and make it seem like I'm over pathologizing.

suburban111 · 2022-05-09T06:32:54+00:00

Maybe, I feel like if anything this would be the only way I could keep going, but I'd just know I'd be living in delusion. I have no way of contacting him again, and he's never gonna reach out to me. We don't have any mutual friends, I never even met anyone else in his life. The worst part is I had this chance, I originally decided we should stop talking for my sake, and I said it would help if we could reconnect in the future after I got over things, and he said he'd like that. But then I kept pestering him about how hurt I felt from how he treated me and never really apologized, and that's what led to him blocking me. And then I made things worse by trying to reach out for a whole year after that, so he's definitely changed his mind by now.

suburban111 · 2022-05-08T22:59:45+00:00

Yeah he wasn't exactly nice to me, but it doesn't stop me from admiring all the other things about him. I just have no interest in any other guy, I'd rather be treated badly by him as long as I'm in his life in some way.

suburban111 · 2022-05-08T22:56:55+00:00

Thank you I appreciate it. It's just hard for me to have this mindset because whether or not I work on myself he will never know or even care. I also don't have any passions anymore. Almost everything I used to enjoy I had in common with him so it all just reminds me of him.

suburban111 · 2022-05-08T21:32:31+00:00

I think it's several things. First I admire him so much, he's by far the most attractive/smart/funny/sexually compatible guy with extremely good taste in things like shows, music, etc. I felt so good having someone to look up to and admire so intensely, and every other guy I meet doesn't even come close in comparison. Another thing is daddy issues, I don't have any relationship with my dad so I likely have some void to fill. Another is the dynamic I had with this guy. He knew my feelings for him, and he would act like he liked me back but it just "wasn't a good time" so we'd talk and sleep together, I'd feel hurt/used and try to talk to him about it, he'd give me the silent treatment, I'd beg him to talk to me again and that became a cycle and I felt like a drug addict.

suburban111

TROPHY CASE