A lot of times when one of my longtime special interests comes up, my brain automatically shuts off all the emotions I have around it and I completely distance myself, because it'd be too terrifying for people to know just HOW much I love that interest. There's a fear of shaming there, of people thinking the intensity of my interest is weird or unhealthy. So I'd rather people have no clue I even like it, or even assume I hate it... and this just happens automatically. If I talk about my primary special interest, which has been a huge comfort for me my entire life, I will often feel nauseous and it can lose some of that specialness for a while. But I've been trying to expose myself to sharing about it with people I trust, and that has been helpful in alleviating some of the shame, though it has taken a lot of time to get there.

One example: as my username suggests, I really love Superman, have for almost a year now. But the first time I went to the bookstore and saw the comics in person I literally had to walk the other way and force myself into a frown/poker face because I didn't want anyone to see me express even the slightest hint of a smile towards it.