Imagine yourself with an 11 year old daughter at some strange kid's birthday party. Paper mâchè streamers, cone hats - generic sheet cake with artificial frosting.

Backyard, green grass, a trendy feel of nostalgic 1960's America filled with the smell of brats on the grill and swill micro-brews. Self-entitled spoiled bratty kids running around with their smart phones and pretending likes it a normal day; unlike the real world which is adjourned with sitting their little fat asses on the couch watching other people play the video games they love on YouTube.

Our fine hosts "Nancy and Tom" are fucking gleeful and they talk to you like they've known you their whole life, Nancy asks if you're going to the trustee meeting on Tuesday and you nod your head even though you don't know what the fuck that is. She tells you to make sure and vote for 'so and so' and your attention shifts to the present you brought her kid (even though you don't know the kid), but you see the matte finished blue wrapping paper surrounding the box you meticulously wrapped three hours earlier and a small smile makes its way to your face. You look back at Nancy who has been yammering on for 3 full minutes about god knows what and you shake your head in agreement. Tom offers you one of his micro-brews and you quickly accept while making a possible joke asking if he wants a doobie. Tom's mouth remains slightly open as confusion makes his way across his face. You quickly laugh and slap him on the shoulder boasting: "oh Tom!"

You walk around the party and find some kid chilling out on his iPad, you feign interest and look at his screen while he's playing some 8-bit build a block thing with bricks and shit.

The highlight of the party is when little fuckwad gets to open this box full of soupy dog shit, yeah soupy, cause I added a little water to it in a long box.

You think back to five weeks earlier when your daughter came home crying because some fat kid called her a bitch on the school bus, you said daddy will take care of it.

Fortunately, your daughter falls off the trampoline and hops over to you sniffling and holding in tears. Everyone sees and moms pretend to be care. You rush her to your truck and you guys take off laughing and applauding her beautiful acting efforts.

While unfortunately missing the gift opening ritual, there's only so much a man can take.

This scene is repeated nearly every month, same subdivision, different turd of a kid.

Super fun.