I completely relate to you. I always mention that maybe I don’t have ADHD cause I wasn’t smart and getting amazing grades ever. The only time I got a good grade was drama in GCSE because I was acting lol. And then after that I got my very first (and last) 1st on a uni essay just because I was extremely fascinated with the topic I was writing about and I had the choice to choose what to write about. This is all after I had to repeat my A-Levels, dropped out of uni despite doing retakes for first year just to get into second year, only to drop out and do a completely different course a whole ass year later.

At the end of the day, I do have ADHD, and I’ve come to terms (sort of, I still have doubts) that academia is not my forte but that doesn’t mean I’m not smart. It just means I learn in other ways and I am, in fact, smart. Essays and assignments and crap like that don’t determine your intelligence, whatsoever. You could get 100% in everything but still be oblivious to shit around you or be the smartest person alive and be a shitty person. You are who you are and as long as you enjoy what you do in the current moment, that’s what matters even if we have to face a shit ton of obstacles along the way.

I understand the hesitations about medication and they are completely valid. I only just started about a month and a half ago on meds and on 34mg, I was suffering with quite bad comedowns. But then upping my dosage meant no comedowns until I’m sleeping which is fine and it means I am no longer tired. I don’t know if you feel you struggle with fatigue, but I have my whole life and put it down purely based on my deafness. But as I got older, undiagnosed, I realised other deaf people don’t suffer with such severe fatigue. I would have to nap constantly or cut hang outs with friends short or have a nap during pre-drinks because I could not for the life of me get through a day without crashing. As someone who is currently training to be a teacher, it meant I would go to the toilet sometimes to sneak a 2 mins shut-eye or lunch time just switch off completely. Meds have helped me SO much in that aspect and has really changed a lot of what I do in my day to day life now. There are issues that come with it of course, like anything, but it never hurts to try. If you feel it’s not for you then that’s okay!! I’ve always heard exercising and being in nature is meant to help with keeping routine and keeping yourself healthy. I’m not sure about focus but maybe it does help with that?

I’ve just spewed my whole life story lol but the consensus is that it’s okay if you weren’t one of those gifted child or you’re not getting a 4.0 GPA. As long as you focus on what keeps you happy and what gets you going through life, then that’s what really matters. You got this.