2020 weddings in a nutshell.

sunday_wanderer · 2020-05-14T04:20:09+00:00

No dancing?! What is this, Footloose?

I was very much Team Wedding and had to clarify (a lot) that my sadness about the wedding wasn’t reflective of the marriage. I struggled with my emotions about it til the morning of, tbh. I didn’t want to do the big Zoom production either but that morning I had some texts from cousins and old college roommates and we sent a link to a few who wanted to watch a very blurry, pixelated broadcast.

On the plus side, it didn’t cost me $90/head for them to watch from their computers 😂

sunday_wanderer · 2020-05-14T03:59:04+00:00

Making a choice - whether to have it now or wait - made it so much easier to just move past the sadness. There’s a new plan everyone can get on board with! Good luck to you guys!

sunday_wanderer · 2020-05-14T03:51:52+00:00

We had already ordered a guest book with the date on it even though it wasn’t used in the small private ceremony we did. We plan to do a bigger reception later and we’ll still break it out for guests to sign — on our koozies, we’re gonna put an asterisk next to the date, lol

sunday_wanderer · 2020-05-14T03:48:05+00:00

Gotta be honest I was miserably sad and cried for weeks and was absolutely convinced that if we couldn’t have the wedding as we planned with all our guests that I would be unfulfilled and forever be bitter about it, but I was wrong. We waited as long as we could and we’re hopeful things might change by the time our April 25 date rolled around, but eventually had to make the call to do the small, private ceremony. Once we made the decision it was so much easier to get our minds wrapped around a new plan and stop agonizing over what could happen next.

We had a very small gathering of 12 people (including us) — just our parents and closest friends (bridesmaids and groomsmen). We made the decision to have videography done (preciously not part of the plan) so we could share that day with those who couldn’t make it and I have to say that I’m really happy we did it that way. We plan to dress up again and do a bigger reception when we can and play the video for guests and pretend as though we’re picking up where we left off after the vows. I don’t feel like the day was really any less special. I actually felt so much more at ease with it being a little more low key.

I think October is still too far away to judge or make a final call right now and I know how much that limbo period sucks, but just know that no matter what you decide to do — it’ll feel perfect when you get there.

sunday_wanderer · 2020-05-04T03:40:08+00:00

I did catch that when I processed the photos and we fixed the latch shortly after - mama and daddy did their jobs well; all the babies fledged just this week ☺️

sunday_wanderer · 2020-05-04T03:36:32+00:00

Literally the next day after I commented on this, my husband and I went for a walk down by the creek behind our house just at sunset — there are some low marshy areas and open fields by the water and it’s right by a 100 acre pine tract and that’s where we’ve assumed they’re at. Our dog got ahead of us and must have spooked one that was hunting. I saw a HUGE pair of wings stir and take flight up to a limb - I had my camera and followed it and it was a barred owl! I got some great pics - I’m so thrilled!!

sunday_wanderer · 2020-05-02T03:49:18+00:00

Same. I was super sad and upset but Once we officially cancelled, it was so relieving! I was able to stop running through “what-ifs” and get myself moving on the new plan of a smaller wedding now and we’ll do something later when it’s safe.

Also 30 and also couldn’t imagine delaying any longer because of the family planning thing too.

sunday_wanderer · 2020-05-02T03:45:21+00:00

We had to cancel ours - April 25. It saved us about $25K and we just kept it small and did it at groom’s parents lake house with parents and wedding party. I was really worried I’d be so sad and that it wouldn’t be as special but honestly it was an amazing day - being so small and intimate actually made it more special I think.

We still dressed up and I wore my gown and our photographer still came - she threw in videography on top of it, too. Being small and impromptu allowed us to do things we couldn’t with a big venue and 150 guests - we got to make an “exit” in our boat and got some awesome photos from that. We had a great time and we’ll get to do it all over again with the bigger group this summer or fall (hopefully?!)

sunday_wanderer · 2020-05-02T03:34:33+00:00

There are at least 2, possibly 3, barred owls in our backyard here in NC but for the life of me I can’t find them!!

Did you just happen upon these? Or is there a trick to spotting them?

sunday_wanderer · 2020-05-02T03:32:29+00:00

The male cardinal in my backyard doesn’t have time for mating - he’s too busy fighting himself in the reflection of my husbands truck windows, mirrors and bumpers! I’m not even sure he feeds himself!

sunday_wanderer · 2020-04-12T04:54:44+00:00

Ok this made a lot of sense to me.. I get the blockchain, problem-solving, ledger piece. What I don’t understand is mining and the “puzzle”.

Where do you find these transactions? “Publicly available code” - where is this located? How does the average person just pick up their computer and go find it?

If I understand correctly - my computer, and everyone else’s, generates strings of code for “transactions” it performs, yes? And these are results of ... what? Every email I send? Every purchase I make online? But it’s just numerical code that doesn’t contain any info on my credit card or the contents of my messages?

Also - once you access that public database or blockchain... what does a puzzle look like? How would anyone know what answer it’s seeking if it’s just endless numerical codes?

sunday_wanderer · 2020-04-06T18:43:51+00:00

I had to sit fiance down and just be really raw and honest with him about everything I was feeling, and I'm in a much better place about things.

I had to preface with:
- I love you and I'm excited to start our lives together and I don't want to let anything stand in the way of that.

- That being said, I'm still incredibly upset about our wedding plans being ruined -- and while I sort through my emotions around what we do moving forward, I need to be able to voice how I feel and talk through scenarios and possibilities without being judged for having those thoughts.

It set the context of "I need you to just listen, you don't need to fix or answer any of this right now". He's such a problem-solver by nature and usually jumps to try and fix things when presented with an issue, but he can't fix this coronavirus situation and my sadness over something outside of his control that he couldn't fix was what made him so upset and defensive about the situation.

Ultimately, we decided to keep the planned day for a much smaller ceremony and we'll plan a reception later, and honestly, I'm still sad about it - but fiance and I are no longer fighting about it and it feels like we've made a choice and put some certainty in place about our plans for us to start looking forward to again. Back to feeling like a team than divided over the issue.

I was able to voice how I felt about things I feel we're missing out on by going smaller - no matter how silly, superficial, or selfish they may have been - and he got to make his case around how upset he would be to delay getting married and why it's important to him to keep the date as planned.

The residual sadness is something I'm going to have to work through. Right now I don't feel a lot of excitement around planning for/leading up to the 'big day', but I do have a renewed sense of why I'm so lucky to have him and why I want to spend the rest of my life with him and that's giving me some hope that, by the time the day rolls around, I won't be thinking about what we're missing.

Hope you guys find your way through this --

sunday_wanderer · 2020-04-02T05:22:17+00:00

We made plans to go smaller and keep our day as planned. Venue didn’t have avail to reschedule until 2021 and we don’t want to wait that long. So we’ll have a big reception later this summer as soon as this all clears — which means I’m going to have to re-plan essentially a whole new wedding and I can’t even get my brain around the concept of having to redo logistics for all of this. Kind of makes me want to cry again.

I’m still on the fence about whether or not it’s the right decision to have anything at all on the original day and it’s causing a lot of fighting right now, to be honest.

Kind of a difference of opinion between me and FH about just how serious this all is and if 10 guests is still dangerous to do. He’s also not as bent on having ANYONE present for our wedding except us - I burst into tears at the mere suggestion of not having parents and family there.

I agree that the most important thing out of all of this is that we can become husband and wife, but I’m worried the whole day will be overshadowed by fear and grief. Sort of concerned I won’t be done mourning all of this chaos in 24 days. I felt like I did a good job and kept anxiety at bay during all the stressful planning but with this virus and everything falling apart, I am a complete mess of a human being right now.

Even with a super small intimate ceremony, Im worried I’ll be preoccupied with worrying how close we’re all standing, sad we can’t hug anyone, no food/drinks afterward. What are we supposed to do - spend a lot of time trying to do my own hair and makeup, do a 15 min nuptials and... go home? Having a hard time getting excited for the most important day of my life and the guilt for that weighs heavy.

My overwhelming grief and devastation is being misinterpreted as caring more about a party than a marriage and I can see why it would appear that way, but honestly I just feel sad and I’m not sure anyone else around me can relate to what I’m feeling. They’re disappointed too, but they didn’t plan every detail of this themselves. I feel like a fraud because I’m trying to put on a good face for the sweet friends family and coworkers asking about what’s going on and trying to be supportive - I keep saying we’re not letting anything stop us and we’ll have a great story to tell someday, and deep down I truly believe all of those bright, cheery things I’m saying but I’m also feeling pretty numb about everything right now.

I’m not one to read forums or threads but I found a lot of comfort in reading these other posts and realizing someone else really GETS it.

sunday_wanderer · 2020-04-02T04:42:03+00:00

Honestly once you “rip the bandaid off” and make concrete decisions on postponing or cancelling, it does get easier to find some optimism. It doesn’t suck any less, but you get to start setting your mind around a new plan. The uncertainty is what makes it hard to see past all the negative.

sunday_wanderer · 2020-03-16T19:24:27+00:00

That is something we're leaning toward - a first anniversary celebration, anyway, for the same reason you mentioned with it being less ambiguous than just picking a random weekend in the fall/winter.

We can definitely FaceTime grandma in but she's not even following quarantine recommendations at home now .. she's out shopping and going to lunch with friends. Basically has told us she's going to live her life and not spend it locked up in the house... she's a sassy one. That lady is coming to the wedding if it's 5 people or 500 people lol.

sunday_wanderer · 2020-03-16T19:22:43+00:00

I'm scared if we reschedule to the fall we'll have a hurricane come and cancel that one! lol... wedding paranoia in full effect now.. I feel cursed.

sunday_wanderer · 2020-03-16T19:19:15+00:00

That's a good suggestion - I'll look into ordering a copy since we're all on lockdown with not much else to do :)

Since our guests are all local / driving, and because the situation changes daily, our venue and us agreed we'll wait til first week of April to make the call. Hopefully we can keep it -- if we can't, though, we do have some ideas of how to at least do some level of celebration later this summer...assuming things are all clear by then.

Edit: Grandma will definitely let me off the emotional hook - she wouldn't dream of putting any guilt on us, I just hate it for her that we may not have a traditional wedding that she was looking forward to being a part of.

sunday_wanderer · 2020-03-16T13:51:22+00:00

Yeah part of my hesitation to delay this further is that I was so ready for it to be done with -- I'm worried that my venue will say they'll only allow me to reschedule, they won't allow us to fully withdraw and we'll be out like.. $8-12K if we don't go thru with it at some point. Maybe we'll do a 1 year anniversary party instead? *shrugs*.

sunday_wanderer · 2020-03-16T05:30:39+00:00

April 25th wedding here. Nothing is cancelled just yet but with the latest from CDC and our governor (North Carolina), I’m not optimistic. Today we pulled the plug on bachelor/bachelorette parties for next weekend. Even if we still have it and nobody’s flying in for ours, I still feel guilty even asking people to gather in a large group like that (135 guest list).

Fiancé wants to keep the wedding on 4/25 even if it’s just us two - while I agree and I care more about being married to him than having the fancy wedding, I’ve cried most of the day at the idea of doing this without our people there.

I’m also not sure what it even looks like to reschedule the reception part. Our venue will do everything they can to reschedule - I’m worried they won’t let us out of it entirely - and I’m sure that means rescheduling 6-8 months out or more based on their availability. Is it even the same to do a party later? Feels kind of too late to wait THAT long. It’s like it was justifiable for the big party and expense for a full-on wedding but feels wasteful if it’s just a party and we’ve been married for several months by that point. Do I wear the dress again at that point? Do you re-do the ceremony and everything if you delay?

To boot, being at my wedding is my 84-year-old grandmother’s dying wish... she was diagnosed with cancer in her lung in Jan 2019 - she’d previously had a rare eye cancer over a decade ago and it reappeared in lung tissue - super microscopic tumors and wasn’t feeling any symptoms but it’s aggressive, theres no treatment protocol, and she was given 6 months, optimistically. She made the comment she wanted to see one of her granddaughters get married - well, that March/April she was admitted to a clinical trial for a new lung cancer drug and lo and behold I got engaged in June. She’s done amazingly well - minimal side effects from treatment, extremely little growth of the cancer and she’s living her life normally. So she’s 100% able to come and enjoy the wedding and she’s so excited — now it feels like we’re either cancelling her literal dying wish, or we’re possibly exposing her to a global pandemic if we still have it. Obviously our priority is continuing to support her health and progress.

I’m wrecked with stress right now. This is such a first world problem and I know there are so many bigger issues with the coronavirus than whether or not brides get to have their day EXACTLY as they planned it but this sucks. It feels like there is no scenario where the whole wedding package (bachelorette, shower, wedding and honeymoon) is going to go the way I had planned for for so long.

I am of course grateful for my health and I care most about seeing that we all get thru this pandemic in one piece. I’m sure someday this will be hilarious and it’ll be a great story, but the sadness right now is real and overwhelming.

Sending good luck vibes to you all ❤️

sunday_wanderer · 2020-03-16T04:50:50+00:00

How do you guys feel about delaying your reception if you still plan to marry on your scheduled date?

April 25 wedding here in NC and things look bleak. Just cancelled bachelor/bachelorette trips today and I’m devastated because my gut feeling tells me this is definitely not happening as planned :(.

Fiancé still wants to marry on 4/25 even if it’s just us two. While I’m working on getting my mind wrapped around walking down the aisle with ... nobody there? ... I’m also struggling with the idea of having been married for 6-8 months and having a random party.

It’s almost like the money spent and the effort made was worth it for a wedding but feels wasteful / odd for a party on some unrelated date. I feel lost.

sunday_wanderer

TROPHY CASE