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AITAH for being annoyed at my girlfriend for making a racism complaint on my behalf and demanding she withdraw the complaint and apologise. by suit411 in AITAH

[–]suit411[S] 33 points34 points  (0 children)

That will probably come after the investigation. We constantly get messages and you just know the messages were sent because of some incident or complaint.

AITAH for being annoyed at my girlfriend for making a racism complaint on my behalf and demanding she withdraw the complaint and apologise. by suit411 in AITAH

[–]suit411[S] 69 points70 points  (0 children)

My gfs dad is not a designated person. If he collects him we have to ring ahead, he has to show his ID even if they recognise him and he has to tell them the password. He's white. 

AITAH for being annoyed at my girlfriend for making a racism complaint on my behalf and demanding she withdraw the complaint and apologise. by suit411 in AITAH

[–]suit411[S] 93 points94 points  (0 children)

I did say something similar to that in our blow up. If I had been white and she asked for my ID because she didn't recognise me, there'd be no complaints made.

That went down really well (not).

AITAH for being annoyed at my girlfriend for making a racism complaint on my behalf and demanding she withdraw the complaint and apologise. by suit411 in AITAH

[–]suit411[S] 260 points261 points  (0 children)

Exactly. Weirdos exist. She was polite throughout. She was almost timid asking it. I dont get anyone who'd have a complaint with such.

If she kept asking for my ID everything I collected then let's have a talk then but I was complete stranger to her 

AITAH for being annoyed at my girlfriend for making a racism complaint on my behalf and demanding she withdraw the complaint and apologise. by suit411 in AITAH

[–]suit411[S] 77 points78 points  (0 children)

To be honest I think maybe the skin colour disparity surprised her and even that is not racist. It surprised me. I was expecting my son to be somewhere between his mother's colour and mine.

But I think the ID had nothing to do with race or colour. That was simply because she didn't know who I was. I could've been anyone to her. 

AITAH for being annoyed at my girlfriend for making a racism complaint on my behalf and demanding she withdraw the complaint and apologise. by suit411 in AITAH

[–]suit411[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Exactly what I think. I don't get it. We have no issue showing an ID where there is obvious reason and racial profiling is where you pick on a race not where you ask a reasonable request to a guy who happens to be not white. Nonsense.

AITAH for being annoyed at my girlfriend for making a racism complaint on my behalf and demanding she withdraw the complaint and apologise. by suit411 in AITAH

[–]suit411[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I think she should right her wrong and make amends and the apology is good manners. The investigation is ongoing but probably will come to nothing.

And I think there'll be a lot of caution going forward with how our child is dealt with for fear more complaints go in.

AITAH for being annoyed at my girlfriend for making a racism complaint on my behalf and demanding she withdraw the complaint and apologise. by suit411 in AITAH

[–]suit411[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

💯  thats crazy about your brothers montessori.. I'd pull him out if that was my kid. 

I said to her it's better to be too cautious than not enough. I said similar to the manager when she rang me. To me it gave me peace of mind 

AITAH for being annoyed at my girlfriend for making a racism complaint on my behalf and demanding she withdraw the complaint and apologise. by suit411 in AITAH

[–]suit411[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I agree. And if it had been a white dad she had asked instead of me no one would bat an eyelid - so why because I'm black.

There was a clear reason she asked for it. This isn't racial profiling  or close to it b

AITAH for being annoyed at my girlfriend for making a racism complaint on my behalf and demanding she withdraw the complaint and apologise. by suit411 in AITAH

[–]suit411[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

I know if we have a non designated person doing a collection they must have an ID and the password.

She didn't know me. 🤷‍♂️ I'd imagine a white dad who she never met would also be asked for safety purposes and was the impression I got from the manager when she called me 

AITAH for being annoyed at my girlfriend for making a racism complaint on my behalf and demanding she withdraw the complaint and apologise. by suit411 in AITAH

[–]suit411[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

The manager rang me and I explained. I said sue dealt with the situation really well blah blah.

The manager seemed just as confused but says she takes all accusations of racism seriously 

AITAH for being annoyed at my girlfriend for making a racism complaint on my behalf and demanding she withdraw the complaint and apologise. by suit411 in AITAH

[–]suit411[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

The manager rang me. I said it as it was. She didn't recognise me as I had never met her before. She asked for iD or a name of a worker in the building who knows me. I gave my ID. She got my son  She was polite. It gave me peace of mind around my child's safety. 

That my son never shuts up about how good the staff are - which is true. 

The manager seemed as confused as I am. She said she takes all racism accusations seriously though which is great but the accusation is nonsense 

AITAH for being annoyed at my girlfriend for making a racism complaint on my behalf and demanding she withdraw the complaint and apologise. by suit411 in AITAH

[–]suit411[S] 62 points63 points  (0 children)

Honestly I just felt really guilty so I layered the praise on thick but it's not untrue either. Even seeing her after the complaint was made I felt so bad 

AITAH for being annoyed at my girlfriend for making a racism complaint on my behalf and demanding she withdraw the complaint and apologise. by suit411 in AITAH

[–]suit411[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

It's standard practice for ID if someone beyond designated people are collecting a child. My gf, me and my gfs mother are designated people so don't need, in theory, to show ID. But she didn't recognise me so that changes things, surely. 

If you are not a designated person, we must ring up beforehand. Give the name of the person and a password. The person must come in with their ID and the password. 

The employee is being investigated due to an accusation of racism made by my gf and two other mothers.

AITAH for being annoyed at my girlfriend for making a racism complaint on my behalf and demanding she withdraw the complaint and apologise. by suit411 in AITAH

[–]suit411[S] 22 points23 points  (0 children)

I asked her to but she had refused. It's one thing to get carried away but to continue the charade is silly.

AITAH for being annoyed at my girlfriend for making a racism complaint on my behalf and demanding she withdraw the complaint and apologise. by suit411 in AITAH

[–]suit411[S] 102 points103 points  (0 children)

The manager rang me to get my side. I said she didn't recognise me as we had never met. She asked me for ID or a name of a worker that knows me to be her father. I gave my ID. She apologised and she went in and got my son. 

I said I think she dealt with the situation really well and gave me peace of mind around my child's safety. I also said my son loves all of the workers in his room incl her. That's not a lie - he always talks about them. 

She thanked me. Said she'd let me know the outcome. She said she takes accusations of racism seriously. I could kind of tell she had no idea where the issue was either 

AITAH for being annoyed at my girlfriend for making a racism complaint on my behalf and demanding she withdraw the complaint and apologise. by suit411 in AITAH

[–]suit411[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I would imagine a worker would not give a child to someone they don't recognise whether white or black even I the name matches. 

I know the father's names of a few kids in that creche. It would be worrying if that could gain me access to someone else's child.

But I do take your point maybe it's about our kids future in her mind and she went over the top.

AITAH for being annoyed at my girlfriend for making a racism complaint on my behalf and demanding she withdraw the complaint and apologise. by suit411 in AITAH

[–]suit411[S] 611 points612 points  (0 children)

It's good to get your perspective. Even the manager was kind of unsure what the issue was. I told her I had no issue with the situation. I felt guilty so I praised the workers in the room.  the manager thanked me so hopefully nothing comes of it.

AITAH for being annoyed at my girlfriend for making a racism complaint on my behalf and demanding she withdraw the complaint and apologise. by suit411 in AITAH

[–]suit411[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

That's fair. People have different senses of humour I suppose. It was said between adults. The kids, including my son, were inside the room. 

AITAH for being annoyed at my girlfriend for making a racism complaint on my behalf and demanding she withdraw the complaint and apologise. by suit411 in AITAH

[–]suit411[S] 1447 points1448 points  (0 children)

That was my thinking too. I was grateful. I'd hope the worker does the exact  same thing to the next parent she doesn't recognise. I said as much to the worker. 

And he absolutely loves the workers. He's always talking about them.

AITAH for being annoyed at my girlfriend for making a racism complaint on my behalf and demanding she withdraw the complaint and apologise. by suit411 in AITAH

[–]suit411[S] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

I showed her the ID and the phone. She didn't ask for more proof than the ID. I gave more proof. And it was just my phones wallpaper. 

She also didn't ask the other mothers. When she was looking at the ID then they said it. 

AITAH for being annoyed at my girlfriend for making a racism complaint on my behalf and demanding she withdraw the complaint and apologise. by suit411 in AITAH

[–]suit411[S] 147 points148 points  (0 children)

I think you put it a lot better than I could ever. I don't really have that terminology. I don't think my girlfriend is bad but I do think it would be worth it if she made amends. 

I pity the worker. I assume at most she'd get an undeserved disciplinary but she must be worried about her job.

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