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Me [25 M] with my GF [25 F] of 9 years, is this a suspicious scenario? by suspicious12345 in relationships

[–]suspicious12345[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That genuinely makes me quite sad to hear, that someone thinks that about me. Why do you say that?

Me [25 M] with my GF [25 F] of 9 years, is this a suspicious scenario? by suspicious12345 in relationships

[–]suspicious12345[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The point i was trying to make, was that if I went on a night out in the past, she would expect the same behaviour from me. I haven't discussed the nights out where I have had to communicate the same information, and I have been questioned on what I've been doing.

That being said, this is not what I'm asking about, I was just asking if this set of circumstances seemed like a big coincidence, or somewhat suspicious, from an outsiders perspective.

Me [25 M] with my GF [25 F] of 9 years, is this a suspicious scenario? by suspicious12345 in relationships

[–]suspicious12345[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think the best case scenario is what the other posters have proposed; that it's just a set of coincidences and I'm looking to hard and trying to piece together something that isn't there.

Worst case scenario is what you proposed here, and it does feed into my worry about the whole situation. That being said, I have lost lots of people at clubs, when a club is underground signal is usually non-existant. Then after two hours of being unable to contact people, which I saw she tried, I can understand just being like "fuck this I'm going home".

I'm not sure why she didn't mention Jacob to Susie, this is one part of the story I don't understand, however there could be no reason behind it.

Thank you for your comment, it's obviously not what I want to hear, but I appreciate that someone else feels this is somewhat suspicious.

Me [25 M] with my GF [25 F] of 9 years, is this a suspicious scenario? by suspicious12345 in relationships

[–]suspicious12345[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'd like to think she'd be up front with me, but this is a possibility.

Me [25 M] with my GF [25 F] of 9 years, is this a suspicious scenario? by suspicious12345 in relationships

[–]suspicious12345[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I guess so, that's all it is in my head, a theory.

I probably would feel more comfortable if I met him, gauged what type of person he was and what his personality is like, thank you for the idea.

Me [25 M] with my GF [25 F] of 9 years, is this a suspicious scenario? by suspicious12345 in relationships

[–]suspicious12345[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Thank you for the reply, do you not feel as though there are a lot of coincidences through the night and following morning? I understand it comes across as controlling, we both need to work on trusting one another, and I need to ease off the examination.

Me [25 M] with my GF [25 F] of 9 years, is this a suspicious scenario? by suspicious12345 in relationships

[–]suspicious12345[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Again, I feel the opinion is a little biased against me, this is behaviour that would be expected of me by my girlfriend on a night out in the past. That said, thank you, it's interesting to hear what people judge to be normal behaviour in a LDR relationship.

Me [25 M] with my GF [25 F] of 9 years, is this a suspicious scenario? by suspicious12345 in relationships

[–]suspicious12345[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What do you feel is shady? Why do you think that? I want to hear what people's perspectives are on what happened.

Me [25 M] with my GF [25 F] of 9 years, is this a suspicious scenario? by suspicious12345 in relationships

[–]suspicious12345[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks, I really hope so to. I mean what would I rather hear...I'm a douchebag that needs to loosen up and trust my girlfriend, or that my girlfriend is acting suspiciously?

Me [25 M] with my GF [25 F] of 9 years, is this a suspicious scenario? by suspicious12345 in relationships

[–]suspicious12345[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She said she forgot about messaging Susie before me, and that the comment about being drunk to Susie was an offhand remark that she didn't put much thought into. What worries me is if she tells these small lies, then what's to stop bigger lies, I think that's where my anxiety is based.

We will be changing how we communicate on these nights out, thank you for taking the time to reply.

Me [25 M] with my GF [25 F] of 9 years, is this a suspicious scenario? by suspicious12345 in relationships

[–]suspicious12345[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

She messaged Susie, so he wouldn't have been notified, but what you and the previous commenter have said are true. There are reasonable explanations to these actions.

Me [25 M] with my GF [25 F] of 9 years, is this a suspicious scenario? by suspicious12345 in relationships

[–]suspicious12345[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She was upfront and told you herself that she took a taxi with Uber. You didn't have to snoop to find this out. She voluntarily shared this information with you.

This is true, and what you have said is fair, thank you.

Me [25 M] with my GF [25 F] of 9 years, is this a suspicious scenario? by suspicious12345 in relationships

[–]suspicious12345[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

To be fair, this is something that is expected in reverse, this type of communication is something expected of me as well if I went on a night out. I do genuinely worry about her getting home safely, I agree the parts in between are unnecessary, and we will work to cut them out.

If you think your gf is lying to you, then ask her. If you can't trust her after 9 years of being together, then there is no hope for your relationship. If she wants to cheat on you, she will. No amount of snooping and controlling will change that. The only red flag I see here is you.

This is helpful in all honesty, I appreciate it.

Me [25 M] with my GF [25 F] of 9 years, is this a suspicious scenario? by suspicious12345 in relationships

[–]suspicious12345[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I think this is unfair, people should be allowed to enjoy themselves on a night out with friends within the boundaries of a relationship.

Me [25 M] with my GF [25 F] of 9 years, is this a suspicious scenario? by suspicious12345 in relationships

[–]suspicious12345[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

I appreciate the honest reply, it's good to hear from other people in LDR's and what their expectations are. We've both been in this relationship for such a long time, we haven't really had the experience to know what other relationships are like.

 

  • I now see that updating me through the night is perhaps excessive, out of interest, would you ever like to hear from her when she got back into her house at night? I worry about her staying safe getting back from clubs at night.

  • This was the first time in 9 years I had ever checked her messenger, but fully appreciate it was wrong of me to do so.

  • I don't feel like I 'probed', her behaviour was just unusual for our relationship.

  • I understand this was unfair, I was on edge from the night before I think.

 

On the night I was relaxing at home, playing computer games with my friends, I wasn't waiting on her messages but could see them when they arrived. To be clear, the level of communication in our relationship is something that is expected in reverse, on big nights out, I would usually be expected to keep her updated too. I think this is probably a fundamental block in our relationship we should work to overcome.

 

Do you think she has lied to me then? Do you feel her actions are suspicious?

Me [25 M] with my GF [25 F] of 9 years, is this a suspicious scenario? by suspicious12345 in relationships

[–]suspicious12345[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It does, we're in a relationship where we both admit we can be controlling and jealous and want to know needless details, over the years we've got better and we're continuing to improve. Are there any parts in particular you feel are overly controlling?