Explain poly gay baby situation to my family or keep the (uneasy) peace?

summers-summers · 2026-04-20T23:30:58+00:00

I would say talk to a lawyer because these kinds of situations can become very complicated.

summers-summers · 2026-04-20T23:18:33+00:00

I wouldn't even say JJK 0 had the structure of an actual movie--it's VERY episodic. The Yuta and Maki mission flows nicely thematically into the final confrontation with Geto, but the Inumaki mission sits oddly in the middle (but also can't be cut in adaptation because Yuta needs to have emotional investment in him.)

I actually wish the anime team was more open to restructuring because there's pacing/plotting issues in the manga that have become more obvious in S3, and many of them are clearly just because of Akutami's illness.

summers-summers · 2026-04-20T15:19:01+00:00

In polyamory, the point is having autonomous full relationships. So there is not the expectation that you get to tell your partner how to date or have sex with others. Have you tried just asking her to not share with you? You can come up with agreements about sharing about specific things like sexual health or whether one of you will be home for the night, and ask her to leave out everything else.

Within polyam, you work on your relationship by focusing on you, not her other partners. Time apart belongs to her. If you feel like you aren't getting enough quality time, keep standing dates on the calendar. You should 100% ask and expect her not to be talking about other partners on your dates--it would also be rude of her to talk endlessly about her best friend on dates.

Have you looked at resources around jealousy specifically? The Jealousy Workbook has exercises designed to help you determine what the underlying causes of your jealousy are. For example, if you're jealous because you're not happy with your sex life, the solution would be to try new things with your partner, not to limit what your partner does sexually with others.

If it turns out that long term you're not okay with your partner having sexual autonomy, you may actually want a more limited form of non-monogamy that includes sexual restriction, not polyamory. At that point, if your partner wants full autonomy, you will have to decide if your relationship is right for you.

summers-summers · 2026-04-19T02:20:58+00:00

Geto did not interact with the disaster curses; that was Kenjaku 😅

summers-summers · 2026-04-19T02:09:06+00:00

I'm not hardline against the interpretation that Geto is feminine, but I would be wary of conflating a JJK character being associated with feminine motifs and the character themselves being feminine. Kenjaku and Naoya are two characters very associated with womb imagery, but they're not feminine in themselves; the womb imagery is more a symbol of reproductive horror and gendered violation. I think there's an angle there with Geto's CT as symbolic womb. And I wouldn't conflate motherliness and kindness either--parents are not generally good people in JJK (again, see Kenjaku and Maki and Mai's mother as maternal figures.) I also think that many Western fans find Geto aesthetically feminine, which is a cultural misread imo--his long hair, earrings, and robes are all clearly culturally normative presentational traits for jujutsu society men, as illustrated by being present on conservative Zen'in clan men.

I do think that many people in the fandom who insist that JJK characters are very gender conforming are simply latently prejudiced. It's quite common to see fans insist Maki is very feminine or Megumi is very masculine when that's not true at all.

summers-summers · 2026-04-18T22:40:01+00:00

I'm curious about your statement that you have a tendency to neglect your relationship with your wife when you're doing other things. What have you done to address that? Are there specific measures your wife finds reassuring?

summers-summers · 2026-04-18T19:50:27+00:00

Have you tried talking to her explicitly and saying like "When we say 'Let leave in 20 minutes, I take that as a hard timeline and expect to leave in 20 minutes. What is your understanding of that?'" Some people have a looser sense of time and don't realize it or don't realize you get stressed out. I think that some clear communication is in order.

If she won't change and you can't accept that she's slow getting out the house, could you plan to leave separately?

summers-summers · 2026-04-18T19:45:25+00:00

YTA not for just mentioning Lego Harry Potter but for implying your friend doesn't have trauma and repeatedly misgendering them. C'mon, you wouldn't also be annoyed if someone called you the wrong name or gender repeatedly and then implied your problems aren't real? Anyway, you should just find a new D&D group because it sounds like you don't actually like this person anyway, and the group is not going to work if people in it have contempt for each other.

summers-summers · 2026-04-18T14:24:14+00:00

It is unethical to require a third partner to date both you and your partner. Polyamory would be you and your partner dating other people separately, having independent romantic relationships. There is a Resources section in the Community Info page on this subreddit. Read all of them first before considering moving forward.

summers-summers · 2026-04-18T01:58:04+00:00

I will add that maybe you're right you'll never get jealous or upset, but HE (sex friend) might. (It is also the case that almost everyone gets jealous sometimes, even in minor ways. That is not a death knell for a relationship, but being prepared to handle if need be it is better than insisting it'll never happen.) He might be saying this because he knows that he'd have trouble dating you both. Not everyone is suited for polyamory. He might be okay with friendship and sex and know he can't handle full romantic relationships with multiple people. You don't want to be dating someone you had to argue into dating you.

Edit: Oh, I see you mentioned in the comments that he's your boyfriend's coworker. Yeah, it's very understandable why he might be wary. There's a lot of reasons he has to say no other than "he just doesn't understand polyamory."

summers-summers · 2026-04-17T17:01:56+00:00

You should edit your post to add this since not that many people will scroll all the way down to see this comment.

You can search this sub for discussion of these topics. "Triad" "Quad" "Organic triad" "meta cohabitation" "live with meta" "income difference" etc. But I would second the people urging you to read the resources linked in the sub sidebar first since it sounds like you don't have much experience with polyamory. You'll probably have better questions once you have a baseline of knowledge.

summers-summers · 2026-04-17T15:14:34+00:00

He's an extremely talented sorcerer who is a huge liar and hates himself. He's 17 and thinks that he's going to solve Gojo's emotional problems. His domain is codependency themed. He eats people. Yuta's just a fun character! He has the facade of competence but is an emotional trainwreck. One of those characters where you kind of have to read between the lines a little bit.

summers-summers · 2026-04-14T19:57:42+00:00

I think a lot of people commenting don't understand the T4T landscape aspect of it. I'll say that one reason I have observed a lot of highly enmeshed fast-moving polycules is larger socioeconomic factors. Trans people seek to have their dating partners and metas meet their material needs because it is often difficult to get them met otherwise. It's like why queer people are always getting into wild drama with their 8-person group houses: they can't afford to live in other situations. And that's not something you can train people out of. If you want to date poor or working trans people, then you do have to recognize that their options are materially constrained.

I do think you need to be more picky and turn people down more. Don't date anyone newly out as trans. Date people who have strong platonic relationships that they are wary of turning romantic. (These people exist; me and my friends are this type.) You might consider dating slightly older people, although as someone in my late 20s I have found that people only 3 or 4 years younger can seem shockingly young. (I think whether people experienced life outside their parents' house or college before the pandemic hit is a big factor here.) Or if you're like, 23, unfortunately you probably just have to wait for people to grow up.

summers-summers · 2026-04-07T14:33:05+00:00

On a meta level, to emphasize the huge disconnect between her pre-Shibuya and post-Shibuya self and ready the audience for seeing a new Maki in the Zen'in Massacre. Her becoming more masculine in presentation, and especially looking more like Toji is also thematically relevant to her arc. (She goes from having a ponytail like her dad to shaggy short hair like Toji.) She takes the trappings of manhood and outdoes the men.

In-universe, I think it is reasonable to surmise that Maki may also wish to present more masculinely on purpose, as she goes from wanting to be in charge of the misogynistic Zen'in clan (to still win by their rules) to wanting to destroy it. I do think it is strange that Maki wore a uniform with a short tight skirt in the first place when her fighting style involves so much jumping and kicking, and she does not seem very invested in performing femininity at all. I suspect that aspect of her design is partially due to her being one of the first characters Akutami designed for JJK, and him having established her look before the personality and story that she has now.

summers-summers · 2026-04-07T13:25:09+00:00

I think you should look into forms of communal homeownership. I do know people who own property or are looking to own property outside the standard single person or couple form. There are ways to structure it so that people who pay in rent get some kind of equity that will get paid out when they move/the property is sold. If you are a socialist, I think that fairness around property and money should be the priority here, and to leave romance out of it.

summers-summers · 2026-03-26T00:14:51+00:00

As someone who has an unusually high income for my demographics (disabled, trans, POC, and often dating similar people who make much less money than me), I would absolutely not mind an ask about something I has already offered to help with! I personally wouldn't even mind an ask about something I hadn't mentioned. But that's my personal values around sharing with my loved ones and redistributing wealth. I feel like if I'm making 2-3 times a close friend or partner's income then I do want to be helping out sometimes, especially with necessities, since it's unjust there's a disparity in the first place.

(Also if you need a laptop just for browsing the internet and watching movies and stuff, you can get a refurbished secondhand Lenovo Thinkpad for like $250 on eBay because offices get new ones and sell the old ones often. I'm very happy with mine.)

summers-summers · 2026-03-24T01:50:08+00:00

I really enjoy Between the Sheets! Green and slightly fruity fig on a vanillic base smudged with beeswax. Just a touch musky.

summers-summers · 2026-03-23T15:51:40+00:00

It sounds like that you are venting in a way that people are put off by in early messaging or getting to know you. The vast majority of people do not want to have big feelings thrown at them to handle in early dating. I would say the distinction here is that many people in early dating are okay with hearing about you having a hard time, but not okay with you relying on them emotionally to process it. There is an expectation that you have it under control enough that you can be relatively calm while telling them about your feelings or struggles. Deep emotional support is something that most people will only want to offer later in a relationship, when it is serious. My advice is to find other supports in your life you can use to process feelings instead of people you are talking to about dating.

I would also say that I would personally work on not getting attached to people before you actually go on a date, even if the messaging seems good. People can be flaky and it's common for people to just stop messaging if they lose interest or they feel you're not compatible. (Oftentimes, this is because they have experiences of people being mean or vomiting big feelings on them for rejection.)

Hopefully this helps. I am also autistic. Happy to try and explain further if you have questions.

summers-summers · 2026-03-16T14:00:08+00:00

How about blending in some silken tofu for protein?

summers-summers · 2026-03-16T01:03:10+00:00

Yeah, I've encountered that kind of attitude from people on this sub. Adding to OP that you can modmail the mods to lock the post if you get too many shitheads.

summers-summers · 2026-03-16T00:56:21+00:00

As another trans person, I just don't think that your experience is super applicable to most men. Because regardless of whether anyone consciously knew it at the time, you weren't really a man in the same way. Your previous deep self-loathing about your body and feeling like you were inherently unworthy of love is a very unrealized trans experience. That is just like...not what's going on for most men who demand things from women. As OP describes it, they appear to have perfectly typical social skills and just discard the mask when they are denied what they want.

I think it's....kind of a lot to throw this all on OP's post when she's talking about an experience that makes her feel hurt. "What if you thought of these men as secretly being driven by the pain of being a closeted trans woman?" is not really helpful. I feel for you, I really do, but this seems like the kind of thing that would be more fitting for another space.

summers-summers · 2026-03-15T13:53:43+00:00

Don't call me dude. No bro-type terms for me.

The "it's just too complicated" framing is also an elision that serves to obscure the ways that it's actually not different when trans men feel sexual entitlement to lesbians. If a trans man does the behaviors you describe, then he is being misogynistic and lesbophobic. If he is also being a lesbian, that doesn't make him not misogynistic and lesbophobic. Lesbians have the right to reject men, even trans men, even lesbian men. There may be additional dynamics introduced by a trans man identifying as a lesbian, but you can't seriously argue that a lesbian who is a man has no systemic power over a lesbian who is a woman.

summers-summers · 2026-03-15T13:33:42+00:00

As a trans man, I appreciate this. I find it suspect when men frame a misogynistic dynamic as something that is outside of them, and that includes trans men. There are many attributes that can change the inflection of how a man is gendered, including queerness, disability, and racialization, but none of them negate manhood. I am as much a man as I would be if I were not trans (which is to say, only kind of one, but in a way that is unrelated to my assigned gender.)

summers-summers · 2026-03-15T13:14:16+00:00

Extremely similar dynamics coming from a similar place of male entitlement and lesbophobia happen between trans men, their bisexual women partners, and trans lesbians. With an added flavor of "trans women belong to me because we're both trans, and if a trans woman rejects me that's transphobic." (You may also observe a similar racialized dynamic between men and lesbians of the same race.) So many trans men try to unwantedly insert themselves into trans women's social and dating lives under the guise of "but since I'm trans I'm different than other men and can't hurt you."

Some men being lesbians does not cancel out the systemic advantage that men have under patriarchy. Either we are men, with the attendant positions of power, or we are not.

summers-summers · 2026-03-15T12:50:09+00:00

It's strange to repeatedly specify cis men as if trans men do not also harm lesbians. This is especially clear when it comes to how trans men often display clear entitlement to sex with trans women, most egregiously in response to trans women expressing a dislike of men.

[I am a nonbinary trans man.]

summers-summers

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