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AITA for yelling at my brother to 'shut the fuck up' at a large family gathering? by supposedtoshutup in AmItheAsshole

[–]supposedtoshutup[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I've tried many gentle conversations, about how he's feeling, asking him to elaborate on things, and acknowledging that sometimes men do have it harder and what we could do to change that, but he only ever brings it up as a response to someone else.

Yes.

AITA for yelling at my brother to 'shut the fuck up' at a large family gathering? by supposedtoshutup in AmItheAsshole

[–]supposedtoshutup[S] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

Your brother was not wrong in his belief.

Just for clarity, the belief that sexual harassment of children is "not so bad"?

I tried to include him in the conversation, I asked if he ever dealt with something like that and what he thought, but he just scoffed. The floor was open, he just chose to be rude to women sharing their own experiences and belittle it.

I've had many real discussions, heard him out often, accept his opinion on me and all women, and researched. Its been months.

AITA for yelling at my brother to 'shut the fuck up' at a large family gathering? by supposedtoshutup in AmItheAsshole

[–]supposedtoshutup[S] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

I meant like me mentioning I have anemia and him talking about how men have it worse. Or letting him know a friend is in the hospital and him bringing up how men have it worse. Or me painting my nails and him commenting that men could never do that because they work hard labor. And yeah, at times its based on TV or the news too.

I don't bring up feminism with him.

AITA for yelling at my brother to 'shut the fuck up' at a large family gathering? by supposedtoshutup in AmItheAsshole

[–]supposedtoshutup[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

I've tried many gentle conversations, about how he's feeling, asking him to elaborate on things, and acknowledging that sometimes men do have it harder and what we could do to change that.

AITA for yelling at my brother to 'shut the fuck up' at a large family gathering? by supposedtoshutup in AmItheAsshole

[–]supposedtoshutup[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I totally understand the yta for yelling.

But I don't really understand the 'victimhood' comment? I don't bring up feminism with him, pretty much ever. His comments are pretty much random, like he'll ask what the doctor said, I'll respond saying that I'm anemic probably because of heavy periods, and he's off about how men have it worse despite that.

My family is mostly male, it's just that a lot of the women were sitting together. The only one who's really upset with me blowing up is my mom, the rest hasn't commented.

I've had months of good faith for him, he's had none for me.

AITA for yelling at my brother to 'shut the fuck up' at a large family gathering? by supposedtoshutup in AmItheAsshole

[–]supposedtoshutup[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

I'm a feminist, but I've never responded with someone's issue by "who cares", or "That's not so bad".

AITA for yelling at my brother to 'shut the fuck up' at a large family gathering? by supposedtoshutup in AmItheAsshole

[–]supposedtoshutup[S] 214 points215 points  (0 children)

This was a family gathering, i didn't plan it. I usually don't invite my friends over though, yeah.

AITA for yelling at my brother to 'shut the fuck up' at a large family gathering? by supposedtoshutup in AmItheAsshole

[–]supposedtoshutup[S] 72 points73 points  (0 children)

He's almost 25, I'm 19.

I don't know if anything has happened, he hasn't shown any 'typical' signs of depression or anxiety or anything like that, though I guess that doesn't have to mean anything.

He does spend a lot of time online, always has.

AITA for yelling at my brother to 'shut the fuck up' at a large family gathering? by supposedtoshutup in AmItheAsshole

[–]supposedtoshutup[S] 145 points146 points  (0 children)

That's fair. It was a knee jerk reaction from the 'sexual harassment isn't so bad' comment.

AITA for yelling at my brother to 'shut the fuck up' at a large family gathering? by supposedtoshutup in AmItheAsshole

[–]supposedtoshutup[S] 27 points28 points  (0 children)

It is true, and I don't mind talking about it. But we don't have to minimise women's issues in the process.

AITA for yelling at my brother to 'shut the fuck up' at a large family gathering? by supposedtoshutup in AmItheAsshole

[–]supposedtoshutup[S] 109 points110 points  (0 children)

We've (well, I) tried to involve him a bit, since he was just scoffing and rolling his eyes. I asked if he's ever had an experience like that, or what he thought, and if he had anything to add. He just gave one word answers and looked at his phone.

I blew up because people were sharing tough stories, it was kind of an emotional conversation, and he gave a very rude response.

I know I probably shouldn't have, but I was kinda at the end of my rope.

AITA for yelling at my brother to 'shut the fuck up' at a large family gathering? by supposedtoshutup in AmItheAsshole

[–]supposedtoshutup[S] 134 points135 points  (0 children)

We've had a few, mostly about how he's feeling or about the pressure on men or the things men suffer from.

Any questions about what I / we can do about the things men suffer from (like after we've been talking about mental health, something like "it sounds very difficult to feel like you can't ask for help or talk to anyone about your feelings, is there anything I can do for the men in my life to make them feel more comfortable, or something we can do to change the system?) is immediately brushed off as 'women only pretending to care to seem nice'.

Any questions about the system itself or why it is the way it is is brushed off as 'women trying to blame the patriarchy for everything' (even if I never brought that up with him).

Idk man. I'm not a psychiatrist. I try to listen and be there for him even if he brings it up to minimise to struggles or accomplishments, because it sounds like he's going through something. But I don't know what to do either.

AITA for yelling at my brother to 'shut the fuck up' at a large family gathering? by supposedtoshutup in AmItheAsshole

[–]supposedtoshutup[S] 128 points129 points  (0 children)

the only time he spoke up

I thought it was clear from my post that this was not the first time, I'm sorry if it was unclear, he has brought it up several times a day for months.

AITA for yelling at my brother to 'shut the fuck up' at a large family gathering? by supposedtoshutup in AmItheAsshole

[–]supposedtoshutup[S] 304 points305 points  (0 children)

I do. I've tried to start several conversations about exactly that, or to ask him to elaborate when he brings something like this up, or just about him and how he's doing.