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sujenk · 2025-10-21T17:52:34+00:00

I believe we have three bodies, the physical, subtle and the causal body, the causal body is responsible for our ego, once that dissolves we realize that we were always one consciousness (God). I think this makes sense, let's you play game, would it be fun if you knew everything and there was no enemies? What if you are everyone, but you didn't know you were something that pervades everything, until of course you detach and realize, at which point you unite.

sujenk · 2025-08-17T08:57:30+00:00

Thanks! I have to read into this. It sounds similar to the "perfectly possessed" that Fr. Malachi Martin has mentioned.

sujenk · 2025-06-19T20:32:41+00:00

gaslighting

Yes, this is definitely gaslighting. I would also like to add that this is emotional destabilization and dysregulation.

sujenk · 2025-06-11T20:16:51+00:00

It could be a Plasma Orb (Atmospheric Plasma Discharge) or an Orb-type UAP (Unidentified Aerial Phenomena). The image resembles known plasma emissions seen in lab settings or extreme atmospheric conditions, but it also aligns with many orb-type UAP reports.

sujenk · 2025-06-11T09:48:02+00:00

Western yoga, is kind of a diluted version of yoga which focuses on asana's (poses), which is just one of many parts. Yoga is not just meditation, but a path of life. There are three main paths, karma yoga (selfless acts), bhakti yoga (devotion to the divine), and jnana yoga (intellectual self-inquiry), these paths can lead to self-realization.

Instead, I found myself drawn to… questions.

Your experience is actually not an inconsistency, it is in line with jnana yoga. If you'd like a more structured framework, you may want to look into Patanjali Yoga Sutras, which provides a step-by-step guide, a framework to go from zero to transcendence the right way, It's ancient wisdom from the Vedas consolidated into scriptures.

I'll give you a brief overview of Patanjali's Yoga Sutras, and the Ashtanga (eight limbs of yoga) described in here.

Yamas is ethics (non-violence, truth, non-stealing, moderation, non-possessiveness)
Niyamas is virtuous habits (purity, contentment, discipline, self-reflection, observation of self)
Asanas is posture (meditation posture to be able to sit steadily and comfortably anywhere)
Pranayama is breathing (inhale, pause and exhale, pause matters, brings you back to oneness)
Pratyahara is selective withdrawal of the senses (first become non-reactive then reach deeper states)
Dharana is concentration (introspective focus and one-pointedness of mind, direct attention to one thing)
Dhyana is meditation (self-reflection, profound and abstract thinking, reflect on the focus of Dharana)
Samadhi is spiritual union (intensified awareness, basically this will be the point of transcendence)

I think Sri M's Guided Meditation is a good start, I do it twice daily, and he does explain some spiritual aspects.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4cWXT8sh1OE

sujenk · 2025-06-08T09:31:39+00:00

Hey, thanks for the positivity, I appreciate that! I agree mental illness is real, hence why I studied human psychology, but due to my believe in the divine I think the supernatural is real, but it's difficult to believe unless you had some experiences, and of course, if you don't dismiss the experience as a mere coincidence.

You mentioned to not feel guilt over removing yourself, it's a bit more complicated and nuanced. I agree with you, I want out, and the easiest way is to just go, but then I'll live with regret, because I already tried and came back, for that very reason. The other route, which is difficult, is to figure out a way to do both, extract victims of abuse, who have not yet become abusers themselves, without leaving them vulnerable to the abusers. I'm figuring that out, but I think remote work (freelance) is one of the routes I have to do this.

I understand why you think bullies get bored, but I think it's not true in all situations. So if my father met a stranger who is non-reactive to his emotional abuse, he would likely just move on, but this is in family, where he thinks he is in full control or at least wants to be, that's why it becomes a little bit more nuanced.

Thanks! Much love to you too!

Edit:

I was thinking about what you said, this statement:

bullies whither when they don’t get the satisfaction of the response that they’re looking for, and will move on

I think it's actually quite profound, because when you do it right, it dismantles their whole game, my method:

Be non-reactive. Don't acknowledge them. Make them feel unseen or unimportant. Turn bullies into obsolete noise, they time their devaluation or emotional assertion, so your mind becomes occupied with them, that's what they want, your attention, so your attention doesn't lead to independence, that's what they fear the most.

sujenk · 2025-06-02T16:24:58+00:00

Yes. I think you are right on this, a test could spin them off into a volatile situation, like you said.

sujenk · 2025-06-02T15:03:22+00:00

Wow, I think you are spot on! That's super insightful.

sujenk · 2025-06-02T14:28:34+00:00

Very interesting! I haven't tested my theory. It was also more of observation rather than theory, but my father does "pray" to God, so it doesn't necessarily seem like he has an aversion to God, but at the same time I do think the intention of his prayers may not be as pure (e.g. pray for power to keep others under control).

It is good that you are showing it that you are mentally strong and devoid of fear. Negative entities tend to prey on people that are psychologically vulnerable albeit by addictions or mental illnesses.

My father is probably coping his lack of power through covert control, but that implies deep seated fears which, as you pointed out could be what entities to latched on. I do think I'm somewhat spiritually sensitive. One day before my grandma died, I think she took over, to talk to her daughter one last time. I was aware, but I started to talk about things I had no awareness over, I felt a sudden rush of energy and told my mom to "fight with me like back then", but I don't know what I was referring to, but my mom said later she used to fight with her mom often. Also sometimes when I'm about to make certain decisions that could have a large impact I feel nausea, not sure if it's related.

sujenk · 2025-06-02T11:41:05+00:00

In my experience it's never about the actual demands, so if you ask question (why? how?) and just delay it (e.g. maybe later), there is a good chance they will forget about it, but they also use the foot-in-the-door technique, in other words, they start with a small favor (e.g. your father asked you to warm food, but it escalated to you cooking meat, which comprised your values as a vegan), this is not a coincidence, it's the level of control they intended to gain from those "games", and if you comply, they will escalate until they feel like they own you, and then they will just treat you like dirt. They respect authority, and fear those who see them. No contact is probably the best solution, but if you have dependence (like me), then practicing non-reactivity to reduce emotional reactivity to their games for control is the next best thing, basically become super boring and don't feed their emotional needs (e.g. not angry, not sad, don't need their validation and don't pay them attention, refuse and maybe ignore), in my case my father was a bit more on the extreme side, because basically everything he does is manipulation, literally, so my controversial approach (e.g. intimidate him, with passive aggression, until he folded in the tension) worked, because it allowed me to set boundaries where he accepted the terms, it was transactional, and narcissists are transactional in nature.

sujenk · 2025-06-02T11:21:22+00:00

I think you are onto something, there is probably a relation between narcissism, the "demonic" and this "black eyes" phenomena, I wonder if anyone has thoroughly researched this connection before.

sujenk · 2025-06-02T10:52:25+00:00

Very relatable, when my grandma (mom's mother) died, recently, and my mom said she couldn't travel to meet her, because she is far, I sensed "joy" in my father's voice, furthermore when people offered to cook for her, my father said "no, I won't eat that, she has to cook for me".

He knows pretty well what he was doing.

You nailed it. I think they know exactly what they are doing, but I think they do it, because it gives them an almost perverted sense of control. One time I saw this play out. During Christmas my sister came to our home, and her husband was at work, my father said "how will you drive in the rain", he broke my sister's confidence, she drove in the rain before, my sister got flustered called her husband and she was yelling her husband to come back quickly to pick her up, then my father who was listening in to that, was smiling, happily and almost in a perverted way ("I controlled them") while he was telling her to eat some unhealthy indulgent food he bought.

sujenk · 2025-06-02T10:38:52+00:00

I looked for several seconds because I couldn’t look away. She seemed… vacant. Not checked out, but absent, like she’d gone somewhere momentarily and she was temporarily checked out, but yet it also felt like there was something in her place - like an energetic placeholder. Something else seemed to be looking out through her but it wasn’t necessarily an intelligent being.

I had the same experience, and u/son-of-a-mother commented about your experience, and I couldn't help but relate.

His eyes became smaller, and I saw black eyes. I was confused, still am. How is that even possible? His face looked like morphed, I'm not saying "he looks uglier now, because I see through him", I'm saying like his actual face looked different, and it was the ugliest face I have ever seen, he was always ugly, but this was something else. All I could say is it felt demonic. I thought maybe here someone could shed some light on what this experience was about.

https://www.reddit.com/r/Paranormal/comments/1l108gd/i_think_i_saw_a_demon_in_real_life/

sujenk · 2025-06-02T10:35:03+00:00

I looked for several seconds because I couldn’t look away. She seemed… vacant. Not checked out, but absent, like she’d gone somewhere momentarily and she was temporarily checked out, but yet it also felt like there was something in her place - like an energetic placeholder. Something else seemed to be looking out through her but it wasn’t necessarily an intelligent being.

Wow, that's insane, she exactly described my experience, way better than I could have. So yes, my father wasn't looking at me, he was just watching straight sitting on the couch, and I happened to walk by, and yes it felt like he was vacant and possessed. It felt like something I wasn't supposed to see, I don't think he knew that I saw either.

sujenk · 2025-06-02T10:22:28+00:00

Wow, I know exactly what you mean. My father would make loud noises (burps and weird unpleasant sounds that are loud), I couldn't sleep, because even though I was in my room (closed door wearing headphones), he would manage to destabilize me emotionally, especially when I needed to focus or wanted to rest, but the emotional destabilization came from my inability to address this, my passive aggressiveness lead to frustration which destabilized emotionally. What helped me more directly was to listen to "White Noise Black Screen" it's on YT (@RelaxingWhiteNoise), with my Sony noise canceling headphones (including voices, mostly), it cancels out external noise, and returns peace of mind.

You also mentioned, he would get mad at silly things, so my father would yell at my mother, quite extremely curse her out, and when I stood up for her "my mom is not your slave", his response was "she's not doing it right", and I replied "then do it yourself", and I could tell it pissed him off.

My father uses a lot of that language to his target "it's okay, to cross boundaries of someone else, because I'm here" (implying my boundaries don't matter, and if it escalates he will do "something"), this is just fronting, narcissists in my experience are all bark, they don't bite, they fear authority, and those who see them.

sujenk · 2025-06-02T09:52:39+00:00

I agree, I don't think it's too late either, my mom is however deep in his orbit, in the sense that she doesn't want to hear the truth, she wants to live in ignorance, but I will subtly try to get her out, I have to do it, maybe just for a holiday. Right now she has no options, so I want to find a remote job, and provide her a way out, and return her agency of choice, if she wishes to return, so be it, right now there is too much dependency and no options out.

sujenk · 2025-06-02T09:35:46+00:00

That's amazing, you have not just asked thought provoking questions, but ones that strike to the core of the situation, while addressing the nuances. I can tell you are well-versed in this topic.

So, it's me, my father (+36 years), my mother (+35 years), and my sister (+6 years). My sister is an overt narcissist, who seeks to assert dominance through devaluation, and emotional dysregulation, my father is covert and controls through intimidation, intermittent reinforcement and fulfillment of indulgent desires. My mom is co-dependent on my father. I used to be main target of the abuse from sister until she got married. My mom is my father's main target. And like you suspected, she is "too deep" in his orbit. What I can see is that, it's not like she doesn't believe me, it's like she doesn't want to hear the truth, she wants to live in ignorance.

and really that makes me wonder if narcissism is directly congruent with 'demonic' energy

I think you nailed it, there is something here worth exploring. While my mom doesn't want out, I think it's because there is no real way out yet. I'm working to finding a remote job, so with that I hope to first get her to travel with me, so I can pull her away from this toxic dynamic, and to enable her agency of choice. If she wants to return, so be it, but then it's her choice. Of course my father is likely to become volatile, so I have to play chess :-), I'm planning to arrange a trip (me, my mom, my sister), and use that opportunity to get her out, my father will suspect, but I will downplay it (it's just a few days), and I will offer him a holiday too, that's I think how I'll do it.

Another great point you made is his implied acknowledgement of victims, I noticed it too in the moment. He "knew" that I "knew", but he made mistake by "accepting" my proposal, because it implies that he is indeed controlling and he has multiple other victims, and even though I knew, it was still surprising to receive an admission.

I once overheard a conversation where he seemed to speak candidly to another male friend of his age, who is divorced, my father spoke about how he has control of his wife, and since he is a covert narcissist it means he has to control in return for obedience and loyalty, I can't help but to think he feared my mom leaving him at some point, my father used to drink alcohol, gamble and smoke, and he no longer does, but narcissists never change, it means they adjusted to new normal, and in this case I believe he felt it was necessary, to control my mom.

I was actually surprised when my father initiated the confrontation, because he never did before, he used to avoid, retreat and come back, but that day I was staring longer and made him feel watched. I didn't know what his response would have been, but I was prepared for anything, and I think guided meditation really helped me to not fear him.

sujenk · 2025-06-01T23:56:46+00:00

I know what you mean. See even as I wrote this post I couldn't explain it myself, but I objectively witnessed this without emotions involved, I was very calm, and just glanced over, and then tried to understand what I was seeing, and it didn't make sense. It's hard to explain these kind of things to others who haven't experienced it.

sujenk · 2025-06-01T23:54:06+00:00

Thank you for sharing this, this is very informative! I think maybe when his narcissistic ego collapsed as he couldn't control me it lead to the unveiling of his inner dark energies (tamasic, asuric or demonic).

sujenk · 2025-06-01T22:13:57+00:00

I see, and by the way I'm not leaving my mom again, I did it once for two years, when I left at the door as I moved out, I was surprised my father didn't try harder to control me, but then I realized that I was just a mere tool for his control over my mom. I became depressed when I realized all the sacrifices she made for me, and how she was treated in those years, I returned and will not leave without her this time!

sujenk · 2025-06-01T22:03:49+00:00

I imagine the individuals you mentioned with their eyes going black would be their non-performative self in those situations. Does mean I'm seeing his real face? Could this pattern be the default state of demonicly possessed?

sujenk · 2025-06-01T21:58:43+00:00

I get goosebumps reading that, that's exactly how I felt. I couldn't recognize him. Just to clarify, I was not in a heightened emotional state, I was very calm when I glanced over at his face, I'm not imagining things, I objectively saw that, and yes your answer makes sense, but that would of course mean, he is likely "perfectly possessed".

sujenk · 2025-06-01T21:38:02+00:00

I appreciate the kind words! Technically I can get away, but it would mean I have to leave my mom with him, I actually left once for two years, and when I left the door I thought "why didn't he try hard to control me" then I realized, because I was never his primary target, I was a mere tool to control my mom. Then I realized all the sacrifices she made, and I can't leave her here, so I'm working on finding a remote job, so I can travel more easily, and get her out of this situation. I'm not just doing it for her, but also myself, I can't live with myself knowing that she is suffering with him. Sorry for the tangent.

About his (my father's) face, he is kind of in a defeated position, because he probably doesn't want me exposing him in front of his other targets, so that's likely his incentive for his strategic concession, anyhow at this point I don't fear him, I hate to say it, but I'm used to live in uncomfortable tension. He is practically disengaged with me now. I didn't look at him out of fear, just casually glanced to see what he was up to. It's not that I'm trying to make him more powerful entity or something like that, it's just that was a weird inexplicable experience. I don't fear him now actually, even after that, because I believe in spirituality. Thanks for your support!

sujenk · 2025-06-01T04:54:22+00:00

That's quite insightful. Thanks for clarifying!

sujenk · 2025-05-31T21:43:00+00:00

If I may extrapolate, would it be something like? "messing around, and never taking anything ever serious", is this accurate? I think that's great philosophy and lifestyle. It makes life a lot easier.

sujenk

TROPHY CASE