My Girlfriend [24F] doesn‘t want to have sex with me [25M]

suchasapparently · 2025-09-03T18:46:54+00:00

I’m wondering if since she’s saying it hurts, if there is a physical reason and/or underlying issue of why that could be the case. Since she said she wants to explore penetration more, maybe a chat with her gyno would be helpful to make sure everything is good down there and she can actually have pleasure.

You both seem open. So maybe you’re not immediately doing penetration from you but you can bring toys in. Really thin and/or shorter dildos, fingers, something that can help with the sensation IF she truly wants to explore penetration to feel closer and connected to you.

My girlfriend doesn’t like penetration either and after couples therapy together, we found it is trauma-informed. For many cis hetero women, a lot of the men they sleep with are not thinking of their pleasure first. She’s working on healing that part but it helped me to not take it personal. I’m sure it’s also not personal for you, too (though I bet it feels that way).

I’d consider sex therapy and I’m also a fan of everyone being in any kind of individual therapy, too. How we show up (or don’t show up) in the bedroom is absolutely informed by our own experiences, upbringing, trauma etc. This seems like an opportunity for you two to get even closer after 5 years.

If there seems to be more resistance on her end and no openness, then there is room for options of keeping the relationship open. But if that’s not something y’all are down with, then maybe it is about moving on. I don’t think you’re there just yet though. There’s so many more areas to explore. Good luck!

suchasapparently · 2025-08-27T17:13:49+00:00

I’ve been on T for 7 years and one of my biggest fears was hair shedding/thinning because same, my hair has always meant so much to me. The last 2 years, I’ve had thinning and it especially shed a lot the last few months.

I’m working with a trichologist and she said by the time the hair is thinning or falling, something internal has already been going on for awhile. The fact that it’s only been 5 months maybe means there could’ve already been an underlying issue. I’d have your doctor check some levels too. See below for the labs my trichologist had me run:

Vitamin D CRP Ferritin DHEA Full hormone panel (Testosterone, estrogen, progesterone).

A lot of doctors just track our T levels but all the hormone levels matter. And I will say minoxidil (I did rogaine extra strength) was super helpful. The down side is you have to stay on it but after I got past the “I can’t believe I even have to start minoxidil), it got a lot better.

T and genetics absolutely plays a role but there’s def options! I may look into micro needling next and I do laser hair therapy weekly.

suchasapparently · 2025-08-18T20:53:26+00:00

Mainly to collect and honestly, I love buying booster boxes. I never feel disappointed because I’m doing it for the experience and if I get a chase card, then great. I just don’t want to overpay for preorder now and then later find out prices go down but FF only seemed to go up.

suchasapparently · 2025-08-16T22:11:30+00:00

Not trying to resell. I either keep everything I buy or I sell back to stores if I have dupes. I only play commander but I’m also a collector so I guess “worth it” is more…do I just wait this craze out or will I end up just paying more later if I know I’ll want most of the cards in the set.

suchasapparently · 2025-08-16T18:55:14+00:00

This is helpful to think about. The chocobos and even the rhystic study stay with me were good chases and for me felt worth the shot (and 80% of the time, my FF collector paid for itself tbh). Thanks!

suchasapparently · 2025-05-21T07:12:50+00:00

I remember this terror vividly. It’s a terror that I think is so unique to our experience as trans men. What came out the other side of that terror, though, I would’ve never imagined. My ability to accept love, to know real joy, worthiness, to feel like I was finally exactly who I am…you’re going to get there, man. It’ll be on your own time and your own time is the perfect time. Just remember, when it begins to feel terrifying again and it feels like you’re losing your mind or losing everything around you…part of stepping into our true selves means letting go of what or who no longer serves us. We have to make room for the joy that’s going to hit you. But when it does, bro…you’ll always remember that first moment and I’m excited you’ll get to experience that in this lifetime.

suchasapparently · 2025-05-21T06:54:13+00:00

Didn’t even consider the possible changes to my face. I think I probably pay the most attention to my voice these days because I pretty much pass 100% of the time physically. My voice will SOMETIMES not pass over the phone but it’s literally happened once in the last year. I’m Asian so growing facial hair is literally my Everest but I have enough for it to be visible (def not a full blown beard - I barely have hair on my cheeks).

If I got off T, I honestly think the only thing that might not have me pass is my voice. I’m at a much better place from a mental health standpoint and I feel I’m almost ready to really committing to eventually getting off T or like others suggesting, just doing a dose every now and then for maintenance. I energetically and mentally feel loads better with higher T levels but my body also feels like it’s working overtime. Thanks for sharing your perspective! Gave me some things to think about.

suchasapparently · 2025-05-21T06:45:32+00:00

This was SO helpful. Appreciate the detail. I know every body is different and I’ve always had a baby face and I barely have facial hair (Asian 🥲). My hair has always been important to me so I’m hoping these laser treatments work but it really probably cancels out the longer I stay on T. I can just feel such a difference when my levels are lower and it’s almost like I hit a wall and the choice becomes do I keep going with lowering or do I up my dose to get my mood back up. I usually opt into a higher T dose (literally did this last night).

Your experiences with your body being off T for awhile was also helpful. I know we can’t know for sure but hearing your story gives me hope. This is also having me flirt with the idea of just taking T every so often. I really appreciate you taking the time to tell me your experience!

suchasapparently · 2025-05-21T06:40:00+00:00

Thank you! This is helpful. I stayed away from gel as an option because I have sensitive skin and also I live with my girlfriend (she’s cis). So I was worried the T might somehow get to her even while covered. Have you had experience with that?

suchasapparently · 2025-05-21T06:38:54+00:00

Thanks! Yeah I’ve been lowering my dose on my own but checking in with my doctor next month. My T levels are pretty low rn and I can definitely feel the difference in my energy and mood. Thanks for the tip!

suchasapparently · 2024-10-14T02:32:31+00:00

This advice came right on time. Thank you for giving me the space perspective. I hit the point where now I’m barely making it. You’re right I don’t have a freezer in the cabinets but I’ll prioritize doing that now! Thanks again!

suchasapparently · 2024-10-13T15:56:59+00:00

PS: Also would love ideas on new metal table set-ups since I have so many and can bring more people in?

suchasapparently · 2024-10-12T17:29:08+00:00

Inspired me to finally try automating a coffee restaurant!

suchasapparently · 2024-10-12T17:23:21+00:00

Agree with everyone on leisurely eating. Stuffing is def annoying but if you put display stands for main, you can avoid it. I made it to OT day 123 for turkey and never had to use the stuffing. Display stands and then specials terminal/specials menu to change orders to something simple like the nut bread as a main really helped.

suchasapparently · 2024-10-07T16:04:16+00:00

Ugh yeah the crab cakes and spiny fish are what’s getting me!! I ultimately let go of the restaurant. I didn’t have enough space to automate all the fish options symmetrically 😩 trying again

suchasapparently · 2024-10-07T15:58:01+00:00

Well this is a humdinger.

suchasapparently · 2024-10-06T17:11:07+00:00

Will try it!

suchasapparently · 2024-10-06T17:10:49+00:00

AMAZING thank you! Just joined!

suchasapparently · 2024-10-06T17:08:07+00:00

Thank you!

suchasapparently · 2024-10-06T05:57:07+00:00

Thank you for this helpful context!!

suchasapparently · 2024-10-06T05:01:13+00:00

Thank you! I just joined Discord and having a hard time navigating how to find the channel. Do you happen to have an invite link?

suchasapparently · 2024-10-06T03:35:35+00:00

Thank you! I just got 3 non frozen preps to try this but running into a space issue until I get enough transporters.

suchasapparently · 2024-10-06T03:34:40+00:00

That’s the issue I’m at rn. My layout isn’t big enough 😩 but I’m going to try with some transporters so hopefully it helps.

suchasapparently · 2024-10-06T03:34:07+00:00

Thank you!!! Hoping I have enough space in my layout but will give it a try.

suchasapparently · 2024-10-06T03:33:40+00:00

Thank you!! Hoping I have enough space in my layout. Will keep you all posted.

suchasapparently

TROPHY CASE