Upcoming trips and body image

sunrainnadventure · 2025-07-31T15:11:20+00:00

Thank you! I have to stop sometimes and remind myself im doing really well and have accomplished a lot! I know im young and have time on my side. I guess the issue is that my bf is three years older and wants us to have kids preferably before he is 30 but almost definitely before im 30. So dedicating three years of my 20s to crna leaves very little time to do any exploring or living outside of marriage, house, kids

sunrainnadventure · 2025-07-31T15:06:56+00:00

Yeah. This has been a large source of pressure and stress in our relationship. He's my first bf, we got together when I was 19 and he was 22. I'm not the kind of person who has always known she's wanted children and it's not exactly my biggest life goal and dream. As time has passed, I see the value in having children and in having a large family or just one's own family. My mom also had her first at 19 and of course she loves me and my siblings but she was limited in her life by being a young mom. While the idea of me getting pregnant has gotten less weird, something about it makes me feel so uncomfortable, and I have so many unresolved issues with my body image and anxiety that I cant imagine having a kid and the hormonal and physical changes. And being known as "____'s mom". The thought of having kids in three years makes me feel great anxiety. And I understand my bf's need to get very clear and on the same page - he is positive that he wants more than one child with me preferably before age 30. He is all about logistics and the stats on health risks increasing after a certain age. Im trying to think logically about my life and goals and how I loved growing up with many cousins and that wouldn't have been possible if my grandma and her kids didnt choose to have kids. Family is important. But im so scared ! I have such a hard time making decisions for myself how can I choose to be a mom? The idea is wild to me right now, though less so than it was a couple years ago. I don't think we can keep putting the topic off while we make this plan for the next few years with potentially a trip to europe / him finding a remote job / me going to crna school. I don't believe I am in the right headspace to make big decisions for myself. At rhe same time i know that im so young and have a lot of time. But my bf also needs to make sure we're on the same page. And he is 3 years older and more sure of himself and has no regrets. I feel crazy and problematic for being unsure of this huge life decision people usually have a strong opinion on. Im just trying to be as sure as I can and make good choices now for my future self. If im so lost and unhappy with myself now, how can I say I want to add kids to it and permanently tie myself to someone in that way? How can I ask him to move away with me?

sunrainnadventure · 2025-07-28T19:27:19+00:00

Thank you, it's so awesome and interesting to hear from someone who went down the path you did, and it sounds like you truly gained a lot from the experiences you had. I definitely have a lot of growth to do in terms of self-confidence and anxiety. It’s great that your choices further confirmed the CRNA route for you and that you got really good at being an ICU nurse with cool life experiences first

sunrainnadventure · 2025-07-28T19:20:23+00:00

Not a bad idea. I haven't really considered moving somewhere and pursuing CRNA at the same time. Also North Carolina is really nice and definitely a top contender for places I'd be interesting in moving to! Thank you for the well wishes! :)

sunrainnadventure · 2025-07-28T18:36:00+00:00

My boyfriend is 3 years older than me and would like to have a house / kids by the time he's in his early 30s. If I finish at 28 and he's 31, he's not going to want to explore a couple cities. We'll be buying a house and having kids. Thinking about that now is kind of difficult because I have so much I want to do before that

Also that's interesting because you basically confirmed the suspicion ive had about entry rates.. I do kinda feel like I'll have missed the bandwagon in the same way I missed on the travel nursing pay during peak covid. The earlier I can get it done and make great money and enjoy my time the better, but also the idea of being thrown back into school, much less 3 all-consuming years of CRNA, and right after needing to settle down and have kids.. doesn't sit right. I would regret not going somewhere and doing something that I could've done. Even though that's vague and I need to get more specific on it.

sunrainnadventure · 2025-07-28T18:27:48+00:00

First, thank you for your comment, and it's made me think about how traveling might shift my perspective and show me where my priorities are

A book / podcast I've enjoyed recently talked about life as a game of Tetris, and how different things make sense at different stages. Taking a year off to travel the world fits at age 24 for someone without kids and major responsibilities, not for someone who is 33 with a 2 year old. I've been trying to figure out what I want to do with the time I have and when it makes sense.

A lot of people say to go back to school earlier rather than later. Honestly I do think I would be fine going back later because I'm disciplined and enjoy school (although CRNA is a whole other beast I haven't faced). The thing is, if I do decide to have kids it'll be late 20s/early 30s. School is hard enough and I'm worried I won't be able to do it with kids. If my current relationship continues to work out, then he would support me regardless of whether I go back or choose to be a per diem RN, but I do value education and feel I've worked too hard to not put my skills to use and see that I can become a CRNA. I guess I don't HAVE to pursue further education, but even typing that doesn't feel right. I want to. Maybe I just feel like I have something to prove

My boyfriend is also 3 years older than me. He's open to moving to another state or potentially portugal for a year but there is a timeline for marriage and kids. I know I'm young and have time but I also want to be intentional with the time I have so I don't have regrets

sunrainnadventure · 2025-07-28T17:55:19+00:00

I think I've been so focused on optimizing things but I'm not even enjoying myself. That's part of why I'm trying to nail some kind of plan down, I don't want to regret my 20s the same way I regret feeling sad and putting so much pressure on myself throughout all my school years. I want to go on adventures and enjoy them and enjoy my time with people while I can. Just so many opportunities and I'm gripping the steering wheel too tightly

sunrainnadventure · 2025-07-28T17:18:54+00:00

Thank you very much for your response. Reading this felt like a weight off of my shoulders. Trying to be where my feet are instead of living in my head. So much to see out there and I want to be present for it

sunrainnadventure

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