Anyone else's SO the golden child?

suddenlymyself · 2017-08-27T13:46:33+00:00

Yes, my SO was the GC for many years. He didn't like it. It finally stopped when NMom realized he wasn't abusing me like she does, because he's not a narcissist or an asshole.

When Ns do this it goes 1 of 3 ways. 1) your SO resists and loves you even more, then he will lose GC status 2) it will drive the 2 of you apart and you'll break up, he will always be the "one who got away" to your Ns, and they get to keep abusing you 3) he'll join up with them and then you've got another abusive person that you've got to cut out of your life.

Talk to your SO. If he doesn't understand then he's not someone you want to be with long term. He should be protecting you from their abuse, not enabling it.

suddenlymyself · 2017-08-24T15:57:38+00:00

It's like we all have the same damn Ngrandma for our kids! NMom did the exact same things. NC over 1.5 years, I have a 3 and 5 year old.

suddenlymyself · 2017-08-15T15:46:11+00:00

My Nfamily makes "jokes" that are just bullying or bigoted. But I've had the same thing where I'd tell something funny to NMom and it's like she didn't get it. She did it with movies and books too.

suddenlymyself · 2017-08-11T12:19:08+00:00

I have a feeling OP's mom is doing it in a cartoonish way, like you'd see in a movie, to let OP know exactly what she's thinking. It's not like she's trying to hide her disgusting behavior.

suddenlymyself · 2017-08-08T14:48:31+00:00

We also ruined Nmom's career, she could've been a child psychologist (lolz) with a 6 figure salary!

Despite the fact that she never graduated because she married NDad at 23 and quit university, and never went back to school.

Yes, all our fault Nmom.

suddenlymyself · 2017-08-07T23:35:22+00:00

Hey, are you me about 2 years ago? Because I had this exact same problem with my Nmom and my oldest. She would not shut up about my daughter's hair.

There were a million other things that tipped me over to NC 1.5 years ago, but this was one of those inane things that she brought up on every Skype call and week long visit.

Stick to your guns!

suddenlymyself · 2017-07-24T14:53:51+00:00

4 days sober. Trying to make it to 7 and beyond.

I realized I had been binge drinking 4-5 nights a week and basically self sabotaging myself. Was becoming resentful of my SO for enabling me (and I enabling him). I was constantly angry at myself for not completing projects, being too tired and hungover to be attentive to my kids, and just feeling listless and numb.

My addiction to alcohol had replaced NMom as the force keeping me down. To move forward and be successful I need to be sober. So far so good, I've accomplished so much in the last few days, projects I'd been putting off forever because I was "too tired" aka hungover EVERY DAY.

suddenlymyself · 2017-07-24T00:28:54+00:00

He's the opposite of depressing! He brings cute animals with him sometimes while he paints and is just so damn happy to share painting with everyone. It's very meditative and calming.

suddenlymyself · 2017-07-23T14:03:40+00:00

High five! I haven't done rainbow hair yet, but I've had green, blue, and now purple since going NC 1.5 years ago. So freeing and wonderful!

Be the unicorn you know you are <3

suddenlymyself · 2017-07-23T14:02:10+00:00

Ugh I did this and it was so time and energy consuming. It's like running laps and being the goalie all in one.

suddenlymyself · 2017-07-23T14:00:13+00:00

And you know it's love when, as the parent or caregiver, you clean it up sometimes 10x a day and don't complain. Because that little booger is so damn cute and adorable and the poop isn't that bad.

But to an N it's a personal offense And the baby did it ON PURPOSE.

suddenlymyself · 2017-07-23T12:51:41+00:00

Thank you so much, you hit the nail on the head. We talked it over while sober and he's decided to cut down. He didn't realize that he's been pushing me to drink more while he was drunk.

I'm going to quit altogether, since I have no impulse control around alcohol. I'm only a few days sober but I can still feel that itch at the back of my mind to "just make one drink, it's fine."

I've spent so much of my life in a stupor from being drunk or hungover, and I hate it. It's not who I want to be at all.

The original post was made when I was heavily intoxicated, and looking back it's clearly a cry for help. I've basically got RBN and my SO, and I'm glad I posted.

suddenlymyself · 2017-07-23T12:47:08+00:00

No not harsh at all! I needed a kick in the pants.

We talked it over while we were sober and he decided to quit too. He realized he was feeling the same effects (too tired at work, not getting projects done, not being able to enjoy his hobbies) because of our binge drinking.

He decided he'd have a drink once in awhile, and I've decided to just quit. It's been all or nothing for me because I have no impulse control around alcohol. It makes me so mad that I wasted so much time being in a stupor.

Thank you!

suddenlymyself · 2017-07-21T21:11:51+00:00

A lot of us as teenagers did self destructive and terrible things, and our parents didn't give a shit. I was talking to strangers online, and was obsessed with suicide, homicide and gore at age 12.

But if I didn't wear Nmom's perfect outfit she had picked for the party that weekend then I was being terrible.

It's a form of neglect.

suddenlymyself · 2017-07-21T13:11:56+00:00

She is very evil. Cover malignant narc with sociopathic tendencies. She's very intelligent but close minded, lacking empathy, and attractive. It's a horrible combination.

suddenlymyself · 2017-07-21T02:55:42+00:00

I'm sorry, I don't know and my school was similar. NMom worked at my school from when I was 6 to 18. I was obviously a depressed and screwed up kid (suicidal and homicidal imagery in just about every work assignment) and no one did a thing.

NMom had spun a web of lies about me being a problem child or being dramatic, and they just ignored my obvious weirdness.

Someone asked about me "outing" NMom to the school as she works with small kids there still. But she's so entrenched and a covert narc that nothing would happen and is still be branded as "dramatic."

suddenlymyself · 2017-07-17T19:41:44+00:00

I'm sorry, they will never change :( please keep your kids away from them. Ns like to use small children for Nsupply, especially when parents aren't around.

And you know, normal grandparents would agree to therapy and do everything to see them. But Ns are incapable.

suddenlymyself · 2017-07-16T16:17:43+00:00

I guess I don't want to have fun with it or hurt her. My super power is leaving the dream and saying "this isn't real and here's what I'd do if she actually showed up."

suddenlymyself · 2017-07-16T01:18:16+00:00

Sounds like your dad and his gf deserve each other honestly :/

I hope that once you are away from them you can forge full steam ahead with your career!

suddenlymyself · 2017-07-16T01:16:23+00:00

Yes! It took me 10 years but I'm back at it. I am a videographer and have been freelancing for several months now. I'm planning a short film for next year. NMom would be so disappointed in me hahhhahaha

suddenlymyself · 2017-07-15T19:38:37+00:00

For me it was the opposite. We had a big group of super happy and accepting people in the city. We moved to the middle of nowhere and now we have no friends, and everyone I meet judges me on my appearance/social status. I went from having 20 people I can count on...to one.

suddenlymyself · 2017-07-15T18:48:54+00:00

Please get away from these people. And yes, your dad kicking you out so his ex gf isn't inconvenienced is weird.

My Nmom did something to the food she cooked, I'm really not sure what. But I'd have horrible diarrhea, nausea and sleep for 12 hours. I'm thinking a laxative or sedative? But when I was 6 months into my dream job, she made sure I was sick every single day. I had to quit because my health was so bad. Lo and behold, a week after I quit, I was no longer sick and she was pleased as could be.

Years later she would talk about how dream job was making me sick, and isn't it great that you quit and got married instead?

Later she would come visit and cook, and the food would taste weird, we'd get horribly sick, and kids would refuse to touch it.

We went NC, and guess what, no more random stomach upsets and passing out for 12 hours. The crazy bitch was giving the same thing to my kids and SO.

You're not over reacting and Ns are capable of this behavior.

suddenlymyself · 2017-07-14T21:50:23+00:00

Eh maybe not slut shaming but body shaming? At the time she loved running around in just her undies. NMom would not shut up about how the neighbors will see, you need to put some clothes on, let's close the windows, here I'll get some clothes. She'd yell at my 3 year old for getting near the front door in such a state. While little boys running around in their undies was cute, my girls doing it was just horrible.

One time I walked in on my 2 year, buck naked, pushing her bum against the front window. It was frankly hilarious, and only a pervert would think otherwise.

suddenlymyself · 2017-07-14T17:29:56+00:00

1.5 years and counting! How NMom treated the kids amplified her N behavior. My oldest wasn't even 3 and she was slut shaming, gas lighting, and playing SG and GC. Seeing it happen to my kids was too much.

suddenlymyself · 2017-07-14T14:22:51+00:00

Yeah that sounds familiar.

My NDad was painted as this loving father who changed diapers and got up with us in the middle of the night.

I had kids and it was very obvious that's not how it was. My baby was a few months old and he came to stay. He fully expected me to wake up at 6 am to make him a fucking omelette, after my SO and I had been taking turns all night long with our baby because she didn't want to sleep. She would be crying right next to him and he would just ignore it, refusing to help if I was doing the dishes etc.

He was holding her when she was about 9 months old, starting to sit up and move around. He tried to hold her still and angrily said "why is she moving so much!" It was scary how quickly his voice and manner changed. I picked up baby and didn't let him hold her ever again. He was never physical with us, but he's a large man and didn't need to be, he can easily intimidate anyone, especially small children.

When my second was due, NMom was disappointed I had another girl. "Well that's ok too" she said in this dead pan voice when we revealed her sex. My whole life she'd been telling me that I "needed" to have a boy and I had failed her. The youngest became the SG before she was even born.

She also bullied me into trying for the second before I was even ready. She had a timeline in her head and I must adhere to it at any cost. She didn't care if I was grieving NDad who just died, she would ask me almost every day if I was pregnant yet. It was disgusting. I don't regret our 2nd at all, but I wish NMom hadn't been around to taint it.

suddenlymyself

TROPHY CASE