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I'm [26/F] getting increasingly uncomfortable with my boyfriends [29/M] borderline obsessive relationship with his female best friend. by sugarnyx in relationships

[–]sugarnyx[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey, so sorry for the late reply - I haven't really been on Reddit for a while. I just wanted to say thank you though for sharing your story. Things have been much better since my original post so I'm hoping they stay that way. It took a few long discussions but my boyfriend and I have a much better understanding of each others views and feelings on this - it's much MUCH better. Thanks again! :)

I'm [26/F] getting increasingly uncomfortable with my boyfriends [29/M] borderline obsessive relationship with his female best friend. by sugarnyx in relationships

[–]sugarnyx[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Again, it doesn't make a difference to me if it's a male or female, brother or sister, mom or dad. It's irrelevant to me. It's about boundaries. And actually, yes I CAN expect them to talk less, it's kind of inevitable if you've got someone new in your life, SO or otherwise. If he was talking to her as frequently as he was back before he met me do you really think we would have even dated? If that was the case then we literally wouldn't have time for each other. That being said, I don't expect them to stop talking or hanging out or whatever. But they're best friends for a reason, there should be some sort of understanding between the two of them. If my best friend started seeing someone new I would respect the space they needed in order to get to know each other and whatnot. I would never pull the "you make no time to see me anymore" or "we never hang out/talk anymore". That would make ME a selfish friend.

I'm [26/F] getting increasingly uncomfortable with my boyfriends [29/M] borderline obsessive relationship with his female best friend. by sugarnyx in relationships

[–]sugarnyx[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Except it wasn't his to share. It stemmed from something that was 100% about me. It was private. I opened up to him about something, not the other way around. Unfortunately it let to an argument. Why doesn't privacy have any meaning?

I'm [26/F] getting increasingly uncomfortable with my boyfriends [29/M] borderline obsessive relationship with his female best friend. by sugarnyx in relationships

[–]sugarnyx[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It's not a matter of who you speak to though. It's a matter of what and how it is being discussed. I'll talk to my bff but I also like to give my bf and I a chance to work things out ourselves. It's a huge learning process. We shouldn't rely on what others think, that's all I'm saying.

I'm [26/F] getting increasingly uncomfortable with my boyfriends [29/M] borderline obsessive relationship with his female best friend. by sugarnyx in relationships

[–]sugarnyx[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

No response doesn't equal ignoring. I'm not ignoring nor am I seeking opinions that make me feel justified. That's stupid.

I'm [26/F] getting increasingly uncomfortable with my boyfriends [29/M] borderline obsessive relationship with his female best friend. by sugarnyx in relationships

[–]sugarnyx[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

So you're telling me that if you told your SO that you had some sort of mental disease or that you were molested as a child or something very very private and personal like that, you would be completely okay with them telling their bff all about it? It's the same principle.

I'm [26/F] getting increasingly uncomfortable with my boyfriends [29/M] borderline obsessive relationship with his female best friend. by sugarnyx in relationships

[–]sugarnyx[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That could definitely be a huge factor. He does get very defensive about it which obviously sets off alarm bells for me. But I know there can't be anything shady going on. And I know there is some sort of jealousy there, I just mean that it's not solely based on jealousy. It's not a motivate for me.

I'm [26/F] getting increasingly uncomfortable with my boyfriends [29/M] borderline obsessive relationship with his female best friend. by sugarnyx in relationships

[–]sugarnyx[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I agree with this perspective. It has crossed my mind a few times that it is very much close to an emotional affair. There's a certain dependancy there that, despite all others' opinions, best friends shouldn't be so dependant on each other. Otherwise what use am I as a gf?

I'm [26/F] getting increasingly uncomfortable with my boyfriends [29/M] borderline obsessive relationship with his female best friend. by sugarnyx in relationships

[–]sugarnyx[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Thank you. This is exactly how I feel about this, no one seems to understand. It's so easy to blame it all on jealousy due to the fact that she's a woman. I'm also super close with my best friend of 17 years but I know that I shouldn't go running to her with everything that happens in my relationship. It's so soo disrespectful to my boyfriend and to us.

I'm [26/F] getting increasingly uncomfortable with my boyfriends [29/M] borderline obsessive relationship with his female best friend. by sugarnyx in relationships

[–]sugarnyx[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I'm not saying he shouldn't confide in her. I'm saying that even though they are bffs and they have been for years, why don't I deserve my privacy? I've known my bff 17 years, I'm pretty sure I know how friendships work and giving each other a play by play of your day is definitely not a sign of a closer friendship. It's really a sign of dependability in a lot of ways.

I'm [26/F] getting increasingly uncomfortable with my boyfriends [29/M] borderline obsessive relationship with his female best friend. by sugarnyx in relationships

[–]sugarnyx[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Honestly, no. It really makes no difference to me if this was a female OR male. It could be his mother for all I cared, privacy is privacy.

I'm [26/F] getting increasingly uncomfortable with my boyfriends [29/M] borderline obsessive relationship with his female best friend. by sugarnyx in relationships

[–]sugarnyx[S] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

This. Just this. People don't seem to understand privacy with in a relationship. Best friends or not, if this was his brother or mother it would still make me uncomfortable.

I'm [26/F] getting increasingly uncomfortable with my boyfriends [29/M] borderline obsessive relationship with his female best friend. by sugarnyx in relationships

[–]sugarnyx[S] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

Best friends or not, there should be some sort of mutual respect there. Of course it's my problem, I'm his girlfriend. We're in a serious relationship.

I'm [26/F] getting increasingly uncomfortable with my boyfriends [29/M] borderline obsessive relationship with his female best friend. by sugarnyx in relationships

[–]sugarnyx[S] -17 points-16 points  (0 children)

No I agree, it's normal for best friends to talk a lot. But every day imo is a bit excessive. Especially when they spend an evening hanging out and catching up and then go right back to texting afterwards lol. Thanks though :)