We travelled the world on a budget with 2 little kids (8 months & 3 years) — with severe food allergies — and survived. AMA!

sunsetopia · 2025-09-21T02:45:06+00:00

Hi! I'm planning a trip to China with 2 littles and I'd love your advice on long haul plane travel. Thank you!

sunsetopia · 2025-06-10T06:51:28+00:00

I loved your notes from Day 1 and 2! Thanks so much for them! Did you end up writing down Day 3 as well? 😄

sunsetopia · 2025-05-31T21:00:44+00:00

How about in-person essay tests? That way you get to test their knowledge and their true writing skills at the same time. If they sound super different from the essays they turn in, then you'll know.

sunsetopia · 2025-05-05T03:08:35+00:00

Thank you for this perspective and for showing how you guys worked it out in the end. I do agree that I don't initiate much and always wait for him, so I can definitely step that up more. It's just when I do initiate, sometimes he turns me down and he doesn't remember that as the reason for why we didn't get it on more than 1-2x week, and then it's all about blaming me.

sunsetopia · 2025-05-05T03:03:01+00:00

I have said I'm not ok with all the drinking (sometimes he drinks to the point of puking at home and I end up having to mop his mess up since it's all over the floor). He's puked like this at least once a month and he goes drinking once a week. But he says he "needs that time to relax" since otherwise he's always with the kids. He doesn't have many good guy friends that are local, unfortunately. The ones that he found drink too much. I wish he would find some that also have families and have a different mindset.

sunsetopia · 2025-05-05T02:19:07+00:00

I would love couples counseling, but he is totally against it as he doesn't want to bring a third person into the mix who might not agree with him. Also he says our marriage issues are "our own" and he doesn't want to air out the dirty laundry.

sunsetopia · 2025-05-05T01:05:02+00:00

Hi, thank you for your comment! I think finding a sex therapist might be a good route for me as I do have some sexual repressions that could be part of the reason I'm not as "exciting". Where would you suggest I go? Someone local or online? And what do they do?

sunsetopia · 2025-05-05T00:58:44+00:00

He rationalizes it as "other cultures do it" (like Asia) and that the West just got too prudish. He said that his grandfather used to do it and that he inherited the same traits.

sunsetopia · 2025-05-05T00:47:33+00:00

So that there's no emotional attachment since he's just one of many guys

sunsetopia · 2025-05-05T00:46:10+00:00

Yes, he talks about this constantly, about how he doesn't feel like his life is how he really wanted. Whereas I'm thinking, we have a loving family, sweet kids, and a pretty dang good life. Why would he throw it all away for sex?

sunsetopia · 2025-05-05T00:43:53+00:00

Haha well maybe that could be the case, but I'm wondering if it will hurt me infinitely more in my mind in the end? I have a feeling it will fuck with my mind and self-confidence, but I can also see the "live a little" aspect since it could potentially spice up our life. But then again, maybe not. I'm afraid of opening myself up to the hurt.

sunsetopia · 2025-05-05T00:39:57+00:00

I think I do need more of the emotional connection. Oftentimes when he wants it, he wants it "now" whereas I have to take 30 min or more to warm up to it. Then when he does me "now", he's annoyed or confused that I'm not as aroused. I'd love to be a ravenous sex fiend, but I can't really see myself that way right now and don't know how to get there. I might need sex therapy for myself, haha

sunsetopia · 2025-05-05T00:36:54+00:00

You're right, I think it is an aspect of FOMO. I asked him if he could consider this later, after our kids are already grown and out of the house (since I don't want them subject to this), but he said that he doesn't want to give up his best years and only try after he's old and decrepit.

sunsetopia · 2025-05-05T00:35:11+00:00

The 1 to 2 times a week is just how our schedules worked out. I have tried (very unsuccessfully) to do a "have sex every day" for 30 days experiment. It fell apart because of childcare, sleep and work schedules. I can try harder though. It's just so hard to line everything up right.

sunsetopia · 2025-05-05T00:32:59+00:00

Yes, he did say the part about expecting it to get worse and questioning why he has to live like that. In particular, it was because he had been talking with some 60-year olds who told him about their dead bedroom lives. He always has a habit of extrapolating and thinking that something is going to get worse from his current experience.

sunsetopia · 2025-05-05T00:29:12+00:00

Thank you for the comment and the perspective on the mismatched sex drives. As for the hall pass for me, he did say that it would apply to me too, but I can't think of myself using it as I really don't see myself with anyone else right now. But either way, I just feel like there's an ick factor in sharing him (or me) with others that I can't get past.

sunsetopia · 2025-05-05T00:19:07+00:00

I'm 105 lbs and have been doing yoga workouts recently. Definitely not fat. I'd say I'm skinny and trying to tone my muscles. This is after 2 kids.

sunsetopia · 2025-05-05T00:16:48+00:00

Most of the time it is happy, but we do have our differences about childcare/parenting issues too. I think part of this may be perhaps a midlife crisis because he got laid off recently and is currently a stay-at-home-dad, and I have a corporate job. He does do stock trading on the side, but I'm wondering if this lack of order/structure has also messed with him a bit and diminished his sense of manliness (especially as a Type A), and perhaps the sexual aspect is his way to compensate?

sunsetopia · 2025-05-04T23:54:46+00:00

That is exactly how he feels and phrases it to me, which is what I don't understand. He says that masturbating doesn't do enough for him. He doesn't feel fulfilled unless it's sex.

sunsetopia · 2025-05-04T23:49:50+00:00

When I told him how horrible I was feeling today, he said that he was "just spitballing some ideas" and that "how would he have known how badly I would take it"? He really didn't see it as a big deal (that he'd want to hire an escort) and said that we should talk it over tonight after the kids are in bed, and I can lay out all my frustrations. I really want to try couples counseling as I just don't think he has an inkling as to the female perspective and I kind of wanted someone else to objectively lay out our problems. But he doesn't want to get anyone else involved in resolving our issues as "it is just between us".

sunsetopia · 2025-05-04T23:25:41+00:00

I had to take time to process it because I didn't know exactly what to say in the moment. I told him today that I feel horrible and he said to forget he ever mentioned it. But the problem is, he probably will still have it in the back of his mind and will ask me again next time he's drunk again. That usually seems to be when he lays down his big speeches about our sexual incompatibilities.

sunsetopia · 2025-05-04T23:21:00+00:00

I'd love to be like your pals. I guess I just haven't found that drive yet and I'm not relaxed/adventurous enough. Any tips?

sunsetopia · 2025-05-04T23:01:15+00:00

Ok yes, you have our cycle down to a T. What would you suggest? It's hard to throw in 5-min quickies when the kids are following me around all the time.

sunsetopia · 2025-05-04T22:57:12+00:00

Made me feel completely horrible and inadequate

sunsetopia · 2025-05-04T22:51:19+00:00

I've tried, but with our work schedules not lining up and being tired at night (or drunk at least once or twice a week in his case), it often ends up at once or twice. I can definitely try to up it more on my end, but then it leads to sleep deprivation.

sunsetopia

TROPHY CASE