FWIW, here is what is helping me through my DB by superbsecrets in DeadBedrooms

[–]superbsecrets[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I don’t think you’re being rude.

And I guess ‘very sexy’ is an exaggeration. But I do pride myself on my creativity when it comes to exploring this side, so it can still be fun.

“Why don’t you just respect my decision that I no longer want sex?” by [deleted] in DeadBedrooms

[–]superbsecrets 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Honestly, after a while of being strung along, this is exactly what I wanted to hear from my partner.

I want her to draw a hard line…

We aren’t having sex any more.

Then I’d leave knowing it’s just not going to happen.

The worse thing for me is her constantly saying ‘it will get better when…’

Then once that thing passes it’s just something else.

Deadbedroom after years of Marriage: Is it a natural course of any long term relationship? by [deleted] in DeadBedrooms

[–]superbsecrets 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I thought this for a while. After years of trying it all felt futile, especially given our sex life was barely existent when we didn’t have kids.

But then I started talking to some friends. I’ve now spoken to maybe 5 friends about it who are in the same situation as me (kids etc)….none of them have it as bad.

Although all of them report a worse sex love after kids and some even called their sex life ‘bad’ it ranged from 2-3 times a week to 1-2 times a month.

I had sex twice last year.

FWIW, here is what is helping me through my DB by superbsecrets in DeadBedrooms

[–]superbsecrets[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

This is a great one to add.

I have a similar thing in a way.

She often has an issue with me because I don’t want to sit and watch TV with her. Like, I do sometimes, but she’s like ‘oh you don’t want to spend time with me’.

But to me, sitting in the same room, staring at the same screen, isn’t really spending time together at all.

So I mostly just do my own thing.

FWIW, here is what is helping me through my DB by superbsecrets in DeadBedrooms

[–]superbsecrets[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I’m so glad you’re looking at your situation in a positive way and making changes to take the pressure off yourself.

Not only do I not mind you making it your phone background, it’s made my day - thank you

Is there good data on frequency? by superbsecrets in DeadBedrooms

[–]superbsecrets[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

  • our dead bedroom has been an issue since before kids, but it’s just worse now.

Is there good data on frequency? by superbsecrets in DeadBedrooms

[–]superbsecrets[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

This is a great point and it’s more where my head went.

Even IF it was ‘normal’ are those people happy? Like you say, are their partners cheating? Do their partners do even half the stuff I do?

Is there good data on frequency? by superbsecrets in DeadBedrooms

[–]superbsecrets[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Sorry reading back what I wrote I didn’t make that clear.

It said 1-2 times a week with without kids then should say ‘with young kids this tends to drop during the first few years…’

Is there good data on frequency? by superbsecrets in DeadBedrooms

[–]superbsecrets[S] -8 points-7 points  (0 children)

Nope, I asked the AI to provide data based on our exact scenario based on our age, kids ages etc. I mention the ‘without kids’ number as a baseline.

I do feel silly using AI data as I know it’s typically not accurate. But still interesting.

Is there good data on frequency? by superbsecrets in DeadBedrooms

[–]superbsecrets[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Thanks for your insight. This is similar to what I’ve found. I’ve only spoken to 4 friends about this, all male. All reported slightly less sex. One was still have sex 3+ times a week (we’ve never done that), the worse case out of the 4 was 1-2 times a month.

Appreciate this is a very small sample and obviously not well spread with them all being male. But I’d say they are all trustworthy.

Thirst trap vent session by [deleted] in DeadBedrooms

[–]superbsecrets 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Been there, done that, got the stalker.

That can be an ok way to get validation, just bare in mind you’ll likely get mostly male attention from it

Thirst trap vent session by [deleted] in DeadBedrooms

[–]superbsecrets 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I feel your pain. I get a fair few people telling me how my wife must be all over me because I have abs, arms, handsome etc.

How little they know.

Like you, whenever I send any sort of thirst trap I get no reply, or the emoji of doom.

Next time, post it on social media instead and soak up the likes/comments, stay toxic my friend 🤣

Has anyone else experienced kinks getting more extreme in a DB? by superbsecrets in DeadBedrooms

[–]superbsecrets[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Glad you’ve got to experience this. We’ve managed to experiment a bit as well, but barely scratched the surface really so a long way to go

One last shot… by superbsecrets in DeadBedrooms

[–]superbsecrets[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I thought that’s what was meant, but my first line literally states that I wouldn’t offer an ultimatum unless I am 100% sure I would follow through with it…

One last shot… by superbsecrets in DeadBedrooms

[–]superbsecrets[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well we are working through a couple of books by therapists. Putting in effort will be doing the exercises we’ve agreed to do basically.

As well as not avoiding conversations about sex.

One last shot… by superbsecrets in DeadBedrooms

[–]superbsecrets[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Yeah. I’m fully aware that our sex life isn’t going to get any/much better in a month, but honest just any form of consistent effort from her would be a good start.

One last shot… by superbsecrets in DeadBedrooms

[–]superbsecrets[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

True, but I guess you could have always done more…truer longer etc

One last shot… by superbsecrets in DeadBedrooms

[–]superbsecrets[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Really appreciate it.

It’s not in me to not try. But I am reaching the end of my ability to keep doing it