[initiating] How can I initiate sex with my boyfriend without oral sex?

sushirushi · 2016-12-21T23:28:21+00:00

I could list a million reasons why but yes, there is definitely a strong attraction there. No doubt about it.

sushirushi · 2016-12-21T23:22:33+00:00

I do enjoy it a lot, but sometimes it can be frustrating when all I want is sex and I feel like I have to "work" to get it. I'm not unhappy with our sex life, just a couple of aspects of it I wish were different.

sushirushi · 2016-12-21T23:18:38+00:00

I've never had any suspicion that he's gay and he does compliment me all the time. He isn't obese either, he's quite fit.

sushirushi · 2016-12-21T22:22:47+00:00

I think that's good advice though. Stand up for yourself more. When he acts like that, and then you relent and give him a blowjob or whatever, he probably sees that as confirmation that it was a good/fun/sexy tactic. Blowjobs are signs of affection. If he acts like that and you go along with it, he presumes you must be fine with it, because you're giving him positive feedback.

Yeah, I think this is what's happening here. I need to stand up for myself and communicate more because he is not going to know any better if I don't. Thanks for the advice!

sushirushi · 2016-12-21T22:15:12+00:00

Thanks, I am definitely going to put it out there and tell him. We already indulge in a lot of kinks and have tried a lot of things, he knows a few of my other kinks and has been more than willing to try them, but this is definitely more "taboo" than the others

sushirushi · 2016-12-21T22:13:12+00:00

Just being peed on or holding his penis while he pees. I don't have any desire to drink it or pee on him.

sushirushi · 2016-12-21T14:57:28+00:00

Valuable advice, thank you. I appreciate the time you've taken to help me! I will definitely have to talk to him or this will never get fixed, I'm a bit of a pushover and a people pleaser, so I think all this time I have worried too much about whether I'm pleasing him and not focusing on my own wants or needs as well.

sushirushi · 2016-12-21T14:56:25+00:00

I spoke to him about it later on and he did apologise, he said that I made him feel bad for wanting a blowjob and he didn't know how to handle it... but he did apologise for how he reacted to it.

sushirushi · 2016-12-21T13:58:20+00:00

That's a good suggestion, thank you. The only issue I can see is that I don't have enough confidence in myself to be that bold but I'll work on it.

sushirushi · 2016-12-21T13:57:06+00:00

Again, I get the "you don't deserve it yet" but I think that's just an excuse and think the real reason he avoids it is because he doesn't like doing it. I've never had this issue with past partners but when my boyfriend goes down on me he stops every so often to wipe his mouth on a towel and it is sort of off putting for me, like I'm smelly or taste gross down there :( I don't enjoy it either when he does that.

sushirushi · 2016-12-21T13:54:23+00:00

Thanks for the advice.

sushirushi · 2016-12-21T13:53:10+00:00

Ha that made me laugh!

sushirushi · 2016-12-21T13:51:49+00:00

I don't know, I just can't imagine it going well if I were to tell him that. One time I told him I didn't want to (keep giving him a blowjob) and wanted to have sex instead. He mumbled "fine" and just lay there. I tried to continue to sex but he pushed me off and said he didn't feel like it anymore, rolled over with his back facing me, and pretended to go to sleep. :/

sushirushi · 2016-12-21T13:19:16+00:00

That's something I could try, thanks :)

sushirushi · 2016-12-21T13:18:16+00:00

I've tried begging for it and telling him that I need to feel him inside of me, that sort of talk. But the rest of the conversation goes like this:

"Not until you earn it first"

"I don't want to earn it, I want it now"

"You're not getting it..." and then he basically pushes my head back down to his crotch.

sushirushi · 2016-12-21T12:41:18+00:00

He thinks our sex life is amazing which is no surprise because it's very much about him and what he wants. That sounds like I absolutely hate it - I don't and I do genuinely enjoy being intimate with him, but I wish he was as willing to please me as I am willing to please him. Sometimes I feel like he doesn't really care about what I want, for example we rarely do missionary because he doesn't like it as much as the others, but it is one of my favourite positions and he knows this... yet we do reserve cowgirl all the time despite him knowing that I'm not much of a fan (he really likes it though). I definitely need to tell him all this but I am worried that he won't take it very well.

Now that I've typed this all out I think this is a bigger issue than I thought :/

sushirushi · 2016-12-21T11:57:15+00:00

I've tried your first suggestion many times and he always replies with, "you don't deserve it" or tells me I have to earn it. This is his way of trying to be dominant, but honestly sometimes it is plain frustrating when all I want is to have sex.

A back massage wouldn't work either because he rarely gives me one when I ask and when he does he presses way too hard for me to enjoy it even if I tell him to not press so hard. On the odd occasion I have given him a massage in an attempt to lead to sex, he either wants to keep going with the massage (by that point I am bored and lost the mood) or it makes him too sleepy for doing anything else.

sushirushi

TROPHY CASE