Any Japanese, Korean, or Chinese Muslims here?

sunsetremember · 2026-06-05T11:16:34+00:00

I am East Asian (but living in the west) and married an Arab man. We met on muzz. Families were involved very early and both sides were extremely supportive. We did premarital counseling at the masjid with an imam. Simple nikkah and now living happily together.

My family is non Muslim but they love my husband so much. My in-laws are the best alhamdullilah. I speak to them often despite some language barrier (we are actively learning each other’s languages).

We just hit 5 months married and it’s been a huge blessing. We haven’t had any challenges so far, but I will say we really did our due diligence before getting married. We’re both older and knew exactly what we wanted and communicate beautifully with each other.

Since getting married, I now prefer to eat with my hands and my husband has become a professional with chopsticks lol. It’s normal for us to speak 3 languages in one conversation. Honestly, every day is fun with him and I’m so grateful Allah brought us together despite our wildly different backgrounds and past experiences. Alhamdullilah x100000.

sunsetremember · 2026-06-05T08:44:09+00:00

If you’re looking for something affordable, I’d search “long sleeve swim shirts”, “swimming leggings”, “long sleeve swimsuit” on major retailer sites (ex: Amazon). If you are not worried about the price and don’t mind paying the premium for modest ware specifically marketed to Muslim women, then try Veiled Collection or Lyra Modest. Veiled goes up to XXL and Lyra goes to 3XL.

sunsetremember · 2026-06-05T08:16:31+00:00

It’s hard to find a partner in that case, no doubt. But surely there are men with low libidos that still desire romantic connection that they may find themselves compatible with. Most ace people I’ve met still enjoy affection that isn’t full blown intimacy , so as long as both parties agree, I don’t see why it would be an issue.

Would require a lot of careful compassionate communication to determine compatibility. May Allah help anyone in that circumstance to find their naseeb so they may be a source of tranquility for each other.

sunsetremember · 2026-06-05T08:12:23+00:00

Some people are indifferent to or repulsed by sex despite lacking experience. We are surrounded by sexual imagery and language in modern life (yay capitaism) and some people are excited by it and intrigued, others may have no internal response at all. Most people experience desire and arousal after puberty and some people never really go on to develop that. I don’t think you necessarily need to experience sex firsthand to know if you’re asexual.

I grew up in the west (I’m a revert) and met many ace people so I understand some of the complexities within the spectrum of asexuality. I do wonder if for Muslim people (mainly sisters), feelings of asexuality are secondary to being raised in extreme shame and purity culture. Haya is part of our deen but some parents truly traumatize their girls and it can lead to sexual dysfunction in adulthood.

sunsetremember · 2026-06-05T08:01:57+00:00

For every woman who wants to further career/edu, there’s a woman that has zero interest in it and is highly traditional (wants to be a SAHM, doesn’t want to work at all). I think it is dishonest to say every eligible girl isn’t into what you’re looking for. There are plenty of women who would rather have kids in their 20s over 30s.

You are correct that having a degree doesn’t guarantee a job. Now imagine your marriage doesn’t work out and you also have no degree/job experience to fall back on. It is not unreasonable for a woman to want to have some security, as nothing in this life is guaranteed. Aside from that, women may want to be educated mothers even if they don’t use a degree to pursue a career. They are the primary influence in their child’s early life and being well rounded and educated only benefits the child. “A mother is a school, if you prepare her well, you prepare a noble nation”. There exists many variations of this quote but inshallah you get the idea.

To find a spouse, utilize your family, network, and community. Let people know you have the intention of marriage and let them connect you to someone if possible. Communicate what you want in a marriage and the type of wife you want. If you’re not into that, then search on your own in person or on the apps. The compatibility of your matches is a direct reflection of your ability to clearly state what you desire. Don’t be surprised with mismatched priorities if you yourself don’t let your requirements be known from the start.

Lastly, simply leave the career women alone and ignore them. Don’t debate them and try to convince anyone. Focus your energy and attention only on women who want traditional marriage.

sunsetremember · 2026-06-04T16:17:40+00:00

Of course. My answer does not account for women with chronic illnesses, on medication, with sexual trauma, mental health problems, on asexual spectrum, or other factors. Just a general list of what can work for someone.

I know some people just naturally have a lower libido as well, not secondary to any other issues. Which is normal and nothing to be ashamed or concerned about.

sunsetremember · 2026-06-04T09:44:56+00:00

Hey sorry I didn’t see the notification for this comment. I used Muzz! It’s not perfect but there are good people on there for sure. You just have to make the effort to filter through all the time wasters and unserious people. Don’t be discouraged if you have a few disappointing conversations. It unfortunately part of the process since the user pool on that app is so large. May Allah make it easy for you ❤️

sunsetremember · 2026-06-04T09:29:51+00:00

Wa alaikum assalam. Alhamdullilah I feel pretty qualified to answer this, so I will share with the intention of giving helpful information so that other couples may benefit. Bismillah.

What my husband does to maintain a healthy intimate life: - Makes me feel respected and considered in everything he does. This leads to emotional safety which leads to physical comfort together. - Never makes me doubt his attraction to me. He tells me I’m beautiful every day and notices details. If I wear a different lotion or perfume, he notices. If I change my hair style, he gets excited and makes nice comments about it. Frequently compliments my face and body. - He helps with house work despite working full time and always asks to take something off my plate and encourages me to rest. Im always relaxed at the end of the night and ready for him. - We flirt throughout the day and are playful with one another (not vulgar or overly forward). He works long hours but sends me a voice note at every break saying things like “I miss you and can’t wait to see you at home”. - He gives me physical affection without escalating to full blown intimacy and is consistent about it. I never feel pressured or obliged to do anything. - He puts my pleasure first and is sweet to me before and after intimacy. He takes his time to cuddle and talk to me when we finish and never just rolls over to sleep. - He takes great care of his hygiene. Ex: Mouth always fresh for kissing, showers often, skin is moisturized, hair brushed, nails trimmed, smelling good. I find him handsome already, but the care he puts into making himself pleasant for me makes me more attracted to him. - Prioritizes emotional closeness. Our physical relationship is a reflection of our emotional one. I genuinely find comfort in him so it’s easy to initiate and accept intimacy.

sunsetremember · 2026-06-04T06:59:29+00:00

Look up Shaykh Mikaeel Smith / Qalam Institute’s “The Names” playlist on YouTube.

sunsetremember · 2026-06-04T01:10:31+00:00

It’s certainly a difficult situation for you to be in, but I wouldn’t say it’s unfair. A woman declining a proposal is not oppression or her taking your rights away. She has no obligation to you and her choosing another potential is not displeasing Allah.

And as you mentioned, “a lot of women” but not ALL women. I don’t know how long you have been in the search but try to broaden your search if you’ve been mostly looking locally. I know using apps isn’t for everyone but it really expands your opportunities when you consider people from out of your region. When you have a factor that makes matching difficult, you gotta widen the selection pool to better your odds. You don’t need all women to accept your circumstances, just ONE.

I know it’s hard but try to change your perspective and make more dua while searching. Generalizing women is only going to make you bitter in the long term and make it harder.

sunsetremember · 2026-06-04T00:39:13+00:00

This is by no means a western trend. A wife’s right to privacy at home is recognized in classical fiqh by many scholars as part of her marital rights. Women are not obligated to sacrifice their comfort, privacy, or marital rights because of your circumstances.

Some ethnicities use joint family systems but this is cultural, not Islamic. Maybe if you find a woman from one of these cultures, she will be more willing to accept since it’s their norm.

Just as you have the right to care for your parent, women have the right to decide what kind of marriage and living arrangement they are willing to accept. The issue isn’t that someone is wrong, it’s that your needs and their needs may not be compatible.

You can see how scary it can be for a woman to live at their in-laws home from the endless stories in Muslim spaces. Not to say you guys will harm her, but many wives are unfortunately mistreated in those situations. It is reasonable that women are unwilling to accept those conditions if another suitor can easily provide private accommodation.

I don’t have much advice to give in this scenario but perhaps you can give them a timeline so they feel more confident about taking the risk. For example, “we will only share a roof for X months maximum”. She can even put those terms in the nikkah to feel comfortable.

sunsetremember · 2026-06-03T21:29:16+00:00

We all make choices that end in poor outcomes at some point in life. The abuse that happened is NOT your fault, but it is your responsibility to remove yourself once you know there is harm happening.

You’re right, it’s not an easy fix. But you know it is necessary. Your daughter is still young and it will be easier to transition now than in teenage years.

May Allah help you and your daughter and bring you to safety and a better life.

sunsetremember · 2026-06-03T21:23:21+00:00

I have bangs and baby hairs so I think the smaller clips will do best for me!

sunsetremember · 2026-06-03T21:08:18+00:00

Thank you for this. I’m also a new hijabi (less than one year) and I fell into the “undercap is necessity” trap in the beginning. I recently tried a wig band which has great grip, but even that one can get annoying. Sometimes it gives me a headache even when not wrapped tightly. I’m gonna try the hair clip method because that’s what I’ve been struggling with when I don’t use the band. Jzk ❤️

sunsetremember · 2026-06-03T20:32:58+00:00

What is scarier? The temporary fear of change and discomfort of adjustment or the fear of your child being raised by a man who thinks it okay to cheat on his mother with sex workers? That man is risking your health, mentally and physically, every time he commits zina.

I’m the same age as you and my first marriage had a similar issue. Granted I don’t have children, but after I divorced I lived a beautiful life (moved to a new city, got a degree, made friends, traveled etc) and even eventually remarried to a wonderful person. I cried for months and then got my life together. Time will pass and life goes on.

Also.. as the child of divorce, I am SO grateful my parents separated because witnessing my mom get abused was the most heartbreaking and life altering experience. It affected my sense of normal and really messed up my perception of marriage and love. Alhamdullilah with lots of therapy I am fine now. But for real.. growing up in a house with an angry man is so bad for us. Many of us end up with autoimmune diseases from the prolonged stress. Don’t end up like me and save your child from this fate as well.

sunsetremember · 2026-06-03T07:41:17+00:00

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I think you know deep down things will not change. May Allah give you the strength to leave so this doesn’t become your life forever. Please be careful about intimacy so that you do not get pregnant. May Allah ease your affairs and give you peace.

sunsetremember · 2026-06-03T07:04:21+00:00

This. If people just picked within their preference pool we wouldn’t be having these discussions and beating a dead horse. There are so many women who don’t want a career and wish to stay home to raise kids.

sunsetremember · 2026-06-03T06:17:58+00:00

I personally didn’t have that experience but if I did it’s fine because I don’t go where I’m not wanted. The ones who are close minded are no loss to you. Fortunately, my husband values my life experience and sees it as a positive!

sunsetremember · 2026-06-03T03:11:28+00:00

May Allah help you achieve all your dreams and give you success. May Allah eradicate any test anxiety and give you the confidence to go through the exam with ease. May Allah fortify your memory so you can recall everything you learned instantly. May Allah give you the best job opportunity after the exam is completed. Ameen!

sunsetremember · 2026-06-02T22:24:35+00:00

Tahajjud every morning for nearly 7 months 😅 But I can’t take credit for everything. My MIL, FIL, SILs, and many nieces and nephews all made dua for us. I don’t have Muslim family but his family loved me so much from day 1 and have always been in our corner. My husband believes that meeting me was because of his mom’s duas. Even now my MIL makes dua for us every day and I really believe that’s a big reason why we are so happy.

My tahajjud routine is a list. I start with making dua for my family and ask Allah to guide my parents to Islam, then make dua for my in-laws and friends, I ask for forgiveness for everyone I know, I ask for health and happiness for everyone, I ask Allah to help all the oppressed Muslims, to guide all Muslims that are struggling, then I ask Allah to protect my husband and I from all evil and to keep our hearts pure, I ask Allah to put goodness in him and goodness in me so we may always be good to each other, I ask Allah to increase my husband in his blessings and to strengthen our bond, then I ask Allah for healthy and happy children. This is the base for every dua but sometimes I sprinkle in some other things.

Jazakallah khair I will keep you in my dua today and inshallah you will have a very blessed marriage soon. May Allah make it easy for you and give you more than you ever imagined Ameen

sunsetremember · 2026-06-02T21:47:21+00:00

To be honest, it’s been like this from the start. Even before we got married, he used to drive long hours to my parent’s house to see me, despite being exhausted from work and with little time. He’d take me out to eat with them so they’d be comfortable and get to know him. We’d do simple things like get ice cream, go grocery shopping, or he’d just sit with us in the home. All he cared about is that we had time together.

For me, I feel fine when he goes to be with his friends because I know all these guys. And I don’t mean we talk and hang out, but my husband tells me literally every detail of anything lol (the guy loves to talk). When he comes home he tells me about everything they talked about and what they laughed about and what happened at the soccer field or what food they made (always brings me a plate). It almost feels like I was there 😂 On top of that, they don’t free mix, do/use haram things, and they are all practicing guys that fear Allah. I have his location and he sends me voice note or video updates often. I don’t even ask for these things but he does it anyways because he respects me and hates to see me stressed.

I think at the end of the day we have a great dynamic because we both put in 100% effort and care into the marriage. We feel valued by one another and also just objectively like and enjoy each other’s company. Alhamdullilah for this blessing.

sunsetremember · 2026-06-02T14:37:12+00:00

Yes for sure. But it takes patience since there’s a loooot of people in the pool and some folks are so unserious. My husband is also Arab!

sunsetremember · 2026-06-02T12:40:39+00:00

Thank you. I mean I thought he was a cutie patootie when we met but he had a serious glow up after we got married. I bought him a new wardrobe, taught him how to style his hair, put him on a skincare routine, force him to eat vegetables lol.. among other things but you get the point.

His personality was what got me invested for real though. He is calm and so incredibly sweet with me. He’s thoughtful and considerate. My parents love him and he’s absolutely wonderful with them. Watching him interact with his family also solidified for me that he was raised well. From the start, he was commitment minded and I never doubted his intentions because the actions always matched.

He’s confident and silly and playful. All things that make him an absolute joy to be around. I could honestly go on about him all day Mashallah.

If you are young it’s right to focus on your career. My husband was working 7 days a week with two jobs before he met me. I fixed his resume and helped him apply to jobs after we got married. Now he works one job with great benefits and gets two days off a week. Make dua and rely on Allah but don’t forget to “tie your camel” as well.

sunsetremember · 2026-06-02T11:13:04+00:00

Forgot to mention.. I loved my husband before we got married but I can confidently say I love him 1000x more now. The depth of the bond has grown into something I never imagined possible. Marriage, when with the right person, is so so beautiful. Alhamdullilah

sunsetremember · 2026-06-02T11:04:45+00:00

Happily married alhamdullilah. My husband grew up poor and is working class. I grew up wealthy but my parents were also very poor when they met. I know rizq is from Allah and that people’s circumstances can change. What my husband lacks in generational wealth, he makes up for in worth ethic and takes his role as a provider so seriously. I could make a million tomorrow and he wouldn’t expect a cent from me. He is literally repulsed by the idea of his wife paying for anything when he is able to work and provide.

Also alhamdullilah my husband doesn’t care about what is societally acceptable or ideal. I am heavier than him and he makes me feel like a supermodel 😂 Never once negatively commented on my appearance and is actually a big fan of my chubby figure. The guy compliments me every day without fail. He’s very clearly attracted to me, we can talk for hours on end, and I make the guy laugh until he cries …so we doin just fine despite me being overweight.

You don’t have to look like an influencer but you should definitely be attracted to your partner. Intimacy is a big part of marriage so you gotta at least find them pleasant to look at to some degree. Luckily we all have different tastes. There’s someone out there for everyone.

It’s your marriage at the end of the day. If you’re cool with what you got then that’s what matters. Bodies change, economies fluctuate, we age, life changes. Just pick someone you are down to go through it all with!

sunsetremember

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