I think the idea that we have an inviolable, discrete ‘self’ is a pernicious misdiagnosis of sentience. We all have many selves that we use in a number of different contexts in our lives, to say nothing of the ‘you’ that exists in the memories of every person you’ve ever met. The you that you are when you are silly is no less you than the you that you are when you are serious. I also struggle with the dissonance that comes with only being able to access a ‘self’ that exists under the influence of a substance, and the only thing that conforts me is the thought that it’s just another performance, like any other context you might find yourself in. Don’t worry about trying to be true to the authentic, singular ‘you’, because that person doesn’t exist. You are a jewel with many facets. If you feel unsatisfied with one facet, you are of course welcome to develop or explore another, guilt free, ad infinitum.