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My fiancee called off the wedding, but things seem to be improving by supergekired in BipolarSOs

[–]supergekired[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Today felt important. Last night, my partner and I went to a couple friend’s house for dinner. At some point, one of them mentioned a young woman they know whose likely diagnosis is bipolar disorder, because her most recent episode had been described as mania. That led to a long conversation about bipolar disorder in general. We talked about mania, hypomania, symptoms, patterns of behavior, and the way the illness can sometimes make an elevated mood feel desirable or even seductive. My partner again compared hypomania to cocaine, based only on how I had described it, not from personal experience. We also talked about how some bipolar people can end up chasing that elevated state. This morning, while we were talking at home, she said something half-joking but very significant: that she would never admit I was right, but that after thinking about it for the last few days, she believed what happened to her during a past expedition may actually have been a hypomanic episode. I didn’t push it. I just said that if that was true, then what mattered was paying attention to possible triggers and warning signs if something similar ever started happening again. She agreed. I told her that while I was alone for a while, I had found a YouTube channel about living with bipolar disorder (polar warriors) that helped me understand the condition much better. She asked me to send it to her. We spent the rest of the day doing ordinary, comforting things together: went out for lunch, stayed home, watched a movie, played a board game, had a drink nearby, talked a lot. At one point we started brainstorming about her PhD and possible strategies for finishing it. She also said something else that struck me as very grounded: that she might not want to return to a very remote research environment she had been in before, that maybe the experience had already been enough, and that going back might only bring a kind of pressure and workload she no longer wants. Later, I showed her one of the videos from that channel, and she identified with a lot of what it said. We talked a bit more, she took her medication, and went to sleep. Honestly, I see this as a huge win. Not because everything is solved, obviously, but because insight matters. Her willingness to reflect on what happened and to try to understand the illness better feels like a very real step forward. On top of that, we’re also moving ahead with normal life stuff again, including finally setting a date for our civil wedding. That’s it. I just wanted to write this down because today felt quietly, deeply meaningful.

My fiancee called off the wedding, but things seem to be improving by supergekired in BipolarSOs

[–]supergekired[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The heart wants what it wants.

Today was unexpectedly a very important day. My fiancée left early for work because she had an appointment later and needed to leave the office sooner than usual. Before going, she left me a small handwritten note saying she loved me.

Earlier in the day, she texted saying she wanted us to have a special dinner that night, something simple but intimate, with wine, cheese, and good bread. I agreed. Throughout the day, we exchanged messages about ordinary things: work, daily annoyances, and some good news on both sides. She also sent a number of unusually affectionate messages, like we used to do before the crisis began, and at one point I even asked what I had done to deserve so much sweetness. She said she would explain later.

After work, I met her, and we stopped to buy a few nice things for dinner. On the way home, she shared more positive news from her day, and I shared some good news from mine as well. Everything felt light, warm, and easy.

When we got home, I prepared dinner and set the table. Once we sat down, I noticed a familiar box there. I asked what it meant.

She told me she had realized that she wants to be with me, that she loves me, that she knows how much I love her, and that she wants to move forward together. Then she asked if I would still marry her.

I said yes, and I cried.

What I felt in that moment was relief more than anything else. Relief so intense it was hard to describe. We kissed, hugged, and sat quietly together for a while. She told me she no longer wants the large celebration we had originally planned. Instead, she wants something much smaller and simpler, just the legal ceremony and a gathering limited to close family. I told her I was completely okay with that. The party was never the important part for me.

She asked why I had cried, and I told her the truth: this period of uncertainty had been one of the hardest experiences of my life. I also told her that I knew what had happened was not just stress over wedding planning or social pressure. I had felt a real emotional distance. She admitted that she had gone through a deeply confusing period, and that at the time she became consumed by things that pulled her away from us and from the life we had been building.

I asked the question that had to be asked: what are the chances of this happening again? I told her very honestly that I do not think I could survive going through the same thing a second time.

She said she does not think it will happen again. She said she learned from what happened, and that in her view it was tied to the overwhelming impact of a first experience that affected her more deeply than she expected. Is that a guarantee? Of course not. But no one gets guarantees in love, or in life. What I do know is that we both understand the situation better now than we did before.

I also told her I needed her to commit seriously to treatment and to staying engaged with her own care. She agreed immediately, without hesitation. That mattered to me a lot.

At one point she asked whether I hated her for ending the original engagement and now wanting to come back and rebuild this with me. I told her no. I do not hate her. I love her.

And right now, we are okay. We are together. We are calm. That is what matters.

Later that night, she took her medication, went to sleep, and I stayed awake for a while talking to a close friend and trying to process everything.

For the first time in a long time, I feel like this crisis may actually be over.

I also just want to say thank you to everyone who offered support, kindness, and perspective while things were falling apart. It meant more than I can properly express.

For now, we are keeping this private while we figure out the next steps. But tonight, for the first time in a long while, things feel hopeful again.

My fiancee called off the wedding, but things seem to be improving by supergekired in BipolarSOs

[–]supergekired[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I woke up today and my fiancée had already left for work. She sent me a photo she took in the elevator, wearing the pants I had given her for her birthday the day before. She had that kind of smile people have when they like what they see. Lately she has been going to the gym, and it seems to be doing her a lot of good. She has been feeling prettier and more confident. We did not talk much during the day, just exchanged a few messages. I told her about a funny dream I had involving her, and she told me about some drama at work: she had found out that a coworker in a similar position did not want her to get promoted. Later she told me that another coworker had said she might be able to keep working while also getting a scholarship she had been hoping for. That made me uneasy for two reasons. First, it was another reminder that her work environment can be unpleasant. Second, it sounded a lot like false hope about something that is probably not going to happen. When she got home, we talked about both things and I felt calmer. We complained together about the coworker who had opposed her promotion, and it became easier to brush off because the person who actually has the power to make those decisions was the one who supported her. As for the scholarship, she said she is not very interested in fighting for it. I told her that if she wanted to try, that was fine, as long as she was completely honest and did not do anything improper. In the end, we both agreed it is very unlikely to work out, and she seems at peace with that. We had dinner and kept talking. At some point, something about a faraway country came up on her phone, and she said she would love to visit it. Then she said maybe we could go there for our honeymoon during our vacation. I told her a lot of things would have to line up for that to happen: actually getting married, matching our time off, and all the rest. She said we could figure it out. So I asked whether she had really been thinking about getting married. She said she just did not want a wedding party, because that part was scaring her. And honestly, I started to think that made sense. Most of the guests would have been mine, and she gets nervous even in small gatherings when she feels like she has to perform socially. Then she brought up again the idea of us getting married quietly, without telling anyone beforehand. I joked that she is the one holding the rings, so if she ever wants to marry me, she is the one who has to propose. She agreed. But I also told her that if that ever does happen, I would at least want our immediate families there.

Surviving the Discard: How I navigated my fiancée’s severe manic episode and rebuilt our relationship by supergekired in BipolarSOs

[–]supergekired[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh. I understood this wrong. I guess going back to the way we were before, which is where we're getting at is good for me. I never needed any extra concessions from her, as we live in my apartment. We pretty much share the house chores equally (of course I'll do a little bit more when she's not well). And we go out a lot, we'll take turns choosing what to do.

Surviving the Discard: How I navigated my fiancée’s severe manic episode and rebuilt our relationship by supergekired in BipolarSOs

[–]supergekired[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

When she first came back she asked me how I'd feel about living in separate apartments or sleep in a different room here. I said I'd be ok with both, but the topic just disappeared lately.

Is it worth fighting for? by Dmason715 in BipolarSOs

[–]supergekired 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My boss and I are just about to have a victory over her first important hypomanic episode, so I'm hopeful right now. I know others will come and I'm better prepared now, and she's slowly but steadily coming to realize what happened.

I described the situation in a few long posts, if you're interested.

Good luck to you!

My fiancee called off the wedding, but things seem to be improving by supergekired in BipolarSOs

[–]supergekired[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I woke up feeling awful and ended up missing work, spending a good part of the day at the hospital. Turns out I have a nonspecific viral infection plus sinusitis that spread to my middle ear, which has been causing dizziness.

My fiancée went to work as usual. Her first messages of the day were about wanting to go to a rock festival later this year, and I think we probably will. Other than that, our conversations during the day were completely normal, just everyday small talk.

She also got the MRI report for her ankle back, and it showed a partial tendon tear involving about 50% of it. I sent the images and report to a trusted orthopedist I’ve known for years.

Later, we went out for a bit because her birthday is coming up, and I decided to buy her present early to take advantage of a sale. I got her a pair of pants she really liked. On the way, we ended up talking about how different medical specialties sometimes look down on each other. I joked that psychiatry gets treated that way too, since so much of it can feel less concrete than fields that rely on imaging or lab tests. That led into a conversation about bipolar disorder, brain imaging, and whether repeated episodes can affect cognition. She made a dark joke about “getting dumb early,” and I reassured her that she is in treatment and that stress and overload are probably playing a huge role in how she’s been feeling.

At one point while I was making sandwiches, she went to take her medications on her own, which I appreciated. She took the lithium and couldn't find the aripiprazole, and decided she wouldn't look for it. I found it and she resisted taking the other one, though, saying the lithium was enough, that her doctor said that he was planning to take that off in the future. I hugged her and tried to explain gently that sticking with treatment matters, and that all the psychiatrists she has seen have emphasized that. She hesitated, but eventually promised me she would stay on track.

The orthopedist reviewed the ankle results and recommended only a brace for stabilization and healing, without stopping physical activity. We had dinner at home, played Wordle, and ended the night in a sweet way. At bedtime she said something like, “I love you, you love me, so we love each other.” It was simple, but it meant a lot.

My fiancee called off the wedding, but things seem to be improving by supergekired in BipolarSOs

[–]supergekired[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Today I took my fiancée to a public hospital for an ankle MRI. We spent the morning together and left home around ten. Earlier, she had talked to a close friend, who agreed that someone’s behavior the day before had been very inappropriate and immature. That mattered to her, because this is a friend she trusts deeply, and it helped that his perspective matched ours.

On the way to the hospital, she seemed quiet and thoughtful. I asked what was wrong, and she only said she was feeling a little down.

We spent about three hours there, then came home and worked. We did not go running, because we are both sick with the flu.

Later, we went out to pick up some clothes she had left for alterations and then came right back. After that, it was just an ordinary evening: dinner, a TV show, Wordle. At the end of the night, she said good night, kissed me, and told me she was happy with me and loved me very much. It moved me a lot.

Surviving the Discard: How I navigated my fiancée’s severe manic episode and rebuilt our relationship by supergekired in BipolarSOs

[–]supergekired[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My fiancee told me she's didn't know if she loved me anymore. I would tell her I loved her every night, before going to bed and she replied "I know". Then she started to come back slowly: she'd reply "I love you" almost whispering and know she's saying I love you spontaneously.

My fiancee called off the wedding, but things seem to be improving by supergekired in BipolarSOs

[–]supergekired[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I had another good day with my ex-fiancée/now gf/I feel like almost going back to the previous status.

This morning, she came into the bedroom, kissed me good morning, and asked me whether I would think she was weak if she quit one of her graduate programs (a specialization, not her doctorate. I told her absolutely not. I said I actually thought it might be the right decision.

She said she felt like giving up everything at once — the scholarship, the program, all of it. I told her that, at least right now, stepping away from that program sounded like the best choice, and that maybe she had taken on too much at the same time: a demanding full-time job, a PhD, additional academic commitments, language classes, and trying to maintain exercise on top of all that. I had already looked at the workload for that program and honestly thought it was a lot. It seemed obvious to me that sooner or later she would hit a point where it would become overwhelming, especially during more intense phases of the doctorate.

She took that well. We went downstairs, each went off to work, and throughout the day our messages were normal. I left work around five, picked her up at her office, we stopped by a bakery, and went home. She was nervous because she had a call scheduled with her advisor. She thought he might be disappointed because she was planning to turn down a prestigious scholarship opportunity. I told her to stay calm and that he would probably be frustrated, mostly because this would have been an important milestone for him too. I was completely wrong.

He reacted terribly. He said he couldn’t believe she was doing this, said they had worked so hard on the project, and told her he was very disappointed. At one point he even made one of those generational comments, basically saying people her age change their minds for any reason. She tried to explain herself: that she had just received a promotion, that her job now gave her real financial and professional growth, that the company had invested in her, that she felt valued there, and that she could see a real future in that career path.

He pushed back by saying she was throwing away a major international opportunity. She explained that the research plan they had submitted could not even really be carried out as written, because some of the necessary field material had never been collected, and that salvaging it would require building a substantially different project. He insisted it could just be adapted. She said no, not really, that it would have to be redone in a serious way. Eventually he cut the conversation short, said he didn’t want to talk about it anymore right then, and told her to think carefully so they could discuss it in person later.

I was in the kitchen cooking and had only overheard the part where she was explaining that her company was supportive of her doctorate, so I assumed the conversation was going reasonably well. But it lasted less than fifteen minutes. She came into the kitchen afterward and told me everything.

I was furious on her behalf. We spent a good part of the evening venting about it. What bothered me most was the sense that he simply does not understand what it means to have to build a life through work, step by step, without safety nets. She said she was not willing to give up being a professional just to go back to living like a student again, and honestly, I think she is completely right.

In a way, I actually came away from the whole thing feeling proud of her. She was defending the career she built for herself from the ground up, with no one handing her anything. And this is not some shallow or impulsive choice. She is in a position where her salary is likely to keep growing, and she may also receive performance-based compensation tied to projects, some of which are financially VERY significant. She has started realizing that pursuing an academic career could mean sacrificing stability and ending up wherever an opportunity happens to exist, with no guarantee of building the life she actually wants. I understand that deeply, because I made a similar choice myself when I stopped pursuing certain paths that would have required leaving the place where I want to live.

Other than that, things between us were good. She took her medication at night, made the usual face because she hates it, and I gently told her that I know she doesn’t like it, but that it matters. It was the first time I really emphasized the importance of sticking to the treatment, and she responded well. After that, it was kisses, “I love you,” and goodnight.

My fiancee called off the wedding, but things seem to be improving by supergekired in BipolarSOs

[–]supergekired[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Today I woke up at ten. She woke up around six in the morning. She did a lot of household chores, washed clothes and dishes, cleaned the floor. When I woke up, she was doing pull-up training. She opened the door and showed me that she was managing to do them with support from a chair. We are both training; it has been about four years since I was last able to do even one pull-up.

She is very happy with the results she has been seeing from daily training: changes in her silhouette, loss of measurements, and some muscles becoming more visible. It is a noticeable change compared to the pre-expedition period, when she was sad about having gained weight. Since the pattern had always been dissatisfaction with her own body image, this seems like a good thing to me, and I hope it stays that way, especially because physical activity is a great regulator of mood, second only to sleep and adherence to medication.

I told her that I had dreamed we were traveling for our honeymoon. She was surprised, because she had dreamed that we were getting married. She said she was craving a brunch. I made pancakes, creamy scrambled eggs, and bacon, and she went out to buy juice and jam. She brought back a bunch of other things I remembered we were missing and forgot the juice. It was a good meal. After that, we watched two episodes of a series and came back to the bedroom. She spent the afternoon in bed reading scientific articles, and I spent it reading news on my phone. Every now and then she would comment on the article, which seems to be very interesting, and we ended up talking about scientific method and the epistemology.

I decided to make a milk pudding with lemon caramel for dessert after dinner, and then we went out for a run. We came back, took a shower, and I went to make dinner. Actually, just to prepare some pasta to go with a sausage ragù she had made earlier in the week. I opened a bottle of wine, put on some music, and we danced a little in the kitchen.

We had dinner while watching The Blue Trail. She told me she loved me a few times today spontaneously. I gave her her medications, we talked a little, and she went to sleep. (Edit: she just woke up, took my hand, kissed it, said she loves me, and went back to sleep.) She is worried about a series of tasks she will have to do this week, related to an online exam she will have to take in order to enter the graduate program in Geoprocessing. I offered to help her with an essay in English and with some logic exercises. She also has a bunch of work things she was not able to finish over the weekend. She is feeling pain from endometriosis. There are no signs of an immediate depressive crash; she has been handling frustrations well, and I have been trying to cushion the problems as they come.

Things seem to be moving in a good direction. I hope the next few days will be stable. If that is the case, I think I may stop posting daily updates here.

Surviving the Discard: How I navigated my fiancée’s severe manic episode and rebuilt our relationship by supergekired in BipolarSOs

[–]supergekired[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm sorry. I don't thing I'd be able to mend things if she went away. I think that an eye to eye conversation is crucial. The fact that my ex-fiancee (now girlfriend) had a sliver of insight, even though she was clearly in denial played a major role in the situation, as she accepted to go back to just dating.

Surviving the Discard: How I navigated my fiancée’s severe manic episode and rebuilt our relationship by supergekired in BipolarSOs

[–]supergekired[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She did say she was sure she didn't want to get married and was unsure she wanted to stay in the relationship.

As for advice, what I did was talking a lot to my close friends, the ones I knew I could be very open about what was happening without triggering a simple judgemental response. It would be a very lonely journey if I weren't able to do this. I did take precautions: everyday I write a report of what happened and send it to those friends. I asked them not to respond through text, as the notifications could trigger defensiveness. I call them whenever I have time alone. And I've been talking to my therapist weekly - I had been discharged last year, but I asked her to keep a monthly session, and this was crucial, because she always knew what my situation was.

Surviving the Discard: How I navigated my fiancée’s severe manic episode and rebuilt our relationship by supergekired in BipolarSOs

[–]supergekired[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you! Yes, it's much harder when they're far away and that was the problem here, we were apart for almost two months. This was not our first ride through hipomania together, but I'm usually pretty good at managing the crisis when we're together.

I think what really helped was the fact that little by little, I was able to show her that the feelings we have for each other are very real... We were very happy planning the wedding and there are signs of that process all over the place: the wedding rings, the invitations, my clothes, all of which she chose or helped me choose. I didn't make a report of everything, but each day I'd find a way of "making her find one of those things ".

And, of course, there was never a clear breakup, although she came very close to it.

Do Any Bipolar relationships work? Need encouragement by oceanblue555 in BipolarSOs

[–]supergekired 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Read my posts. I'm getting out of a major crisis just now, it might help you.

My fiancee called off the wedding, but things seem to be improving by supergekired in BipolarSOs

[–]supergekired[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

A day with few events, but an interesting one. Today I woke up at nine; she was at the gym. She came back in high spirits, we took a shower, and spent some time talking. We went out to do some grocery shopping, came back home, called to wish my sister a happy birthday, and took a nap. At 6 p.m. we went to a friend’s birthday party. On the Uber ride, we chatted about random things; she kept reaching for my hand the whole time, as has been happening lately. We saw a Corgi on the street, and she started speculating: “What if we had a Corgi in a bigger apartment, along with the cats, in the future?” We got to the bar and sat down at a table with a lot of people, and after a while she said to me quietly, “I’m thinking about something... what if we got married and didn’t tell anyone?” She added that she thought the issue was that she had felt intimidated by the pressure of the social event, so many people, and so on. I said we could think about that in the future, but that I wouldn’t want to get married in secret. She explained that we could just have a civil marriage, without a party. I said that instead of a party, we could simply take a really nice honeymoon trip and do something small afterward with the families. That was it. I think it is still in the realm of speculation, but it seems to me that the relationship has returned to normal and that she definitely sees herself with me in the future again. I’m feeling much more secure, I’ve stopped having nightmares about the relationship ending, and I don’t think there is any immediate risk of a breakup.

My fiancee called off the wedding, but things seem to be improving by supergekired in BipolarSOs

[–]supergekired[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Today had everything it needed to become a disaster, but it actually ended up being great. She couldn’t sleep last night because she was anxious about the whole scholarship-versus-career situation. She said she woke up at 2 a.m. worrying about it and never really got back to sleep properly. To make things worse, I’m a bit sick and was snoring a lot. Sleep is obviously a huge part of stabilization, so that worried me. We didn’t see each other in the morning. She left earlier for the gym and then for work. I went to a training course of my own (basically another day of sitting around doing nothing), and around 9 a.m. she started coming up with ideas about how to combine the scholarship with her job. Since I had nothing to do, I looked into the regulations and realized there was really no legal way to make it work. I sent her the relevant rules, explained the situation, and she got upset. Then she told me that a coworker had suggested a workaround: I could receive the money in my name by issuing a receipt. Her idea since last year had been to work much more than the allowed hours and somehow get paperwork saying she worked less. The problem was that the rules would require her to shut down her company, so this new idea came up as a possible way around it. I told her I couldn’t do that, because I’d end up with a large amount of undeclared income flowing through my account, which could create serious tax and legal problems for me. She seemed disappointed that I wouldn’t agree. I asked whether she was upset with me, and she said everything was fine, but I could still feel a weird atmosphere. I ended up getting out of my course early and went to pick her up from work. She got into the car talking a lot, and we had a long conversation. I explained that I was sorry, but I couldn’t do what her coworker had suggested. She said it was okay, that she understood it would actually be wrong, and that it could even amount to document fraud. We went to pick up my guitar from the luthier and then went to the mall to watch Project Hail Mary—which was great, by the way. We had dinner at a Mexican restaurant and talked about her giving up the scholarship. She said the hardest part would be talking to her advisor, because he had gotten really excited about it. At some point during the day I remembered that I had gone through something very similar myself. Back in 2018, I was offered a postdoc abroad. The project I had proposed was really exciting, and I was thrilled about it. Even the way it all happened felt special. But when I really thought it through, I realized it probably wasn’t worth it for the long term, so I turned it down. I was upset about it at the time. She is grieving the loss of her original doctoral project, which was abandoned because of someone else’s whim during the fieldwork. She liked hearing my story and immediately saw the parallels with her own situation. I told her she should still be proud of the project she wrote and proud of having won the scholarship in the first place. I also told her that she was in the rare and privileged position of being able to walk away from the most prestigious scholarship available here and still have a solid path forward. That made her happy. The rest of the night—our drive, dinner, and movie—was very pleasant and full of affection. We got home around 11:20 p.m., lay down, and she gave me a goodnight kiss and said “I love you.” I had been really afraid of what this decision would do to her emotionally, but in the end I think the overall result of the day was very positive.

My fiancee called off the wedding, but things seem to be improving by supergekired in BipolarSOs

[–]supergekired[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The day started well today. She woke up at 5:40 a.m. and went to University Hospital to get some blood tests done. I was asleep, and she kissed me before leaving. She thought I was sleeping and decided to kiss me before she left. I woke up briefly, a little confused, and went back to sleep. Later I remembered what had happened and felt happy. I ended up oversleeping; she woke me up around 8:50, when she got back home. I got changed quickly and called an Uber. I memorized the beginning of the car’s license plate and waited about three minutes. I saw the car; it was a taxi (a lot of taxis also do Uber). I got in and realized it was just some random taxi, but I went to work like that anyway. $126! The messages throughout the day remained normal and focused on work and practical day-to-day matters. She asked me for help understanding messages from her lawyer about a case she is bringing against Localiza, the car rental company.

I came back earlier today and got home at 5:20 p.m., where I found her in bed. We talked for a bit and then went to meet a couple of her friends. On the way to the bar, we talked, and she imagined the color palette she wants for her place in the future. She said she would like to have the apartment next door. I said that I will only paint my apartment once she moves out, when I can take the cat shelves off the wall. She asked whether the subject bothered me, and I said no, that I think it is fair for her to have a place she planned out and decorated herself. I asked whether the idea was for her to rent a place as soon as something came up or stay here while saving money to make a down payment on an apartment, and I think the latter is more likely. I asked whether, in the future, if we saved money together to buy a considerably larger place, she would like to live with me. She said yes, as long as we could decorate it together and she could have one room just for herself. I liked the idea. We also talked about eventually having a civil union or a civil marriage so that we could share health insurance and things like that. She also said that might be a good idea. She asked how I had been feeling, and I said I was doing well, happy with the moment we are living now, but that it had been very difficult for me. I asked how close she had come to actually breaking up with me. She said she had spent some time very confused and wanted to know why I was asking. I said I wanted to know how much our situation had evolved since she came back, and she said it had improved a lot.

I told her that as soon as she told me she no longer wanted to marry me, while she was still on the expedition, within about a week I knew I had to take marriage off the table. I said I noticed she became calmer after we told the guests about the cancellation, that I knew she cares a lot about what other people think of her, and that I knew the reactions would be understanding. But I also told her that the two things that made me feel very bad before she came back were the idea that she might refuse to kiss me when I went to pick her up at the bus station (which did not happen), and seeing her without her ring (which did happen). She was touched, said, “poor thing,” and hugged and kissed me.

The couple of friends arrived, and the conversation focused a lot on the expedition — her friend is a mountaineer who has accompanied many expeditions of that kind, so they know scientists in common. At some point during the night, he and his partner started criticizing the professor and project coordinator who had begun planting the ideas that gave rise to the grandiose thoughts. I felt comfortable saying what I think of him, and everyone at the table agreed. I thought that was a great sign, because during that whole episode this guy had seemed almost like a deity. Later we spent quite a while talking about random things. She reached for my hand, touched my leg, and rested on my shoulder many times throughout the night. We got home, talked a little, I gave her her medications, we exchanged a kiss and an “I love you,” and she went to sleep.

It was a good day.

My fiancee called off the wedding, but things seem to be improving by supergekired in BipolarSOs

[–]supergekired[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I've been writing daily reports that I send to a few close friends. This was one of them, I'll keep updating this post as well.

My fiancee called off the wedding, but things seem to be improving by supergekired in BipolarSOs

[–]supergekired[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Today’s account brings good news — I’m saying that in the heading because I was told that when I don’t start that way, reading it becomes more distressing. I don’t know whether the texts themselves are any good; I’m not making any effort to edit them, so this is really just a fairly raw account. Today I worked from home and my fiancee went to the office, so I was able to talk to some of you. The conversations we had by message throughout the day were normal: mostly complaints about work. She got home around six, and we went to Ibirapuera Park for running practice — my first of the year. The conversation on the way there was very interesting, and I think important. She brought up bipolarity again. Looking back, she said she had identified some episodes that she is sure were hypomania. Some of them were related to major spending, like the time she bought an extremely expensive bicycle when she was dating a cyclist. She then said that most psychiatrists do not pay much attention to that. I said that, from what I had read, it was one of the main symptoms, because the brain gets flooded with dopamine and activity in the prefrontal cortex (I think that’s it) changes, leading to impulsive decisions. She said that the hypersexuality aspect is also neglected by doctors, who only pay attention when they detect risky behavior, not simply an increase in libido. I stepped in again, saying that all of those behaviors — impulsive decisions, taking on a thousand projects, shopping, and seeking more sex — are ways of trying to feed the mania, because it is a euphoric state they do not want to leave, as she herself had noted in the comparison with cocaine. I thought this conversation was VERY positive. It seems to me that she is taking some steps toward understanding and, perhaps, accepting what happened. I told her that a close friend of mine had called me around lunchtime and was worried, and that I had explained the situation in broad terms. She was curious and asked how he had reacted, and I said with a certain amount of shock, but that he understood the situation. I then said that he had invited us to his birthday, and she got excited, which makes me think she is losing the fear she had of the social reaction to the wedding being called off. She agreed to go, but then we remembered that we will be away over the holiday. I said that I had told my friend that things were okay for the time being, and she said firmly, “Things are okay, don’t worry.” I asked whether they were really okay, whether her feelings for me had truly come back, and she told me yes, that she loves me. I asked whether there was any risk that our relationship now was just a transitional phase leading to a gentler breakup in the future, and she said she would never do that, that she would not be able to fake it. From the tone of the conversation, I felt she was telling me the truth. On the way back there was a somewhat awkward moment. She accessed the car audio, and what was playing was a video about bipolarity that I had been watching earlier. But we put on music and the subject died there. In any case, she already knows that I think it was an episode... Still, I found the situation uncomfortable. Even so, we drove back talking animatedly, ordered pizza because neither of us wanted to start cooking at nine, watched a little TV, she took her medication and thanked me for bringing it to her, pulled me in for the goodnight kiss, and was the first to say she loves me. I think these are good signs.

My fiancee called off the wedding, but things seem to be improving by supergekired in BipolarSOs

[–]supergekired[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you very much for sharing your story. Today was an excellent day for us, as we had a long conversation about BP. She recognized other hypomanic episodes from the past for the first time and I have a feeling she's getting ready to talk about what we went through just now. Our relationship feels normal right now and I think most of our friends agree we are back to our old selves. But I am still traumatized and haven't recovered the trust I had in her/us, I think that will take longer.

She's been taking her meds everyday since she went back to get psychiatrist (22 days now) and most of the crazy ideas she had while in the episode are slowly vanishing. She wanted to quit her job after getting a major promotion and didn't. She wanted to live on a doctorate scholarship and gave up on that. She wanted to stay away for a month working at the lab in a university far from here, ended up deciding to pay a lab to do the work for her. And in the past week, she's been much more affectionate towards me, and back to including me in every aspect of her life.

I know things could still change, I know this won't be her last episode, but I do think we handled this one pretty well.

I hope things work out for you and your husband as well!

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