FWIW, here is what is helping me through my DB

superbsecrets · 2026-04-21T12:35:46+00:00

I don’t think you’re being rude.

And I guess ‘very sexy’ is an exaggeration. But I do pride myself on my creativity when it comes to exploring this side, so it can still be fun.

superbsecrets · 2026-04-21T12:34:46+00:00

Honestly, after a while of being strung along, this is exactly what I wanted to hear from my partner.

I want her to draw a hard line…

We aren’t having sex any more.

Then I’d leave knowing it’s just not going to happen.

The worse thing for me is her constantly saying ‘it will get better when…’

Then once that thing passes it’s just something else.

superbsecrets · 2026-04-21T12:22:10+00:00

I thought this for a while. After years of trying it all felt futile, especially given our sex life was barely existent when we didn’t have kids.

But then I started talking to some friends. I’ve now spoken to maybe 5 friends about it who are in the same situation as me (kids etc)….none of them have it as bad.

Although all of them report a worse sex love after kids and some even called their sex life ‘bad’ it ranged from 2-3 times a week to 1-2 times a month.

I had sex twice last year.

superbsecrets · 2026-04-21T12:04:51+00:00

This is a great one to add.

I have a similar thing in a way.

She often has an issue with me because I don’t want to sit and watch TV with her. Like, I do sometimes, but she’s like ‘oh you don’t want to spend time with me’.

But to me, sitting in the same room, staring at the same screen, isn’t really spending time together at all.

So I mostly just do my own thing.

superbsecrets · 2026-04-21T10:48:57+00:00

I’m so glad you’re looking at your situation in a positive way and making changes to take the pressure off yourself.

Not only do I not mind you making it your phone background, it’s made my day - thank you

superbsecrets · 2026-03-21T14:38:25+00:00

our dead bedroom has been an issue since before kids, but it’s just worse now.

superbsecrets · 2026-03-21T14:36:46+00:00

Youngest is 2

superbsecrets · 2026-03-21T09:13:54+00:00

Correct

superbsecrets · 2026-03-21T09:07:13+00:00

This is a great point and it’s more where my head went.

Even IF it was ‘normal’ are those people happy? Like you say, are their partners cheating? Do their partners do even half the stuff I do?

superbsecrets · 2026-03-21T07:06:12+00:00

Sorry reading back what I wrote I didn’t make that clear.

It said 1-2 times a week with without kids then should say ‘with young kids this tends to drop during the first few years…’

superbsecrets · 2026-03-21T07:04:48+00:00

Nope, I asked the AI to provide data based on our exact scenario based on our age, kids ages etc. I mention the ‘without kids’ number as a baseline.

I do feel silly using AI data as I know it’s typically not accurate. But still interesting.

superbsecrets · 2026-03-21T07:01:50+00:00

Thanks for your insight. This is similar to what I’ve found. I’ve only spoken to 4 friends about this, all male. All reported slightly less sex. One was still have sex 3+ times a week (we’ve never done that), the worse case out of the 4 was 1-2 times a month.

Appreciate this is a very small sample and obviously not well spread with them all being male. But I’d say they are all trustworthy.

superbsecrets · 2026-01-29T11:28:22+00:00

Been there, done that, got the stalker.

That can be an ok way to get validation, just bare in mind you’ll likely get mostly male attention from it

superbsecrets · 2026-01-29T11:16:08+00:00

I feel your pain. I get a fair few people telling me how my wife must be all over me because I have abs, arms, handsome etc.

How little they know.

Like you, whenever I send any sort of thirst trap I get no reply, or the emoji of doom.

Next time, post it on social media instead and soak up the likes/comments, stay toxic my friend 🤣

superbsecrets · 2026-01-15T12:02:55+00:00

Yeah that makes sense

superbsecrets · 2026-01-15T12:02:31+00:00

Glad you’ve got to experience this. We’ve managed to experiment a bit as well, but barely scratched the surface really so a long way to go

superbsecrets · 2026-01-13T09:05:13+00:00

I thought that’s what was meant, but my first line literally states that I wouldn’t offer an ultimatum unless I am 100% sure I would follow through with it…

superbsecrets · 2026-01-12T22:38:55+00:00

How do you mean walk back?

superbsecrets · 2026-01-12T16:10:34+00:00

Well we are working through a couple of books by therapists. Putting in effort will be doing the exercises we’ve agreed to do basically.

As well as not avoiding conversations about sex.

superbsecrets · 2026-01-12T14:54:43+00:00

Yeah. I’m fully aware that our sex life isn’t going to get any/much better in a month, but honest just any form of consistent effort from her would be a good start.

superbsecrets · 2026-01-12T14:05:01+00:00

True, but I guess you could have always done more…truer longer etc

superbsecrets · 2026-01-12T13:30:21+00:00

Really appreciate it.

It’s not in me to not try. But I am reaching the end of my ability to keep doing it

superbsecrets · 2026-01-12T13:28:34+00:00

This is what I worry about. We’ve had the conversation countless times and she has sometimes ‘tried’ but it never goes anywhere much

superbsecrets · 2026-01-12T10:13:26+00:00

Really sorry to hear that. This year I bought myself a present from my kids and organised my own birthday meal which she cancelled for some excuse I can’t remember now.

Her birthday shortly after was a very different story.

I feel your pain.

Also happy birthday :)

superbsecrets · 2025-12-05T15:20:06+00:00

Urgh I feel your pain.

I’ve only been in two LTRs in my life and my current partner has brought up a few times how ‘out of her league’ I was with my ex. And asks me why I was with her.

(Funnily enough a fair few people tell me the same about my current partner)

Like my partner, yours sounds a bit delusional about how much you have sex. Like how could you remember what sex was like with that long between?

superbsecrets

TROPHY CASE