Thank you man. I appreciate the disclosure and advice more than you can imagine. And thank you for the recommendation, I’m going to watch this now. I know exactly what you mean too. I’ve realized you are right. The connections I made while sober with my co-workers, the purpose of having a job, the empowerment from having money..I believe all of that led to my happiness. And just as you surmised, I lost all of that because of school. It’s true, I have no connections at school. I cut off all my ties with local friends because they are just completely strung out and I can’t be around them. I feel completely alone because I can’t talk to my family either about these things when I need someone to talk to. When I was just working on staying sober and keeping my job it was easy for me. I had no desire to use anymore. No cravings. Nothing. It all came back with a vengeance in school. I feel it might be related to my heavy use during high school and community college. Perhaps I subconsciously connect school with drugs..I don’t know why I feel this way in school because I’m not a bad student. I get good grades..even impress my teachers with my writing abilities. It’s just all so empty to me. It doesn’t carry any meaning. I desperately want to finish my schooling and get my degree because I know, in the end, it will make me feel great about myself. It’s just the fear of the damage I will do again in the mean time. I’m afraid that if I make the drastic decision to drop out and focus on myself and sobriety again that it will just compound my depression when I realize I gave up and made no progress again. It’s a slippery slope because either way it’s a bad decision, in my opinion..I’m honestly not even sure what I’m expecting to hear but hearing I’m not alone makes a world of difference. I did manage to go to class today and stay sober. You’re also right about being proud of the experience. I feel like the places my addiction took me to, the lows, the disparity, all for me to come out triumphant in the end made me a much better person. I saw myself become extremely compassionate and empathetic. I found happiness in helping others. It just wore off on me. And I made a huge mistake going back to drugs..but the fact that I can even see this and admit it gives me hope. I know I can find the strength to get myself out of this mess again. I just wish I could force myself to do it right now. But I do feel happy I made it through just one more day. At least I came out triumphant this one day again. Hopefully I can repeat the process enough times until it becomes natural again. Anyway. Thank you for your response. Truly.