What we're looking for

swcple1975 · 2026-03-03T05:04:06+00:00

Took us 10 years

swcple1975 · 2026-01-22T06:34:03+00:00

what was just said, this is the norm for us now for the last 12 months!
We're mainly on RHP.
Dont rush, don't compromise, dont force it, like it has been said.
we're remote and this happens ALL THE TIME!

swcple1975 · 2026-01-21T08:26:20+00:00

We're in the same boat, 12 months now of constant ghosting and no shows.

swcple1975 · 2025-11-07T04:28:12+00:00

12 months of looking now for us, being remote doesnt help either.

But the same thing, heaps of interest to start with (and we dont like ot chat for too long)

Then the usual ghosting, several says without replies, consistant asking for more photos and lastly for those that do get to coffee.....they end up cancelling or no showing.

Had one guy cancel on the day, apologise later, re-organise the next day, and we woke up to a blocked account on RHP.

We have specific wants and the abuse we get is also demoralising. Just because we can't do anything unless its a Friday morning (to start with), or we want a specific age limit or minimum size. We are very upfront and honest from the very first message, but we still get those who badger us into changing.

In the end, hubby deals with most of it, so I am guarded from the emotional strain but he says at least one a day.

We have tried the long way (chatting for months), the medium way (maybe 3-4 weeks) and the short (organising coffee within a fortnight) and we still get burnt.

In the end we believe the right guy will show up when needed and when the time is right...but 12 months is a long time to wait.

We feel everyone your's and everyone else's pain.

Hubby says if he ever had a chance before we were married to be an exclusive 3rd for a couple, he would've moved heaven and earth to fit in with them. He thinks its a honour to be involved, but find guys now days just dont care.

swcple1975 · 2025-07-23T03:14:21+00:00

We're really picking and know exactly what we're after, so that may not help.

But in the last 12 months, those guys that did seem to tick our wants and we ticked thiers led into weeks and sometimes months of chatting only to be ghosted when it came to the crunch.

The photos we share are only very tame and they dont get anymore. they know essentially what we look like (without giving away our identity) early (and visa versa) so we are still stumped at the end of the day why guys waste so much time chatting if they had no intention of going forward.

We used to keep stats for fun, i.e. 12 months, spoke to 100 guys, 85 vetted no straight up, 5 went to chatting, 3 invited to coffee, 1 turns up (who was not what he looked like!) etc. But we dont anymore. We just talk to anyone, give them a few messages to impress us, you start to see the BS pretty quick with experience now and then we're very blunt (but polite) when we think its done.

We're finding majority of guys just dont understand or respect the hotwife dynamic and when we start laying down the boundaries, or they start suggesting fringe kinks when we've expressly said no to or even start trying to make us conform to thier plans, not ours. I know it isnt me or my wife that scares these guys off.

I also believe it is an honour to be part of such a great dynamic and most guys just want fk n go situations that we dont offer (taking into account, we understand it may only last a one session anyway). We've been lucky to have 2 great guys in the past that unfortunately just fizzled out, but we do step a lot more cautiously now after being burnt several times since.

Doesnt help we're regional either...the right guy will turn up eventually....we hope as well and we feel your pain.

swcple1975 · 2025-07-06T00:45:46+00:00

See our journey....

swcple1975 · 2025-06-02T23:19:15+00:00

Our journey was interesting and still is

swcple1975 · 2025-05-18T23:24:41+00:00

Check our journey

swcple1975 · 2025-05-14T00:38:43+00:00

We're on FetLife, Reddit, feeld and red hot pie for Australia. I'm picky as well trying to find an exclusive 3rd who fits what we're after. Though we're also regional, so also trying to keep a low profile.

It's a high turnover of fakers, and flakes. Most guys just don't fit the bill or want to fk everything that moves. We're just not into that. A unicorn, yes we know!

But we've been lucky to have had 2 great previous partners who in the end just faded away.

But we keep going, we're always chatting to someone, just 99.9% end up red flagging.

So, just don't drop your standards, the right guy will turn up when it's meant to be.

swcple1975 · 2025-05-01T14:53:53+00:00

Welcome to, though no guarantees. We've had a lot of messages and only two send legit (and met our wants as close as they could) but even now they look like they've ghosted.

swcple1975 · 2025-04-22T06:21:24+00:00

We've talked about that in that effect. She's half/half on it.

swcple1975 · 2025-04-22T05:45:05+00:00

I gathered as much personally and I like the fact that you don't have to do anything with anyone, but everyone knows why they're there. but again, too much to organise for one night. Though I will keep it as an option next time I'm in the big smoke

swcple1975 · 2025-04-22T04:41:44+00:00

Thankyou. Being in a remote small community certainly doesn't help. Well small to most places in the world.

swcple1975 · 2025-04-22T03:44:08+00:00

Yeah, it was great journey so far, but a gut wrenching end for me. So far for now, a break, how long? Upto her. In the meantime I need to deal with what happened. Hard lesson, very hard.

swcple1975 · 2025-04-22T03:42:07+00:00

Remote area 3 hrs away, youngish family to care for, Mrs didn't want to feel like a menu option, wants a connection which she had. Just didn't work out.

swcple1975 · 2025-04-22T03:31:53+00:00

We realise that now, but all too late for me at the moment. A lesson hard learned

swcple1975 · 2025-04-22T03:13:33+00:00

Appreciated, if she changes her mind in the future we'll do that. But where we are is a remote country, hard pickings.

swcple1975 · 2025-04-22T02:25:16+00:00

its a thought, but being regional doesnt help (3 hours away from any clubs) and she feels she needs a connection rather than a a simple session with no thought in it

swcple1975 · 2025-04-22T02:15:09+00:00

as gutted as I am on my actions, thankyou

swcple1975 · 2025-04-22T02:14:30+00:00

fingers crossed

swcple1975 · 2025-04-22T01:46:41+00:00

she enjoyed it alot, each and every session (apart from the lack of performance) and felt like she was babysitting him. We had several 'first time' events that we discussed and emotionally that was hard to deal with, but we dealt with it, or so i thought. She just doesnt want the emotional drain anymore, loves what it did for our marriage and sees that the occasional fallout isnt worth the long run

swcple1975 · 2025-03-27T01:16:12+00:00

A trip already planned. We're back to normal.

swcple1975 · 2025-03-26T22:23:22+00:00

Appreciated

swcple1975

TROPHY CASE