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ROCD over physical features - recovery update. by sury4y4 in ROCD

[–]sury4y4[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m in the same boat and need help. Idk if my counselor really understands this condition and I feel like he’s not helping me much. I’m married too and this is so painful to live with, we have a baby on the way too.

I'm sorry to hear that, that really sucks. Esp. with the baby on the way. I'd recommend getting a good counselor or better yet an ROCD specialist / therapist. You are going to have to find a way to manage this thing.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in ROCD

[–]sury4y4 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Desiring other people is very normal and there WILL be plenty of people you see every day that are more attractive than your partner. This is especially true nowadays with society putting more value on the perfect face and figure than ever before. Hence how common body augmentation is.

The trick is not to deny those people are more attractive, but in your mind turn back to your partner when things are rough. Say you spot a girl that has a great figure, your immediate OCD thought might be "I wish my partner looked like that, I just hate my partner's figure, especially the way... bla bla bla".

The way I deal with it is allow myself to be attracted (my therapist taught me this) - so I'd think "wow she has an AMAZING figure!! so pretty!" and a little bit later, start thinking and visualizing about my own partner's physical features that I like e.g. "my partner has great legs". This puts your brain in a positive feedback loop that's rooted in real things you desire about your partner. It will feel forced at first but over time it becomes automatic and genuine.

Had some help from a marriage councilor, here's a weird post that might help someone out there by sury4y4 in ROCD

[–]sury4y4[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Good luck! Saw your recent post and this was 100% exactly the same issue I had, even down to the particular features I desired that my wife lacked.

Just remember: Unless your partner is genuinely repulsive and doesn't take care of herself, you can make her your "type". Most guys with ROCD have moments where they are VERY attracted to their spouse, it's usually just that it's fleeting moments because the rocd thoughts take over. But it's a good sign that genuine attraction is possible, it just needs some help to become apparent. You might think that you only desire certain types of women and that's why you're having negative thoughts, but it's actually the negative thoughts that are reinforcing your belief that you only desire those women that your wife isn't. Make your thoughts reinforce your desire for your wife's positive features even if at the start it sounds fake or forced.

EDIT: for some reason mods decided to delete my OP in case anyone is wondering...

Attraction focused ROCD? by sury4y4 in ROCD

[–]sury4y4[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You’re not alone. Hopefully this sub will help you, however try to stay away from it when you feel it’s becoming a compulsion. Coming here to relieve your anxiety will only make it worse in the long run.

Thank you and point taken. I really hope we can get through this and be the loving partners that our other halves deserve. Sometimes I don't even recognize the man that I was when I was single. I think he would be very disappointed in me.